Year of the Dragon - SO Reboot Partner's Journal

[savingmysoul]

Well said Deuce -

Thought and prayers for you SORP.

 

[enablerblue]

Any news on the job yet?

I'm rooting for you. You've done an incredible thing by taking YOUR life into YOUR hands. You are not living for him and his addiction anymore. This is all about you.

From experience, I can say that living in separate homes removed ALL anxiety I had with ex. I have never been better.
I hope this job comes through for you and you can take your next steps soon.

It is the most liberating feeling, dropping the PA.

 

[lyon03]

Egads this is a moving, tragic, thrilling, pathetic, hopeful, and gut-wrenching rollercoaster of a thread. On behalf of every PMO *sshole husband out there, please accept my sincere apologies. You deserved (and will no doubt find) better. You went above and beyond the call of marital duty. RUN....RUN to that new life! I wish you every success with your new life, home, and existence. Once freed of your PMO-addict-anchor, it should be smoother sailing. There should be a statue somewhere for the caring SOs like you...or at least a really killer obelisk. Bless you. 

 

[Gracie]

SORP,  I notice that I cannot message you here anymore.  If you are reading these posts still, please know that I am thinking about you and your life.  I have missed your comments.  There are not many women here commenting anymore.  I miss your advice and your story and your spot on humor! 

Hope you are doing Okay!

 

[So Reboot Partner]

Well I haven't journaled for what? 8 1/2 months. I have amazing things to report.

I'm no longer obsessed with being his salvation or no pmo cop or "making it work" or walking on eggshells or getting angry when he relapses again.

I really let go of all that codependency and found out he really doesn't like that. He liked me miserable and struggling with an addiction he has no intention of giving up.

Yesterday we had mediation for our divorce. He looked worn and tired. He was combative and negative. He had no kind words. I felt happy. I am another day closer to being free.

I was an addict just like him. It wasn't to porn or alcohol or sex or drugs - I was addicted to him and his addiction. That's over now.

The kids are happier. I am joyful. Life is good.

I hope he can break free from pmo, alcohol and the smoking. I can't fix it. I can't hold up relationships for him. He left the house over 5 months ago and has only seen his son three times and his daughter once. I'm sure he's looked at porn more than that.

It's sad, but not for the kids and I.

 

[J]

Well I haven't journaled for what? 8 1/2 months. I have amazing things to report.

I'm no longer obsessed with being his salvation or no pmo cop or "making it work" or walking on eggshells or getting angry when he relapses again.

I really let go of all that codependency and found out he really doesn't like that. He liked me miserable and struggling with an addiction he has no intention of giving up.

Yesterday we had mediation for our divorce. He looked worn and tired. He was combative and negative. He had no kind words. I felt happy. I am another day closer to being free.

I was an addict just like him. It wasn't to porn or alcohol or sex or drugs - I was addicted to him and his addiction. That's over now.

The kids are happier. I am joyful. Life is good.

I hope he can break free from pmo, alcohol and the smoking. I can't fix it. I can't hold up relationships for him. He left the house over 5 months ago and has only seen his son three times and his daughter once. I'm sure he's looked at porn more than that.

It's sad, but not for the kids and I.

It's a sad reality but if I could kick the habit as many others have here then so can your husband. If he hasn't by now made progress it's probably because he hasn't wanted it enough. Sometimes we get too comfortable when we have the support that we forget there are consequences. I applaud you for taking this step for your own health as well as your children. I speak as a person who experienced the other spectrum with an alcoholic father who just doesn't want to change. You have done something amazing by putting an end to your co-dependency. BRAVO!

 

[So Reboot Partner]

Well I haven't journaled for what? 8 1/2 months. I have amazing things to report.

I'm no longer obsessed with being his salvation or no pmo cop or "making it work" or walking on eggshells or getting angry when he relapses again.

I really let go of all that codependency and found out he really doesn't like that. He liked me miserable and struggling with an addiction he has no intention of giving up.

