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There was a period that started two weeks ago that lasted for a week where I got really obsessed with desire again. I was contemplating seeking someone out for something quick, but just when I actually I had to make decision, I couldn't push myself to do it. Instead, I MO'd, and while that...

Crashed and burned. Two PMOs, one shortly after the other. I held out 3 months again, but not because I was strong but because I was preoccupied. Work mostly takes over life but I have little to no life besides work. I feel so much is one-sided and I'm thinking this is not simply an issue with...

Been fighting bouts of depression every day of this week. On Tuesday there was a sexual encounter, which was actually good even though it was likely the shortest I've had in my life, but I discovered that pleasure for pleasure's sake, even with a real person, is a kind of banality. Caressing...

There's been some porn viewing over the past weeks, but I haven't acted on it. I feel like I "get what I need" from just watching pictures or short clips, but it's already too much. Nevertheless, it's a small victory not to have acted on it. I felt a rage some days ago where I just found the...

Relapse. Had a pretty severe bout of temptation this morning. I got to looking at some images and then a short video, but I didn't act on it, but it didn't abate the desire. I held the desire for the entire day and in the evening I just went out. I was just so driven by this. I eventually had a...

Had the first meeting with the therapist today over zoom. Felt really strange; unemotional, detached. Some questions provoked thought but nothing I didn't already know. I likely need to give this time before I start seeing results, so I'm committed to at least two more sessions before I call it...

As you may have noticed JOG, little transgressions open the way for bigger ones. I feel there is really no good course of action other than total abstinence for a set period of time to reboot things. Given you cannot have sex with you wife, perhaps this would be a good opportunity to...

Do you think the best version of you won't have bad days or sometimes feel shit mentally? What do you think the best version of you would do on such days?

Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds... what does it matter? These are all just constructions we make to keep track of things, which, useful as they are, are not the real thing. Does the heart keep a schedule with its beats? No - it goes on for as long as it can. Do kids measure...

You're not alone. You, along with many others, are on the frontier of the human experience. We see your suffering, we acknowledge your pain, and we are with you in your utmost vulnerability but we cannot make the choice for you. Only you can do that. Will you make the choice in ten years? Of...

I want to qoute from the Dopamine Nation book that I'm currently reading: It is funny how the mind can come to think the opposite of what is good for it; as the author writes, "it logically makes sense". Or is it perhaps that there is a deeper logic at work, a logic defined not by exclusivity...

Cheers @Phineas 808 ! Having a dark day here. Most of the day has gone by and I haven't done much, even though I have a pile of work that I need to do. My willpower has just shut down. I'm not tempted by PMO, or at least the temptation is too low for me to hear it, which is good. Bad days...

Last night I started watching this (I got it from one of the journals on this forum, but I've forgotten which - I tried to find it again today but thanks to whoever posted this on their journal!): A lot of good things in this discussion and it's definetly made me go out and get her book...

I watched a video today by a channel called Better Ideas titled How to stop being unconfident. I try to keep an open mind to these self-help things but also guard myself from just watching for the sake of watching with no effect, but there were some good points raised and I thought as an...

Relapse. I'm in a really bad place. Yesterday I had technical issues with my computer and amidst all the other pressure, this thing really pulled me down. So much time spent on this stupid technology and it won't function. I need this thing for work, so it's essential, but now it's weekend and...

I read this from a book today: 'Attached to the front of his computer screen is a piece of paper bearing a quotation from Michael Jordan: “I failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”' Failure is not the end, but the beginning. I'm glad to see that you are getting...

I feel my confidence over the past few weeks eroded and shattered, especially yesterday. It feels like I'm living dimly, not really there with myself. Today I'm feeling better - I get the senes that I'm slowly waking up from a bad dream. One thing in particular that's bothered me a lot is just...

Relapse. First one since last time two weeks ago. This was borne more out of tiredness (a slight hangover from some festivities yesterday, which was actually really good) and a lack of direction. Guys, thank you so much for your support. Work has been utterly insane these past months which...

Relapse. Real bad this time. After about thirty seconds of surfing pure bliss, my thoughts first turned to how many times I've been here, how I'm still failing, how I'm unable to stop. Bliss was replaced with a paradoxical sense of wrath and weakness and I got out of bed only to fall to my...

Thanks for this @forceisstrong2 ! I watched it and it made me think of how certain symptoms can trick us into thinking things are better than they are (the guy in the video was feeling tired and unmotived, and it's only once it's gone several days that he figures something deeper is wrong). I...