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Enjoying some time away with family, in a cottage with no wifi! I have to say I love being around the children and my family, the world of porn seems very far away. I have just snuck away to a pub to do a few online jobs, and am resisting temptations to check certain networking sites. This is...

I am in the middle of a dance workshop, which I am really enjoying, and its full of women from all over the world. The great thing about this kind of retreat is that the ration is about 10-1! I had a moment on the first day where I was just watching them dance, and feeling shame that I was...

Well after recent struggles I feel a renewal of energy and resolve. I have been listening to an amazing audiobook I listened to many times in my buddhist days called Our Pristine Mind, and its inspired me to meditate and and focus on mind/awareness. As the buddha said, experiences are led by...

Feel like I am turning a corner. Yesterday started terribly, with the kind of headache where even lying down feels too much, but got myself together and had a really good session with a client and felt a breakthrough with him. Somewhat karmically this led to a breakthrough for me too, and I felt...

Still just hanging in there really, same old boring story of fatigue and low mood, but have booked some time off. Must be about 80 days no PMO, but as I said have had a few slips in terms of looking, M and fantasy, so am not going to celebrate a 90 day marker. I feel ok today, a bit more...

This week's been busy, a lot of work stress - every time I have sat down to journal something's come up! I am doing ok, still quite tired and low mood but hanging in there. No PMO for a long time, and avoiding MO this week successfully. Have some time and space this weekend which feels needed...

Just for today - Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime. - Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham...

Doing better, avoiding the demons. Had an interesting session with therapist yesterday, happened to mention I tend to do better when in a relationship and she asked me to do some writing around that. I did, and the upshot is am going to try to improve cetain things I don't do so well in as a...

I guess at times when I am pulled back to the addiction or other behaviours - I need to assess what is happening to understand, accept whatever it is without judgment and getting lost in loops, and take action to remedy whatever is happening, common ones for me: - fatigue = just put soothing...

I am grateful I found this place and the support here is invaluable. Between writing away on here and now messaging my therapist as well I am getting clearer and hopefully have managed to avert a real relapse. Successful day yesterday, despite fatigue, cancelled evening plans, and some...

Thanks for that thoughtful and supportive post TAN. I'll be ok, yes there is a lot going on and I need a break from work, but no excuses, and no relapse. I am going back to basics, was reading last night and reminding myself of all the reasons I am quitting, and all the reasons I want to use...

I have lost confidence in my streak since i had peeks recently, perhaps I should restart it. Either way, today I am not going to use, whatever the number. On reflection, starting therapy seems to have been a catalyst for triggers and wobbly resolve, but it has to be done and i am finding it...

Congratulations on 90 days, that's amazing!

GBS - congratulations, what an amazing post to read and thank you for being such an inspiration. Wishing you every happiness 🙏 :)

There really is no upside to porn, having some peeks has taken the happiness out of my streak and it feels inauthentic to celebrate. Its the same set of triggers - low mood and fatigue. I realise that my inner critic has become strong again, which is interesting because it did vanish for a...

Intense therapy session, leaving me feeling emotional, with some overwhelm and confusion. A friend on here prompted me to come back to the body, and presence, so I put on some meditation music and did some loving kindness and breathing sort of mixed in with prayer and now feel a lot better. I...

Weird weekend, I have still been battling with cravings and have had a few peeks which i really don't feel good about. No PMO, but I genuinely don't understand why I do this to myself, as in I do really well and then risk it all or lose track - almost feel like I have a different personality...

Actually slept well last night at work, which is a bonus and will give me a better chance to have a good weekend. First paid client yesterday, session went well and she wants to see me monthly. I have been feeling some emptiness this week, as if life is stuck in a holding pattern, which is how I...

Yes! Good skills and self love..I am going to try to do the same today :)

Thanks both. I think it might be time to think about some time off! I wrote this post yesterday but didn't post it so here it is: Shocking sleep at work - woke up at 1, then at 3, and couldn't get back to sleep, so today is going to be fun. I started to worry about tonight after work, as I...