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  1. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 4 Doing ok so far. Yesterday I came home late and was a bit tired and stressed. I couldn't sleep, so I thought about watching some ASMR videos - wasn't a good idea. After a while of clicking from video to video, I realized I am just looking for a hit, similary to porn, so I stopped. Need to...
  2. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Not happy to be back here again, but decided it's for the best. Since my last post I have reached about 140+ days porn free. Very proud of that goal, it's been my biggest progress from this addiction since I was a teen. A lot of things have changed during this last streak. I have a girlfried...
  3. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 98 (without porn) I have finally reached my goal of 90 days without porn! In the end it wasn't what I expected, since in the past weeks I was either traveling or I was so focused on other things... I went past my 90 day goal without even realizing (hence day 98 now). It wasn't perfect. I...
  4. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 76 Yesterday during the night I had a wet dream, during which I dreamed about relapsing to porn. It's interesting, just when it starts feeling like porn or urges about it are pretty much nonexistent in my life, suddenly this happens. There was some brief guilt and anxiety when waking up, but...
  5. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 71 Yesterday I had sex first time with the girl I've been dating for the couple past weeks. Was also the first time since I started this streak. Really was looking forward to it, since I really like her, but it ended up being a bit disappointing when I couldn't get it up most of the time 😅...
  6. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 60 Checking in. Honestly these days are going by fast! I've had a lot going on these past days. I have done a few trips after my school semester ended, I am soon moving back to my home town and gonna be looking for a new apartment, and also have been one a few dates with one girl. Right now...
  7. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 51 Still doing great. I am realizing I don't really have the need to post everyday, so I will just check in every couple days, perhaps return to daily posts later if I feel like I am having a tough time.
  8. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 45 Half way to 90! Even though I usually never cared about counting days (it's been 45 days now, but the real journey started almost 3 years ago), it will be a great to finally reach this milestone. And I think that about this streak I'm feeling better than ever before.
  9. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 43 Had a friend visiting over the weekend so didn't have time to journal, but the past few days have been ok with no urges. Also met a girl a few days ago and we seemed to hit it off a bit, gonna see where it goes after first date. Perhaps somewhere, perhaps not, but nonethless I was glad...
  10. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 37 Finished my last uni exam yesterday and my semester is over. This is pretty significant for me, since it was my last semester at uni ever (only my thesis left). After that is a new stage of life. It is exciting and I'm looking forward to it, but scary at the same time. I will need to...
  11. wrijak

    Harmonicas are weird, porn is a delicious treat.

    Hey welcome to the forum. Gotta agree with TryingHarder a bit. It's great your goal is self-love despite the addiction, but make sure you don't have it turned around. There should be a balance of self-love and honest effort. You wrote: and: Here I would ask myself how did you actually use the...
  12. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 34 I feel like in my streaks I never experience the usual symptoms like flatline or mood swings. I get the occasional wet dream but that's it. I guess the reason is that I've been trying this for so long, and this is far from my first streak. My first about 50+day streak was almost 3 years...
  13. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Saw this quote by Neil Strauss which really resonated with me, especially with what I was writing yesterday: Reminded me also of this chapter I once read in the book Psycho-Cybernetics, about how happiness is not something that is in the future, but it is a habit or state of mind, which can...
  14. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 32 After my almost-relapse yesterday I actually feel pretty good today. It made me self-reflect a bit and in the end it gave me some insights and a new sense of motivation. One realization I had is how much I am missing any kind of self-love in my life. It's crazy much this porn addiction...
  15. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 31 I was wery close to relapsing this morning, pretty much only thing that stopped me was my porn blocker. I was working all day yesterday finishing a report for uni, and planned having a rest for today. Went to sleep really late and was just watching stuff on youtube. Was watching asmr...
  16. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 30 Returned from my trip, actually already yesterday but had a lot of work. The trip was a lot of fun and I feel great overall. But have to say, it has been pretty hard, especially when I arrived home, and had a lot to catch up on. And also during the trip. I was with friends 24/7 so there...
  17. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 25 Had a wet dream tonight. Feeling good. The libido has been high in past days, to be expected. I see my body and mind is adapting. I will be on a trip for the next couple days so probably won't be journaling. Will be going with a group of 7 other friends and we will be sharing both cruise...
  18. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 24 Yesterday night and today morning was pretty tough for me after feeling sick and tired for most of the day. Before sleep I was watching some ASMR on youtube ... nothing erotic at all, however I realize my mind sometimes substitues these types of videos for porn, and it has caused me...
  19. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 23 Doing good but however woke up feeling a bit sick today, which threw me off my routine a bit. In the afternoon I didn't feel like doing much, didn't want to work out, so I just procrastinated. No urges though so far. Gonna get some rest to recover, and push through it.
  20. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 22 Ok I had a close one today. I was downloading an e-book from a website (perhaps not entirely legaly) and had a VPN on, and suddenly on the website I saw a link for porn file. I realized that since I had the VPN on, my porn blocker didn't work, I suppose it goes around the DNS. Suddenly...
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