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  1. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Day 2: I came clean to my GF two days ago. Things went well. Awkward and difficult, but she doesn't hate me. She wonders what she did wrong, which hurts to hear. I have a hard time taking care of myself. Like trying to make Dr appointments and doing paperwork for health insurance and all that...
  2. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Thanks for the links! I think I'll attend a zoom meeting this week.
  3. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Recommit: Day 0, November 5, 2023 I honestly hope that I can say this will be the last day I've ever willingly looked at pornography. I'll need everyone's help again. And I thank you in advance for it. What I'm feeling right this minute is guilt and shame and fear and anger at myself. And...
  4. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    My gut says weakness. But IDK... beyond the animal impulse, maybe it's self destruction. Honestly most of the things in my life are going well. I have a wonderful life partner and started a pretty decent job. But there's that part of me that feels like I don't deserve it, or that like a lot of...
  5. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Wow. 4 months since I logged in :( I can't say much except I've been off the wagon, and it's definitely had a negative impact on my relationship and my overall mental state. The first few times I quit, before 2021, before I managed to go over a year, there wasn't much of a driving force. Then I...
  6. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Day 5 I've been busy and sleep deprived, but still on the wagon. Thanks for the support everyone!
  7. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Day 2 I didn't tell her, but it feels like things are good between us. I think I'll tell her after the vacation, or if she brings it up. Yesterday was a good day, and today has been good so far.
  8. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 0 Starting a new thread: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/25133/ Thank you everyone for your past, present, and future support throughout my journey. I wish all of you luck in yours.
  9. Chuckles

    I Need to Be Perfect before I Can Improve

    Sounds silly, right? But that's how I've felt. "I can't start a new thread until I have my shit together. I need to have a plan in place, better starting blocks, so many days under my belt, etc." No. This place exists to help me and all of you get our shit together, to form our plans, to put...
  10. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 17 I'm struggling. Not just with recovery, but with getting my life on track. I have a big lack of motivation, and it sucks. Obviously the desire to fall back into bad habits is incredibly strong. I'm staying strong as best as I can, but I don't have the determination or resolve that I used to
  11. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 8 I know I haven't been on, and at this point I really should be. Things have been alright for the past week. No Porn, no MO. I have been self stimulating while fantasizing, and need to get that under control too. But I've also had other stuff to keep me busy, which is good. Idle hands and...
  12. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 2 I'm up early. Going to have some oatmeal and get in a workout. I texted my GF and she feels better this morning, which makes me feel better, which makes me feel less stressed out, and therefore less likely to struggle with addiction today. I have a few things to knock out, but I'd like to...
  13. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Seriously, this should be in a book.
  14. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    February 26, 2023, My New Day 1: Wednesday, I made it far enough into the day that I logged in here and posted, but a little while later I was right back at it. I stayed up until about 2AM, barely got any sleep, woke up and started again, and was 10 minutes late to my therapy appointment...
  15. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Yeah, you were right. Don't go out of your way to search, but if you do come on that article, can you please share it? Thanks.
  16. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 1: Yesterday I relapsed. I made it Feb 10, 2022 through Feb 20th, 2023, or 1 year 11 days. I slipped in the morning. And when I realized it was PM, and not yet PMO, I said screw it and just jumped back into old habits. Throughout the day, it was 3 sessions totaling about 8 hours worth of...
  17. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    And thanks for the support. Congratulations on how far you've come, and your resolve.
  18. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    I get what you're saying, and I'm a little afraid of that myself too. There's that fear that the "little bit is okay" is a lie. I never had PEID, but did have some prostate issues (which I suspect were from excessive edging, but don't know for sure). There were also times I was less interested...
  19. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Day 349 I realize that I go much longer times between logins here. And I'm definitely not as involved with supporting and encouraging other members as I used to be. Sorry about that. I honestly hope you're all doing well in your lives and recoveries. I'm seriously considering just going off the...
  20. Chuckles

    Miles to Go

    Thanks for the support! I didn't give in, but came close. I'm trying to see the positive. I realize the only way through depressive episodes is through them. There's no avoiding, no "going around". And I remember that my PMO only ever helped in the moment, and only ever made things worse in the...
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