Five year no PMO journey
- Thread starter jjacks
- Start date
BuddhaAwake
Active Member
Way to go jjacks! Anything and everything to avoid triggers.
I keep the blinds up in my writing room (I'm writing a novel) to keep myself honest here. My trigger is in bed at night with my tablet on.
I keep the blinds up in my writing room (I'm writing a novel) to keep myself honest here. My trigger is in bed at night with my tablet on.
Day 8 ? or it should be day 8 ?
I went into day 7 having cut all my ties to online stimulation, and ready to face the new work week. I was apprehensive about being isolated in my private home office, where my well-established habit of working naked in front of the webcam would take over. I expressed that fear in yesterday?s entry and several folks on this forum advised me to move.
Unfortunately it was too late. Even without the pictures and webcams, I MO?d for the first time in a week. The trigger ? open the office ? then off with the clothes, start to manipulate my dick, was all too strong. I wish I could say it gave me pleasure, that it was the sensory experience promised at the end of this journey. But it was just the same old release allowing me to focus back on my work. Just another day at the office. I am not ashamed, just pissed off.
So here I am at Day 1 again. I have started my workday downstairs, next to my wife?s workshop. There will probably be interruptions throughout the day, but nothing like what I faced upstairs in isolation. I have moved from the environment that enabled this behavior. I would wager that my productivity today will be higher than it has been for a while.
There is a strong message: identify the triggers and remove them, all of them. It?s all or nothing.
Day 1 again.
I went into day 7 having cut all my ties to online stimulation, and ready to face the new work week. I was apprehensive about being isolated in my private home office, where my well-established habit of working naked in front of the webcam would take over. I expressed that fear in yesterday?s entry and several folks on this forum advised me to move.
Unfortunately it was too late. Even without the pictures and webcams, I MO?d for the first time in a week. The trigger ? open the office ? then off with the clothes, start to manipulate my dick, was all too strong. I wish I could say it gave me pleasure, that it was the sensory experience promised at the end of this journey. But it was just the same old release allowing me to focus back on my work. Just another day at the office. I am not ashamed, just pissed off.
So here I am at Day 1 again. I have started my workday downstairs, next to my wife?s workshop. There will probably be interruptions throughout the day, but nothing like what I faced upstairs in isolation. I have moved from the environment that enabled this behavior. I would wager that my productivity today will be higher than it has been for a while.
There is a strong message: identify the triggers and remove them, all of them. It?s all or nothing.
Day 1 again.
Day 2 (9 days porn free). Yesterday was good all around.
I think back to earlier statements I made on masturbation being good to help keep a man's plumbing in balance while his wife goes suffers from menopausal libido slowdown. What I did on Monday, coaxing my limp penis to a semi-hard state and quick release, was not what I had in mind. Lots of work to do.
I think back to earlier statements I made on masturbation being good to help keep a man's plumbing in balance while his wife goes suffers from menopausal libido slowdown. What I did on Monday, coaxing my limp penis to a semi-hard state and quick release, was not what I had in mind. Lots of work to do.
Phase2
Well-Known Member
Hi JJ: keep going man. Yeah, that MO scene sounds kind of pathetic. But you have learned from it: you can see where there is a real difference from masturbation because you are truly horny and masturbation because of other things: anxiety, boredom, habit, etc. Still, I believe you should not masturbate at all during your reboot. Commit to making a real change--and that means sticking to your plan! To change your brain, you need to make Big Changes. Do it!
I had some webcam issues as well. I took a piece of tape and wrote the date I decided to stop PMO (Dec 12 2014) in big black letters on the tape and then put it across the webcam hole on my PC. Helps remind me why I stopped and eliminated the temptation. After a few weeks, I stopped even thinking about Skype...
Good luck buddy!
I had some webcam issues as well. I took a piece of tape and wrote the date I decided to stop PMO (Dec 12 2014) in big black letters on the tape and then put it across the webcam hole on my PC. Helps remind me why I stopped and eliminated the temptation. After a few weeks, I stopped even thinking about Skype...
Good luck buddy!
Thanks for the encouragement, Phase2. Every little bit helps. I am only a week into this and I do not think about the cam part a whole lot. I hated it and felt empty afterward every time I did it.
But that is a tiny part. Man, the lingering effect on the brain of years of this stuff is overwhelming!
