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Very disappointed to report that I relapsed last night. I should have just laid in bed with my eyes closed until I fell asleep. But I was too anxious about some work things and ended up being on my phone and that led to the relapse. I am not sure exactly what lesson to extract from this...

Day 5 has been the hardest so far. The reptilian part of my brain is so sneaky. It deliberately hides away the strong rationale I have for giving up porn. Just now I caught myself thinking (not very consciously) that I should just give up and get it over with. That way I'll be able to sleep in...

Sorry you are going through this man! Have your perhaps considered completely changing your environment? Going away somewhere for a while until you can get a handle on this?

Having some waves of urges. I need to remind myself that PMO never feels as good as it seems in my head. It also helps to break the illusion about these camgirls and pornstars being sex goddesses. They are normal human beings with normal concerns, just trying to make some cash. Somehow...

Rode out the urges last night, slept well and had a decent start to Day 5. I am not going to engage in PMO or any other mindless behavior today.

Had an excellent 4 days. Did not relapse. Did not have urges. Love my new place and am feeling a lot more positive about my work. Slept well last night too. However, I had a bit of a hiccup this afternoon while pursuing a direction in a work project that I thought would be productive but...

Ended up relapsing last night and again this afternoon. What led to the relapse was my inability to fall asleep. I tend to get restless when I can't sleep and I somehow convince myself that PMO will help me fall asleep. But it never does. I actually end up staying up longer after relapsing than...

It's crazy how many triggers are just on YouTube. Maybe it's just my porn addled brain. And of course eventually I want to get to a point where it doesn't even register in my head as a trigger. But at the moment I think it's best to reduce the time spent with internet media. The day overall was...

Hope you are doing better too WoundedEagle. I don't see a journal on your account but if you'd like to talk about this, feel free to DM me. I like your characterization of these camgirls as predators. I remember reading a suggestion on thread here about how it helps to see through the illusion...

Hope you are doing well Fitty. I've felt many of the same things you have. But I know you can make your way out of it.

Excellent strategy for getting through urges! Also understand what you mean about the tracker giving you anxiety. I too have a background counter. But I try not to think of it too often.

Woke up feeling decent. Usually the morning after a relapse I find it hard to get out of bed. But unloading my thoughts on this thread here last night must have helped. Here's to a happy PMO free Friday!

The latter. Could not stick to it. Other aspects of my life got in the way. I am hoping to implement a more "lightweight" version of my initial plan this time around. Focus on simplicity. But kudos to you for sticking with mindfulness!

I have also had days and weeks when I couldn't even remember when or how many time I had relapsed. Also feel you about the zombie mode that takes over on days like that. Perhaps shortening the time window, taking it hour by hour, might help? Or perhaps changing something about your environment...

Damn so good to see you making progress man! Also love the regiment of good habits you have.

Thanks Androg! Thanks for the response. Hoping I luck out with my next therapist then! I do think that in my case PMO doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's closely related to other dysfunctional aspects of my life. So I don't mind working on those at the same time. Plus I think having a physical...

Inspiring to see you make so much progress, brother! I've had those days where after a few good days I felt like I was slipping and in my case I always ended up relapsing. It's good to hear others feel the same way but resist giving in. Gives me something to hope for. You are absolutely right...

Also loved the structured approach you described at the beginning of the thread. I like structure, which is partly why the mindlessness of PMO irks me so much. But I have been unsuccessful so far at using structure to beat this thing. Would love to hear your thoughts on it.

This bit about re-learning coping mechanism hits so hard. Thanks for sharing it. On a separate note, how are you doing Orbiter? Hope things are going well. If not, please do not give up. Also, love your name and the name of the thread!

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