Yesterday we had mediation for our divorce. He looked worn and tired. He was combative and negative. He had no kind words. I felt happy. I am another day closer to being free.

I was an addict just like him. It wasn't to porn or alcohol or sex or drugs - I was addicted to him and his addiction. That's over now.

The kids are happier. I am joyful. Life is good.

I hope he can break free from pmo, alcohol and the smoking. I can't fix it. I can't hold up relationships for him. He left the house over 5 months ago and has only seen his son three times and his daughter once. I'm sure he's looked at porn more than that.

It's sad, but not for the kids and I.

It's a sad reality but if I could kick the habit as many others have here then so can your husband. If he hasn't by now made progress it's probably because he hasn't wanted it enough. Sometimes we get too comfortable when we have the support that we forget there are consequences. I applaud you for taking this step for your own health as well as your children. I speak as a person who experienced the other spectrum with an alcoholic father who just doesn't want to change. You have done something amazing by putting an end to your co-dependency. BRAVO!

Unwinding from dependency or co-dependency is a tough road. Both sides are trying to cling to something that is toxic and unhealthy, a glue of perpetual misery in my experience. Better choices do lead to better consequences and the lie of addiction - that those consequences are somehow worth it - is revealed for what it is - a big fat lie.

I really struggled with my dependency on a man that had no real love for me. The addiction would always be a priority over me, the family - everything. It took a lot of work to make it away from that to a free zone. I still struggle - codependency is still a form of addiction and I make the choice everyday to be free.

 

[Gracie]

Dear SORP  I am sorry I did not see this earlier.  Breaking free of all of this is a good thing.  It is important for your children to have a porn free life at home.  You my dear are a rock star!!!!

 

[Bibbity]

Well I haven't journaled for what? 8 1/2 months. I have amazing things to report.

I'm no longer obsessed with being his salvation or no pmo cop or "making it work" or walking on eggshells or getting angry when he relapses again.

I really let go of all that codependency and found out he really doesn't like that. He liked me miserable and struggling with an addiction he has no intention of giving up.

Yesterday we had mediation for our divorce. He looked worn and tired. He was combative and negative. He had no kind words. I felt happy. I am another day closer to being free.

I was an addict just like him. It wasn't to porn or alcohol or sex or drugs - I was addicted to him and his addiction. That's over now.

The kids are happier. I am joyful. Life is good.

I hope he can break free from pmo, alcohol and the smoking. I can't fix it. I can't hold up relationships for him. He left the house over 5 months ago and has only seen his son three times and his daughter once. I'm sure he's looked at porn more than that.

It's sad, but not for the kids and I.

It's a sad reality but if I could kick the habit as many others have here then so can your husband. If he hasn't by now made progress it's probably because he hasn't wanted it enough. Sometimes we get too comfortable when we have the support that we forget there are consequences. I applaud you for taking this step for your own health as well as your children. I speak as a person who experienced the other spectrum with an alcoholic father who just doesn't want to change. You have done something amazing by putting an end to your co-dependency. BRAVO!

Unwinding from dependency or co-dependency is a tough road. Both sides are trying to cling to something that is toxic and unhealthy, a glue of perpetual misery in my experience. Better choices do lead to better consequences and the lie of addiction - that those consequences are somehow worth it - is revealed for what it is - a big fat lie.

I really struggled with my dependency on a man that had no real love for me. The addiction would always be a priority over me, the family - everything. It took a lot of work to make it away from that to a free zone. I still struggle - codependency is still a form of addiction and I make the choice everyday to be free.

It looks like you saved the only life you could save, your own.  Best of luck and I hope you are able to find REAL joy and happiness now that you have broken the bonds of codependancy.

 

[Objectified1]

I just read most of your journal for the first time. I think you are a very wise and courageous women. God bless you and I hope you all the happiness you deserve. I feel such sadness for your husband because he is losing such a gem. I found your journal Inspiring. A lot of what you said resognated with me.