Search results

  1. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Had the pangs again around midnight, they seemed to last for an hour. In the past I would have of course masturbated to some bondage porn fantasy to relax the body. I quit the dating apps for good, they are such shit! It wasn't even that they were a trigger as much as they were just plain...
  2. Aeodh Dan

    Moving Forward

    Even if you relapse, and I hope you don't of course, it's not throwing everything out the window, my friend, all your recover efforts are still there and would help you get back on your feet again. Every time you entertain the thought of going back, you are "failing" just a little, and the truth...
  3. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    "Proper art has to do with aesthetic experience, which is static. Proper art doesn't move you to do anything. It is aesthetic arrest. Improper art, on the other hand, is kinetic. It moves you with desire, loathing or fear for the object represented. Consequently, it moves you to action. Thus...
  4. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

  5. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Last night I was too tired to pay any attention to the porn demons. I watched a movie about a guy who attempted to reach the summit of a notorious mountain in the Himalayas in 1988, but only got to the "fore-summit" and almost died on the way down. 25 years later he did the same climb, finally...
  6. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    The porn demons attacked while I was driving to the dairy today, I have no idea how or why, but it was cunning little offensive they put on. I was able to quickly withdraw, and so far they've been silent again, but I'll be hitting the sack soon, so we'll see... Building momentum one day at a...
  7. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    The wee hours of the morning the stars still adorning A cloudless sky, silent lullaby A whisper I hear, or is it in my head? It all blends together As I lay awake in bed... Morning inspiration, I wish I could carry it through the day. The day invites the struggle, the battle over the mind, who...
  8. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Had a long talk with the wife...and it ended calmly for a change. Yes, distance is needed sometimes. My time alone has been, continues to be vital for my recovery. Breaking through mental barriers, learning to be OK with myself, allowing creative energy to unfold. I am still vulnerable to...
  9. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    The porn demons obviously know that my most vulnerable time is when bedding down for the night. So, that's when they flood my mind with old images and fantasies. It's when I'm tired and perhaps they think weak. One advantage I have now is that I can lay awake in bed and not stress over the fact...
  10. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Moments in time Drifting away Where do they go from day to day? Losses and gains Pleasures and pains Times of joy Sorrow and Toil What's it all worth When it's gone in a flash Hide the memories Add to the stash.. So every moment counts If you wish to recall A life worth living So count them all!
  11. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Constant awareness is key...what thoughts are entering my mind right now? Is there aggravation, apprehension or anxiety about anything or anyone? How is the past influencing my state of mind? What are my dreams telling me? As I was going to sleep last night, my mind wanted to go to familiar...
  12. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    I welcome myth and wonder, I welcome my truth and my story! Tonight as I enter into the world of dream, I also enter into the subconscious and into the wholeness of my being....
  13. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Had a bit of a rough time going to sleep, but posting last night made the difference. "Psychosomatic" is the new concept I'm studying, and many types of chronic pain are considered psychosomatic. A mind-body disorder, and so much of it has to do with thinking and believing in the old familiar...
  14. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Decent day today, nothing eventful, but focus on recovery and spent time in prayer this morning...yes prayer, I finally discovered prayer. Pain symptoms are moving a bit, looking for a place to settle, but I stayed a step ahead for the most part...very mindful now of pain being a possible...
  15. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Had a decent night, active dreaming again... Throughout the day yesterday I set myself up for success, that is the difference. The previous day I had allowed myself to fantasize about this woman on the dating app because of that one fucking photo of her in the swim suit. Nerve pain this morning...
  16. Aeodh Dan

    Moving Forward

    That is the result of work my friend, thank you for being a guiding light for the rest of us! I know that your journaling is a big part of it, writing all of this stuff consistently is vital to the recovery journey. My mind is conditioned to view women a certain way, and it takes a lot of effort...
  17. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Thank you once again for a well designed response, and an honest opinion apparently based on some data no doubt. Yes, the dating app has caused some problems, and I think you are right about the desirability of certain men vs. our willingness to consider ANY woman! To be honest, every time I...
  18. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Yeah, maybe so...I have been pursuing "something" on these "dating apps", but I am not sure I am ready, or perhaps ever will be? I relapsed last night due to excessive fantasy about a woman I messaged with, none of the messages were sexual in nature, but there was one photo she included on her...
  19. Aeodh Dan

    The Road to Redemption

    Embracing the whole man, every part of the psyche, every aspect of existence, all layers of awareness and consciousness... Embracing the entirety of my being is very challenging and there is work and discipline involved. Because the mind wanders and will take me into depths of despair and/or...
  20. Aeodh Dan

    Moving Forward

    I am not sure if seeking pleasure is the way, rather allowing pleasure to come to you maybe.... I like the idea of being open to life whatever comes our way. There is really very little that we can control. Especially outside of ourselves. I used to get so stressed about jobs...I would try and...
Top