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  1. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Day 0 So I made it to 12 days and slipped. The day after that (today) I binged. I had to cancel a family gathering due to staying up bingeing until 7am and, in the space of that time, losing literally hundreds of dollars to cam sites. Feeling really bad about it and myself right now but that's...
  2. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Hey Blondie, it's been awhile! Thanks for checking in. It's been up and down over the last couple of months to say the least...but for now I seem to be doing alright. Day 10 today. Happy New Year to you all! Hope 2024 brings you all the freedom, strength, connection & joy in life that we're...
  3. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    And I lapsed. It was a pretty bad lapse too. I guess this is where the work comes in. How quickly can we 'snap back Day 0
  4. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Absolutely Phineas. An addict life of endless highs and lows becomes so tiresome and stressful, being stuck in a perpetual war with our own thoughts & feelings. Being aware & appreciative of the baseline and how important that calm, median, non-judgemental frame of mind is, even after a slip up...
  5. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Thanks Androg for the well wishes & encouragement, I appreciate it. Day 3 today. Didn't manage to post last night due to the internet being down but so far, so good.
  6. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Thanks Phineas, sage wisdom as usual. I guess saying it's either one or the other is perhaps somewhat a simplification of something that needs to be tackled on multiple levels. Anyway so i'm back after yet another hiatus. I needed to but I also wanted to. So the skin issue turned out to be...
  7. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    While an annoying, uncomfortable skin reaction has complicated carrying out some of my planned habits to help keep away, i'm staying the course all the same and can honestly say, at this point, my resolution is as strong as it was just after the last PMO. Day 3
  8. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    It's a good point. Perhaps it's time I stop searching for a 'silver bullet' solution to this and focus instead on breaking this thing down one day at a time. Day 2
  9. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Day 1 Took a break for a little while after the last lapse. The last series of lapses left me with a question of whether I was using this journal as a true measure of accountability or a way to seek external validation i.e once i've received the praise & support, i've got my hit of validation...
  10. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Day 2 Today started out a little rough, being woken up by the downstairs apartment drinking and blasting music on/off from about 4-6am in the morning. Ruined my sleep and kind of fed the low level stress that was starting to happen knowing i'm returning to work tomorrow. Still today's been...
  11. O

    Porn is not an option

    Just think of what it will be like when the men sending the messages are eventually completely replaced by LLMs and users will be instead jerking off to chat bots & image generators churning out an automated stream of fake people & endless, addictive content There are already some accounts...
  12. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    I believe it's technically Day 1 as I had a second lapse just after midnight, shortly after the last reported one. Almost two days but technically not if that makes sense. Things have been relatively quiet since my last post(s). I went out for dinner and a gig with some friends I haven't seen...
  13. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Thank you for putting some of these things in perspective. I think you pretty much said it all here and you're right I have to be mindful of this as I seem to fall into this trap of thought quite often. Particularly the disempowement through restrictions, judgement and the...
  14. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    It could be a mixture of all of those things right? It could be as simple as struggling to face what we've become, what our lives have become, and wind up escaping through vice when the reality of this, and perhaps the underlying feeling of helplessness to change it, becomes too much to bear...
  15. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Thanks Androg, I think these are all really great ideas. I made the list by the way. It's up by the bed and I intend to follow through. Clubs or meet ups are something i've considered for awhile and should give it some thought. I went on a few dates earlier this year with a British woman who...
  16. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Time to reflect and assess What happened... I think I can trace the beginning of this back to earlier today where I logged on to the dating app, something I already knew was a bad idea, and was triggered by a profile. It wasn't so much that it was anything overtly sexual but I found a profile...
  17. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    I need to make a correction. I ALMOST made it. I wasn't strong enough to stay away after the exposure. Damnit... Let it be known, it's just not worth it.
  18. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Thanks Phineas, Blondie & Earthwalker for the continuing, seemingly unwavering support and the birthday wishes! You guys are all in your own individual ways the best, really. I'll be honest, I was looking at porn a moment ago, just before logging on here. I was at the point where I was about to...
  19. O

    Escape Velocity - Orbiters Journal

    Day 3 Missed yesterdays posting as I went out and got back a bit too late. I was able to identify a few critical moments during the day where I had the choice to fall back into the PMO cycle and, to my satisfaction, was able to make the right decision and do something else. It reached a point...
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    Battle Journal

    Hi Skittelz, I've struggling with similar feelings myself over recent months. The feeling of futility reporting relapse after relapse, not seeing or experiencing more immediate, tangible dividends of participating, sometimes even being discouraged by what could be easily interpreted as the...
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