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Today marks 1 year since my life fell apart. I’m not sure how to feel today.

Thank you for your insight and thoughtful words.

Thank you for trying to explain. I appreciate that. I know that rationally I did nothing wrong and it was all him. My problem lies in the fact that it is very personal. It was me that felt all of the pain and rejection while he had sex with himself and four teenagers. I`m sure that the teen part...

I definitly know this is not all, but that is definitly how most men are. That`s why even Hollywood looks the way it does. The world in general holds us to completely different standards. Men are generally taught young that girls/women are nothing more than an object and porn makes it 10,000...

That is so true! They are allowed to get wrinkled, fat, bald, short, dress like they just rolled out of grandpa`s closet, but we are expected to be forever 18 with perfect bodies and baby skin! We should really start holding men to the same standard. I know that I have moved up my standard for...

I am sorry that we are on a page like this. It`s so heartbreaking to know that so many people are going through this hell. He has the answers, he just isn`t ready or willing to give them yet in my opinion or maybe he really does just need to do more work to find them. I NEVER left during sex...

You hit the nail on the head! It is very personal. It was MY body he was using to fulfill HIS fantasy. I was the one literally feeling the cold sex we were having. It wasn`t making love or connecting, it was just sex. I could feel when he was with me in the beginning and then over the years, I...

How in the world can I not take that personally? It would have been better for him to just keep me completely out of his sex life if he was just going to use me like that!! If you can`t be with the person you are actually with, you shouldn`t be with anyone.

Yes, he told me that for 25 years of our almost 26 years now he would fantasize that I was one of them. If he didn`t he couldn`t have any sex with me. It did take time to get to the point that it was everytime, but it has always happened.

There are so many questions I have. How can you be with someone and not see them and not be with someone and "see" them? How can you touch someone and pretend that you are touching someone else? Isn`t it my body that you feel? How can you not feel me!? How can you not see me when I am the one...

Gracie, That is perfectly put. I had no idea that the man that said he loved me was doing what he did or that he made decisions for my life without my knowledge or consent. I need to clairify that I knew he looked at other girls/women and watched Hollywood movies, but had no idea he watched porn...

When I found out that literally half of my life was a big lie logic was gone. Emotions ruled. It devastated every fiber of my being to find out the extent of the lies. He swore to love and protect me but turned out to be the biggest perpetrator of lies and devastation. The level of hurt is...

I agree. I don`t notice other men of any age. Once in a blue moon, like once every 5 years or something stupid I`ll see someone will catch my attention. It`s rare and I don`t ogle when they do. I think something like, " That`s a good looking man" and then I`m over it. I don`t have the 2 second...

It`s the alarm not sounding in my husbands head that scares me. The thought that nothing in his head told him it was wrong to look at teens is very concerning to me. He not only watched them in porn, but had to look at them very grossly in real life!! It`s just not healthy or morally right. We...

Thank you. That`s why I`m here, to get a different perspective. I was hoping that someone could help me to understand. It isn`t always about fantasy. Some men really do want what they watch and then they go act on it. That`s why so many men end up in prison for child rape or molestation. (even a...

My husband admitted that years ago he would have had sex with one of our daughter`s underage friends if he had been given the opportunity. She was NOT 17 either. She was jailbait for sure. If we were in public and teenagers were around, he had to look at them. He looked at just about every woman...

Everytime he looked at other women, no matter their ages, he was telling me that I wasn`t good enough. We started dating when I was 25 and he had to look at everything that walked by. He was looking at everyone else but couldn`t see me while a lot of the men were looking at me. He liked when...

Thanks again. I am working on my self and my self esteem from all of this. I was told my entire life that I wasn`t good enough, but when the man that promised to love you, charish you and respect you throws you away for little kids (of legal age he says) on the internet, it`s crushing. He claims...

I was once an 18 year old girl. I married the first time at 16, had my first child at 17.. I know how stupid I was. I was no where near mature enough to be married and a mother by the age of 18. I understand that back in the day it was common for girls to marry at very young ages, but that was...

Thank you for your response. He did not admit anything until completely cornered. He had lied to my face for months about what he looked at.. My gut knew, but he still continued to gaslight me until he had no choice but to tell me.. Even when he finally admitted it he had no shame about their...