happydude742
New Member
Hey guys,
I'm 31 and I've had PIED for over ten years. I had a girlfriend aged 19 and it affected us then on and off, and I think that when it did happen it absolutely shattered my confidence. The precursor to that (which I only now know) is that I had been using internet porn quite adeptly from about the age of 14 and had a pretty serious porn collection within a few years. I never knew what was wrong though. With that girlfriend - we dated for about five years, and had a fairly miserable sex life towards the end - I just struggled confidence wise and never sought help, never knew how to fix it.
We broke up, probably in part due to a lack of intimacy. I visited a doctor that summer and he considered it a confidence problem, and recommended a few books to read. He was really nice about the whole thing. All this time, I was delving deeper and deeper into that ever growing porn collection. Years passed and the collection increased. High speed broadband is a great thing. I had short term relationships with girls and for this, I sought viagra and cialis online, and they worked a treat. The downside was that my head wasn't always in the game. I needed to picture and visualise the pornography in order to become hard and ejaculate. But the sex generally lasted a long while and the girls enjoyed that I suppose. This went on for a few years.
My libido was poor at this point though. I wanted sex, but once I had gotten it, that was it. There was no refractory and sex a second time seemed like a bit of a chore. I continued to fap away nonstop with the ever growning porn collection.
Ultimately I got tired of this and in December 2013, I discovered yourbrainonporn. It was a revelation. There were hundreds and thousands of people out there just like me. Up until this point I had been convinced that it was only old men who struggled with erections and I found it very embarrassing. At the end of that month, I started on the nofap challenge. I deleted my porn collection. I stayed away from any tv shows that I thought might trigger me. I did it for a full five months until Tinder and the beauty of being sent home made pornography by girls on the app undid me, and I was back in trouble.
The five months was amazing. All of the good side effects came, and my erections were returning. But suddenly, I had fallen off the wagon and now I was in trouble. I started to fap again. Like before, it was pretty regular.
Soon after, I met the girl of my dreams. She was everything I ever wanted. For sex, I had to resort to cialis and viagra though. My penis just flatlined most of the time otherwise. Two years later and we now live together. I have made no progress since then. I continue to use cialis and viagra and my girlfriend doesn't know about it. Until recently, I continued to abuse internet pornography and fap when she wasn't in the house. I find it so much easier, faster and a quicker release than sex. Is that wrong? But now I want to rewire and get my head right. My girlfriend knows nothing, except for the fact that my erections aren't always stellar (sometimes I can get caught unawares, or the pill may not have kicked in yet).
We have had sex 3/4 times in the last few years without pills. Those times have been amazing. But I can't always rely on my penis not to completely flatline.
It has been about a month since I have looked at any internet pornography. My girlfriend and I continue to have sex 3-4-5 times a week but I want it to be natural. I want it to be easy and relaxed. Sex is not relaxing for me. It's tense, anxious and fearful that my boner (medically induced or otherwise) is going to go away. I continue to feel like I'm not in the moment. I continue to visualise the old pornography, etc (this has to stop). I need to get sensitized to her touch (I really love it, but I just don't react to it in a way I'd like).
So here I am, starting a long process I imagine. I'd appreciate any tips, advice or general comments. The medication (I'd imagine) is an issue. I don't know what to do without it. I run a very high risk of flatlining and I just don't want to disappoint my girlfriend. I also don't want to risk offending her. Whether to tell her? I'd rather not but then again, I love this girl dearly and I would tell her anything normally. I did lose one girlfriend over this previously.
Thanks for reading
I'm 31 and I've had PIED for over ten years. I had a girlfriend aged 19 and it affected us then on and off, and I think that when it did happen it absolutely shattered my confidence. The precursor to that (which I only now know) is that I had been using internet porn quite adeptly from about the age of 14 and had a pretty serious porn collection within a few years. I never knew what was wrong though. With that girlfriend - we dated for about five years, and had a fairly miserable sex life towards the end - I just struggled confidence wise and never sought help, never knew how to fix it.
We broke up, probably in part due to a lack of intimacy. I visited a doctor that summer and he considered it a confidence problem, and recommended a few books to read. He was really nice about the whole thing. All this time, I was delving deeper and deeper into that ever growing porn collection. Years passed and the collection increased. High speed broadband is a great thing. I had short term relationships with girls and for this, I sought viagra and cialis online, and they worked a treat. The downside was that my head wasn't always in the game. I needed to picture and visualise the pornography in order to become hard and ejaculate. But the sex generally lasted a long while and the girls enjoyed that I suppose. This went on for a few years.
My libido was poor at this point though. I wanted sex, but once I had gotten it, that was it. There was no refractory and sex a second time seemed like a bit of a chore. I continued to fap away nonstop with the ever growning porn collection.
Ultimately I got tired of this and in December 2013, I discovered yourbrainonporn. It was a revelation. There were hundreds and thousands of people out there just like me. Up until this point I had been convinced that it was only old men who struggled with erections and I found it very embarrassing. At the end of that month, I started on the nofap challenge. I deleted my porn collection. I stayed away from any tv shows that I thought might trigger me. I did it for a full five months until Tinder and the beauty of being sent home made pornography by girls on the app undid me, and I was back in trouble.
The five months was amazing. All of the good side effects came, and my erections were returning. But suddenly, I had fallen off the wagon and now I was in trouble. I started to fap again. Like before, it was pretty regular.
Soon after, I met the girl of my dreams. She was everything I ever wanted. For sex, I had to resort to cialis and viagra though. My penis just flatlined most of the time otherwise. Two years later and we now live together. I have made no progress since then. I continue to use cialis and viagra and my girlfriend doesn't know about it. Until recently, I continued to abuse internet pornography and fap when she wasn't in the house. I find it so much easier, faster and a quicker release than sex. Is that wrong? But now I want to rewire and get my head right. My girlfriend knows nothing, except for the fact that my erections aren't always stellar (sometimes I can get caught unawares, or the pill may not have kicked in yet).
We have had sex 3/4 times in the last few years without pills. Those times have been amazing. But I can't always rely on my penis not to completely flatline.
It has been about a month since I have looked at any internet pornography. My girlfriend and I continue to have sex 3-4-5 times a week but I want it to be natural. I want it to be easy and relaxed. Sex is not relaxing for me. It's tense, anxious and fearful that my boner (medically induced or otherwise) is going to go away. I continue to feel like I'm not in the moment. I continue to visualise the old pornography, etc (this has to stop). I need to get sensitized to her touch (I really love it, but I just don't react to it in a way I'd like).
So here I am, starting a long process I imagine. I'd appreciate any tips, advice or general comments. The medication (I'd imagine) is an issue. I don't know what to do without it. I run a very high risk of flatlining and I just don't want to disappoint my girlfriend. I also don't want to risk offending her. Whether to tell her? I'd rather not but then again, I love this girl dearly and I would tell her anything normally. I did lose one girlfriend over this previously.
Thanks for reading