Continue my path to freedom

Treemax

Member
Hi to All, first of all I'm not English and please forgive my language errors. I decided to join this forum because I've admitted to me that I'm porn addicted. I'm 51 married with two children. 5 years ago I start to look inside me and I start to "contact" my emotions and my soul....not a simple thing but with  the help of a qualified friend things are a little bit simpler. The last things I have to put back in order is this porn addiction. I think now I have the necessary strength to do that.
 

balanced

Active Member
Welcome Treemax, and I wish you the best with your reboot. There is alot of good information here, and many stories from others experiencing the same things...their tips, tactics and wisdom can help you as you chart a course away from porn.

I won't say "Good Luck"...for me, luck had nothing to do with it, finding my self-discipline and strengthening it was the key, not luck.
 

Treemax

Member
Many thanks Balanced I agree with you for me luck doesn't exists, exists finding myself, and this is the key. Looking inside me I discovered loooot of things, sometimes it is very painful but necessary.
Now I believe to have the necessary strength to stay away from porn.
I'm experiencing some symptoms like diificult in sleeping during night and not completely hard during intercourse but in other people's experience are temporary symptoms.
 

getagrip

Active Member
You said you had been able to connect with your emotions. I think that's important. Although I do believe all the neuro-chemical research about porn addiction, I think for many, if not most of us, we use addictions, like porn, to run from emotional pain. So yes, I do believe porn addiction is not only about dopamine. It's also about feeling our emotions-- positive and negative-- and not running to porn to escape the discomfort.
 

Treemax

Member
Quite often I feel inside me a sensation like a children in panic that try to run somewhere to break out from internal sensation (anxiety state). I discovered that the anxiety state is loneliness and trying to avoid this sensation/state I feel the attraction to porn. In this way the arousal "cancel" the anxiety state......but there are  side effect!!!
In the past days I didn't feel the attraction to porn some occasional thought about sexual situation but  delicately " I carry out" this kind of thought. Today are 20 days without porn and M.
I' m confident to reach my target.
 

Treemax

Member
Hi Guys, I feel the desire to share my life story with you all. I start to see pornographic  comic strip when I was 8 at the barber shop. One step behind. I start M when I was 6 I discovered this casually but after a while my parents discovered me and I felt me in great discomfort I felt judged  I felt terribly ashamed. From that moment I M practically every day it was "my moment, my space" to relive stress to relive loneliness. When I was 26 I start to buy bad magazines and with Internet things was worse than the beginning. Continue next time. Cheers
 

getagrip

Active Member
It's a vicious cycle: we M to escape the pain of loneliness, but after we M we feel lonelier than ever.
 

Treemax

Member
Today I feelt a great desire to M I didn't see any P but I tried and after a while the desire disappear. I would like to avoid to fight against this sensation instead I try to encompass this sensation and understand it
 

getagrip

Active Member
I don't know too much about the concept of mindfulness but your last sentence is really what mindfulness is about. It's like you said-- you don't fight the sensation, but you are aware of it, you stand back and observe it and try to understand it.
 

Treemax

Member
Uff, today was a complicated day, I felt the desire and I M but the good things is without see any P and I don't feel the necessity to see any P. But i understand something more. In front of the mirror I found some answers...the mirror as Louise Hay says is a great help. When I was 8 my parents discovered me during a M and they ask me why? in that situation Ifelt a great shame and I see my parents as two judges that said me you are doing a wrong things...and such shame was with me today..
 

getagrip

Active Member
Interesting idea about M in front of a mirror. No doubt if we did that we would see very graphically the waste that M is.
 

Treemax

Member
Hi Guys I'm "sadly back" here. Sadly because i'm in again and I decided to reboot my brain. It is a very difficult period and I clearly understand when I'm under pressure or I think I'm not able to do or to mannage the situation I would like to escape from that situation and watching P help me to relive the stress and feel better....for a while becose after some time I'm at the starting point again. what a mess.
 

Treemax

Member
yesterday I feel tempted two or threee times but I stayed with the sensation and I didn't watch P. The sensation of no watching P was nice.
I noticed the sensation and temptation arise when I feel annoyed or there is something difficult I'm afraid I won't make it anxia arise and grow, I want to escape from that feeling and temptation to see P to cool down from those feelings,
 

Treemax

Member
Is not simple inthis moment I feel with so many things to do I don't know where to start and I would like to feel good I wanrt to escaper from this sensation and temptation to see P arise I'm fighting with this sensation
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Is not simple inthis moment I feel with so many things to do I don't know where to start and I would like to feel good I wanrt to escaper from this sensation and temptation to see P arise I'm fighting with this sensation
It will get easier as you stick with it.
 

Treemax

Member
Many thanks Androg and TakeActionNow, I'm here because today also I feel the need of pleasure to "silent" the desire of P. I'm reflecting and this moning I feel stressed from sudy (I would't to to this) and P is the "escape". Your words give me a great spark to continue on this way and I feel better, thanks Guys!!!!
 

Treemax

Member
Today is it a real mess, i feel tempted every secon I'm studying but quite oftem my mind go there. I feel annoyed but I have to study. I will try to stick with it!!! as said by Androg
 
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