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I don't think you've ruined yourself forever. Apparently the brain has amazing self-healing properties, we just need to stop blasting it with super-normal stimulus.

Teşekkürler @darktime . Size şans diliyorum!

Thanks @Chris1986 for the support. I've lost my mental clarity about why I want to try living a different way. I think part of why I use P is I want to feel normal in my freakiness. But that feeling of fitting in evaporates when I O. It's like someone who says they are your friend but snubs you...

PMO Reset. Alas. Twice! That makes this day 2. Will start putting my day count at the bottom rather than the top because it's a little demoralising sometimes. My plan is to not give myself a hard time about this slip, but to definitely not let it turn into a long wallow in the mud.

Day 39 no P/Day 1 no MO Didn't really want to MO last night but I really didn't think the urge would pass so I took the lesser of two options.

Thanks @Chris1986, I think reflection is an important practice that I will aim to do more of. I was setting aside 15 minutes a day for a while there to just sit and think about how life is going. I think I need to trust my ability to make sense of life and course-correct. I often don't want to...

37/15 I'm unfocused at the moment. I think this is where I need to remind myself that this is a marathon not a sprint. I want everything to be easy. I'm scared of focusing on the wrong things so I spread myself thin. I'm entitled, like society/the world owes me success. I'm going to do some...

35/13 I woke up too early yesterday and was cranky and hard-headed all day. Got a bit more rest overnight. Plan to exercise this morning before I go get a covid booster. Some urges last night and considered MOing but chose not to.

Day 34 no P. Day 12 no MO. Triggered last night walking home late. Literally considered playing with myself as I walked home. Made some calls to people I know on the other side of the world from 12 step groups. Was helpful. I feel on the outer of those groups, I feel like a dissenting voice. A...

Day 33 no P. Day 11 no MO. Doing fine.

Day 32 no P/Day 10 no MO Thanks @STST !! I had a dream I relapsed last night. Thankfully just a dream. I spent some time yesterday preparing to delete the email address I associate with acting out. It was tied to my phone so I've gone through and cut that tie. I'll delete the address today. I...

Day 31 no P/day 9 no MO That makes it🎉30 days porn-free! The first time I've had that since the age of 13!! Thanks to everyone on here, I feel like my mindset and this journal are the two biggest tools I have to stay porn-free at the moment. I especially appreciate everyone who posted in this...

Day 30 no P/Day 8 no MO Tomorrow is a milestone. I can't remember who I was reading but they were discussing being a philosopher. They said that a philosopher knew what the future held to a degree. That is, some things are basically guaranteed: work, sickness, celebration, tedium, levity...

Day 29 no P/Day 7 no MO I think of the saying: people overestimate what they can do in the short-term and underestimate what they can do in the long term. Just paddling through doing some tech stuff yesterday and today, getting ready for a new position that might come through. My current work...

@Beautiful1973 *dips paddle into water, scoops back, pulls paddle out and reaches forward: canoe continues its glide across the water* Day 27 no P/Day 5 no MO Up early again. I did nothing of those things I posted about yesterday. I'm feeling quite sore but I'll try and do resistance training...

Well done on that important step!

Day 26 no P Day 4 no M/O Off to work this morning. Feeling well. No major urges. Really very thankful for this forum. Appreciate the encouragement to start a journal here also. Plan to run tonight after the sun goes down. Will try and go to a Zen group on zoom tonight also.

Thanks STST, appreciate it. I haven't been packing my days but I have been doing more. Between exercise, reading, writing, programming and journaling I've been filling days up. Day 25 porn free. Doing fine. Up early again this morning which I love. Got some miscellaneous organisational stuff...

Day 24 of no P Busy day yesterday, no time to post. Back to quiet normality. MOing really messed with my energy, mainly by depleting it. Hopefully I can recall how drained I feel and not do it again. I mentioned the opponent process theory (from the book I'm reading) in an earlier post. Maybe...

(trigger warning) Day 22 of no P. I MO'd last night for the first time this reboot. I didn't use P. I didn't use P fantasies. It felt alright, but I was a bit disappointed afterwards. I slept in this morning until midday, absolutely wrecked and unable to get out of bed. I put it down to MOing...