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hello, yes sir. I am here. Still sober. Went on a no log on stretch there. Month 7 sober, approaching month 8 soon. Its been a pretty hectic stressful end of the year. But I stayed sober, and did not cave in. Admittedly there were some urges and small voices in the back of my head asking why I...

your words are wise. i totally agree the fantasies are there to soothe what we feel is hurting us. sometimes the only solution is to just get through one day without acting out and breaking down. keep it up.

i think you are spot on. being needy is a huge turn off for women and its often what wrecks a man with women, whether its in a marriage or on the dating scene after the first few dates. i know this because i remember a girl i liked very much before my wife and dated very briefly.. then turned...

great mini discussion here. i think men and women process fantasy inherently differently. men will fantasize and would often act on that fantasy whether by trying to actually have a physical affair, or, in our cases, acting out through masturbation/orgasm with or without porn. conversely a woman...

urges again today, maybe not as bad. the wife commented that i've been miserable all weekend and stressed out. yes there is a lot going on, she thnks its everything and anything but my addiction. in a way it irks me that she wouldn't ask me (ever) how i'm doing with my struggle. its like her way...

This sounds like a real nice breakthrough. Totally agree on using flatline as a tool to stay sober and not focused on the old habits.

A couple weeks till 7 months Still sober and grateful to be sober. Although I say that sentence with the feeling that I'm wound very tight right now. Lots of life stress, work stress, kids, everything. I know for a fact the non-sober me would have gladly acted out. But I'm sober and trying to...

yes for the most part. but there have been times, more so the last few weeks where the old addiction wants to elbow in and get me to break down. having read other journals and heard other stories of people doing the same thing its often when we feel confident that "we got this" that thats when...

i would say many women mirror the consistent, committed mindset whereas many men have trouble with that same mindset. unfortunately.

in reading your writings I can see two pains. One is the pain of dealing with a partner who is struggling with his own set of addictions - sexual and chemical. The second is a personal pain of want of a relationship and love but that want is not being fulfilled with the person you chose to want...

i think you misread a bit. sex is not back on the table as of right now i think i'm just coping better with being more patient about living life until it comes around. but i do think its slowly getting there. we'll get there i hope. i haven't asked my wife about sex in over a month; i don't...

Month 6 6 months sober. I stopped using days. I am using months now to highlight my journey, not days I decided. Yes, I'm ok. I have as of late noticed I continue to get more and more busy in life. This is both a good and a bad thing. Good because well I go through my day and know that I was...

i hope you have a productive session without knowing your wife i think its important to separate two important issues that are both related but not the exact same. one is the addiction/porn usage - clearly you have been doing better here. But can she believe/trust you? i know there's an element...

there's a really sad story of a porn star who went from really beautiful and fairly big to living underground in the tunnels of Las Vegas where there is a thriving subterranean homeless community.

this reminds me of a passage on a book about sex addiction, where the author, who is a Christian pastor but also a recovering sex addict, said that the more he watched porn, the more he wanted his wife to engage in "exciting" sex. But it never fulfilled his needs, only actually seemed to fuel...

I'm glad you felt a stirring. my entry yesterday was very short but also necessary from me, for me, but i'm really glad it provided a service to you. My counselor says that for me, growing up lonely in my household with my dysfunctionally emotional parents, I learned how to self soothe, keep my...

Day 160 (give or take) A tough day. I think my wife finally started doing some deep diving into her own recovery and it hit her pretty hard. It feels like a step back day today but we will continue on our recovery. she was honest in saying that she wasn't ready for sex last week, and she's...

good to hear the low urges. they are generally good i think, to help sobriety but also i think, disconcerting at times because it makes one wonder if things work or not. creates a temptation. i know a woman that i would categorize as a siren. the more i knew about her the more i realized she...

on the bright side - you haven't watched porn coming in on a year. you are markedly more self aware now than you were before all this. you have better self control, much better for that matter. i don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but you should probably do an inventory of where...

also another word of caution. once you hopefully do get pregnant and a child. throws a wrench in everything, the wife is often tired and very consumed with taking care of a child as she should be. for me this was a time where i acted out and used porn a lot more. sex when it came around often...