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Relapse at 12:47 today on 2/09, while working a shift here at home. Combination of feeling ill (I have been off of my vegan diet), restlessness and annoyance with long wait times at work, and just not having the techniques mastered for dealing with frustration led to this. But the good news is...

Verse 242 (Dhammapada): Sexual misconduct is the taint of a woman; stinginess is the taint of a giver; evil ways are indeed taints in this world as well as in the next. Correctly interpreted, this means that the evil woman that lures us into temptation (to do evil) leaves a stain on us. This...

1:32 pm, having several of these long calls with customers while I wait to speak to supervisors. Having the urge to look at porn, so I thought I would come in and write here rather than go to Reddit. Just sitting, listening to meditation music. Doing my calls. All's well that ends well!

Morning check in! 17 days sober of alcohol 1 day sober of PMO Hard mode: no Youtube, absolutely no Reddit, and no starting up social media accounts. If I really need something to listen to I can listen to podcasts or music. I have a book club meeting coming up on the 17th, that I still need...

Relapsed on porn today. I can see it coming in hindsight. I messed around on Youtube last night, was over tired, and did not prepare for stress on the job today, so when stress arrived I just let down all the walls and PMOd. Starting again tomorrow. Sober of alcohol: 16 days Sober of PMO: 0 days

This occurs to me, and is how I really feel now after my first relapse since I started a few days ago. I will update my journal with this relapse. It is just that the pain that this addiction has caused me over almost 20 years is awful, and the drama it has caused me in lost friendships with...

Checking in on Day 3. I tried to call in to today's Skype meeting and was right on time, but did not receive a call back. Have a bit of resentment building up. Will call in extra early tomorrow. But let's make today a great day! Richard

Possible he may have lost the forest for the trees. Spirituality is amazing, but the goal is not to become a monk on a mountain, as amazing as that may sound. The POINT is to be spiritual WITHIN a marriage.

Alright, so far so good. A good Sunday over all, and I haven't thought about sex, porn, or Reddit once. Getting off of the computer to clean the house and spend time with Albie.

Good morning! It is Sunday. Day 2. I woke up late today, and so I didn't get to read from the Lotus Sutra (damn is this a long book!) or read from the Big Book. I am working really hard to finish He Chose Porn Over Me, but it is just so raw and powerful. I will finish it by the end of the...

Good evening! I didn't know whether I would be coming back here for this journey as social media is definitely not a healthy place for me and is one of the things I am not allowed on for my mental health, but my intuition says that if I don't write my journey here I will just go back to Reddit...

A lot of isolating this morning (working swing shift) while I am cleaning my office at home. Don't go to Reddit, Don't go to Reddit, Don't go to Reddit!

I am just going to go out and say it. It sounds almost heretical but the longer I keep it bottled inside the worse it gets. [Bear in mind I am only 2 days sober of porn, so it is quite possible that I have no idea what I am talking about, and also I have never had PIED]. I always had...

Trigger Warning!!! You've been warned! Checking in on day 3, 2 days down of no porn. It sounds about right. My head feels like a mental health ward right now. The cravings are SO BAD! All of the light bulbs and messages shooting through my brain saying "Must see TITS!" "Must see women!"...

Checking in on day 2 clean of porn. 1 day down. But I can usually handle one day. I was out of the house today at "work", if I can call the convenience store where I am right now until I finish my professional diploma "work". I am back home now and just going to write a little here, check...

Just slipped. I am ashamed. Can't even make it a day now. I will open the porn books I have and start reading through them. I will try to do some more journaling tomorrow.

I'm interested in how fellow porn addicts use the internet responsibly for legitimate purposes, such as studying, looking up recipes, etc. I know a lot of people use porn blocking software, but unfortunately we don't have much room in the budget for that at the moment so I have to go without...

Just slipped. I'll be back once I've nuked my internet history. *sigh* I have to find a way out. Sobriety from alcohol: 46 days Sobriety from porn: 0 days.

Checking out 3 days sober of porn. Sobriety from alcohol: 46 days Sobriety from porn: 3 days

Checking in at 12:19 am, about to go to bed. Completed one day sober. Will be back tomorrow. Sobriety from alcohol: 44 days Sobriety from porn: 1 day