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  1. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Some thoughts after yesterday: Over the past day after the slip/relapse I still haven't felt affected as much, and no urges so far, or plans to repeat it, which is good. Still will stay careful however. An unexpected observation I had after yesterday was that I actualy did feel a sense of...
  2. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    I relapsed yesterday. Happened in the evening: I had a pretty stressful day at work, and after work I went to have a few beers with friends in a bar. After coming home, I suppose the alcohol+stress reignited some old pathways which led to the idea that "I need to get a dopamine hit before going...
  3. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 74 Today's emotional balance: Not having my best day today. Started feeling a bit under the weather yesterday, probably due to the temperature getting a bit colder. Also think nutrition/stress playing some part aswell. Also didn't sleep much well tonight, which resulted in me feeling like...
  4. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 72 As written yesterday, decided to make these simple check-in prompts. Main idea is that it will make these posts more simple and easier. But also thinking it could help me bring more awareness and introspection to my progress. My goal isn't to reach an X day streak (although that sure...
  5. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 71 no porn I’m back! Still going, however after not checking in here for a couple days again, it’ getting pretty easy to fall out of my journaling habit. On one hand, I tell myself that it’s ok and not a big deal - no one is making me post here, it’s my decision to do so, and it’s fine if I...
  6. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 63 no porn Noticing that urges to MO have been coming more often recently. My goal so far has been only abstaining from porn, and haven't found MO too much of a problem (during these past two months I'd say I MO'd like once in 1-2 weeks, and try to keep it healthy without fantasising and...
  7. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 60 no porn! Days flying by pretty fast. Doing pretty good now: urges are quite rare, I don't get as horny when seeing attractive girls around anymore - sure I still enjoy them, but it's not accompanied with the feelings of urgency and anxiety as much.
  8. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 58 no porn Had a pretty long and slightly stressful day at work. But although it can be stressful, I have actually been enjoying it and feeling quite fulfilled recently - now working on my first pretty big and complex project, so getting lots of new experience and learning a lot. Will try to...
  9. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 57 no porn The weekend trips was great! Spent most of the weekend together with gf, and our relationship seems to be doing pretty good now. --- I'm realizing I'm at a point now where I'm starting to get a bit lazy to write these daily posts. Main reason = I'm starting to feel like I don't...
  10. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 54 no porn Feeling good. Leaving this weekend for a trip with gf and few friends.
  11. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 52 no porn Sort of stopped posting for a couple days. One reason is I had a friend visiting my town over the weekend so was quite busy. Another reason is we had some turmoil in the last few days with my girlfriend - sort of following my previous post. I wasn't really feeling my best and...
  12. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 47 no porn I've been noticing some anger and resentment coming up in the past days. It's interesting, I'm usually a pretty calm and non-conflictive, and anger is almost alien to me - I always took pride on being the rational one and always keeping my head up. Yesterday I got a bit a bit...
  13. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 45 no porn Really appreciate the feedback @Androg! I'm feeling pretty much back on track right now - motivation and energy is great. However I did have another porn dream tonight! But luckily it didn't seem to throw me out of balance at all, like the last one did, it happened quite late in...
  14. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 43 no porn This past weekend after the porn dream I've been feeling slight sluggishness and brain fog. Also I could feel getting triggered a lot by random women again, which just a week ago it felt like I was making a lot of progress with that. Yesterday I wasn't able to do anything...
  15. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 41 no porn Had a really strong and vivid porn dream tonight. Definitely strongest during this streak. I woke up during the night really confused and for a few minutes I was 100% sure I just relapsed. Hard to explain, but although currently I know it was just a dream, during the dream it did...
  16. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 40 no porn Have been finding it hard to journal this week, because I mostly haven't been at home during the evenings, which is when I usually post. Have been doing ok, however have been struggling with focus at work recently - I mostly enjoy my job, however not been enjoying the project I've...
  17. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 37 Feeling pretty good and motivated! This weekend's mini-slip gave me some things to think about. I have started focusing a lot on planning my goals. Been trying to working on a goal setting system, where I'd like to plan my most important values and plan my following months (I have been...
  18. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 35 I slipped yesterday - In the evening I was feeling really stressed and had strong urges and I spent like 20 minutes trying to look for sexy stuff on youtube and instagram. The good thing is I didn't do it with the intention to fully relapse on porn, and haven't watched anything explicit...
  19. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 34 This plan didn't quite work out since I arrived late, however I didn't drink too much (had 5 drinks I think) and had no problem with urges at all! Even though I woke up with a slight hangover, doing my usual morning routine helped a lot and I feel pretty good now. Had a fun night...
  20. wrijak

    Becoming my best self

    Day 33 Small progress today: I was walking on the street and walked past a really attractive girl, I looked at her and didn't react and kept walking. Only like 30 sec later I realized what just happened. Few weeks ago I would instantly get triggered, would get horny and my mind would run in...
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