fapfreezone
Active Member
So, I've just relapsed on PMO and binging on food and I nearly relapsed on gambling but didn't so that one's still at 41 days, though it's not in my signature. I've been thinking about why I relapsed and I've also been reading British comedian and ex drug addict (ten years clean now) Russel Brand's book "Revolution". In it, he says he thinks the reason he felt he needed to take drugs, be promiscuous and use porn was due to a lack of spirituality. He was trying to fill a hole in his soul with drugs, sex and porn.
Do you guys find the same thing? Has spirituality helped you? Do you think it's an essential part of recovery? What are the fundamentals of spirituality? What's the most important thing?
I've been trying to become more spiritual for a while now and so far I've done two main things. I've redefined masculinity how I see fit (in a sentence: be an upstanding citizen) and I've developed what I call the coin system for deciding how productive activities are. Both these things allow me to make choices in life and adopt behaviours in life that are productive, meaningful to me and provide lasting, healthy benefits. This is why I consider them spiritual. I think that living my life according to these two principles will mean that when I look back when i'm older, i'll be satisfied that I lived a worthwhile life and that I was a decent human being. Also, they direct me toward choices that are more meaningful and less empty (such as prioritizing relationships over casual sex).
I'm still doing pretty much everything I do for selfish reasons though, because I don't really understand why i'd want to be so helpful to others. Helping the weak is part of my definition of masculine, but I see little value in helping people who are struggling just because they are struggling. I don't think it's bad to, i'm just not interested in it and I think spirituality would really include some selfless acts. I do actually donate to charity, I just do it because I want to believe i'm a helpful and decent person, not primarily to help others. I feel like I can't afford enough money to make much difference with these things.
Fundamentally, I believe that society is so messed up (obesity epidemic, psychiatry epidemic, porn epidemic, massive social inequality, third world poverty, bullying, wars, etc) that I don't want to be one of the super nice guys because I fear i'll get exploited or miss out on opportunities I could have taken if I was a little more unscrupulous. I think you have to be a bit mean and corrupt to be successful, basically. I also feel like me doing a little something like helping a little old lady across the road is pointless when there are such huge flaws in the system that the things in brackets above exist, because many, many much more serious problems are being created all the time due to our poor societal system. I think the only useful thing I could do would be to solve the major problems, but that's likely too tough for me to actually be able to do. I appreciate that this is pretty dark, but that's what I really think.
Do you guys find the same thing? Has spirituality helped you? Do you think it's an essential part of recovery? What are the fundamentals of spirituality? What's the most important thing?
I've been trying to become more spiritual for a while now and so far I've done two main things. I've redefined masculinity how I see fit (in a sentence: be an upstanding citizen) and I've developed what I call the coin system for deciding how productive activities are. Both these things allow me to make choices in life and adopt behaviours in life that are productive, meaningful to me and provide lasting, healthy benefits. This is why I consider them spiritual. I think that living my life according to these two principles will mean that when I look back when i'm older, i'll be satisfied that I lived a worthwhile life and that I was a decent human being. Also, they direct me toward choices that are more meaningful and less empty (such as prioritizing relationships over casual sex).
I'm still doing pretty much everything I do for selfish reasons though, because I don't really understand why i'd want to be so helpful to others. Helping the weak is part of my definition of masculine, but I see little value in helping people who are struggling just because they are struggling. I don't think it's bad to, i'm just not interested in it and I think spirituality would really include some selfless acts. I do actually donate to charity, I just do it because I want to believe i'm a helpful and decent person, not primarily to help others. I feel like I can't afford enough money to make much difference with these things.
Fundamentally, I believe that society is so messed up (obesity epidemic, psychiatry epidemic, porn epidemic, massive social inequality, third world poverty, bullying, wars, etc) that I don't want to be one of the super nice guys because I fear i'll get exploited or miss out on opportunities I could have taken if I was a little more unscrupulous. I think you have to be a bit mean and corrupt to be successful, basically. I also feel like me doing a little something like helping a little old lady across the road is pointless when there are such huge flaws in the system that the things in brackets above exist, because many, many much more serious problems are being created all the time due to our poor societal system. I think the only useful thing I could do would be to solve the major problems, but that's likely too tough for me to actually be able to do. I appreciate that this is pretty dark, but that's what I really think.