But that is a tiny part. Man, the lingering effect on the brain of years of this stuff is overwhelming!
Farmer1016
Active Member
Sort of a similar experience for me this morning.
I woke up prior to the alarm with full MW. After a few minutes of casual touching, I moved beyond that. Apparently I moved around enough to wake her and she began to participate.
While the orgasm was intense physically, my erection throughout wasn't more than 50 or 60%.
Lots of progress behind me, lots more ahead.
One day at a time.
I woke up prior to the alarm with full MW. After a few minutes of casual touching, I moved beyond that. Apparently I moved around enough to wake her and she began to participate.
While the orgasm was intense physically, my erection throughout wasn't more than 50 or 60%.
Lots of progress behind me, lots more ahead.
One day at a time.
laalee
Active Member
Farmer1016 said:
Hi Farmer1016 just wanted to ask you a question. So is it right that you are not in Hard Mode because you O
I have reached my goal of 90 days so what can i do now? i do not have a partner not one for 6 years i have tried to date but it has not worked for me, i also have not had sex for 7months because i am also a sex addict and i was addicted to anonymous sex.
How does a single man express their sexuality?
thankyou
laalee, nothing wrong with masturbation, dude, especially given the huge health risks of anonymous sex. I think you need to know that you have reached that place from before whatever got you here.
I suspect we need to see the signs of recovery. Regular morning woods (congrats Farmer). Instant arousal when partner or hand meets penis. These are the first signs. A litmus test, as it were.
I suspect we need to see the signs of recovery. Regular morning woods (congrats Farmer). Instant arousal when partner or hand meets penis. These are the first signs. A litmus test, as it were.
Farmer1016
Active Member
laalee, I began this process in hard mode (which wasn't really difficult due to the chronic ED issues). Once I had progressed some and felt that it was time to introduce some intimacy and rewiring. The results varied but gradually got better for sure.
Now that you're beyond 90 days, I would say that masturbation is certainly okay as long as it doesn't throw you backwards. For me, masturbation has almost always led me back toward the PMO cycle. That's the major reason that I completely abstained from it as well. I've only recently have I begun to MO, and it's usually two or three weeks in between. On those occasions, I only do it when my bride is there with me, usually participating to some degree. That way I cannot possibly wander back into the PMO trap.
Aside from a healthy level of masturbation, I cannot offer much advice to you on that. Hopefully you'll be able to meet someone soon and things will work well for you in the future.
Sorry for the hijacking jjacks
No hijack here, Farmer, I welcome the dialogue as part of the journal. Think of this as the same boat we all find ourselves in. We will learn from each other and celebrate each other's successes.
I agree with your idea of "healthy masturbation", as you put it. It is quite obviously a natural thing, otherwise our arms would surely not have evolved to this exact length. When masturbation is no longer healthy, then we need to recognize the problem. I think abstention during this process is good which is why I reset my counter on Monday.
Think of this as the same boat we all find ourselves in. We will learn from each other and celebrate each other's successes.I agree with your idea of "healthy masturbation", as you put it. It is quite obviously a natural thing, otherwise our arms would surely not have evolved to this exact length. When masturbation is no longer healthy, then we need to recognize the problem. I think abstention during this process is good which is why I reset my counter on Monday.
Phase2
Well-Known Member
I've found that if I want a boner for sex, I need to be fully horny when that time comes and that means not having masturbated beforehand. If I've orgasmed three or four days before, it ain't gonna work so well. So for the past two years, I've not jerked off at all--saving it only for real-time encounters. Of course that means I have to work hard to get laid every two weeks. This has worked pretty well. I've also taken a little Cialis which combined with a 7-10 day load, means I'm good. That combo has worked.
Lately, I've had some longer-than-two week situations and I think that might be going too long. I don't think it's a problem physically because I can always release in a wet dream, but for sex it is because I've noticed that early in the sexy time, my dick will just want to premature ejaculate. It's like my rhythm is off--or there is too much semen buildup to hold it anymore--it doesn't even want to wait for the orgasm. It just wants OUT! So, that's no good.
So my new tact. Continue to not masturbate unless I reach a two week period and then I do it (without porn of course) only to keep my balls from getting too flooded.
The experiment continues...
Lately, I've had some longer-than-two week situations and I think that might be going too long. I don't think it's a problem physically because I can always release in a wet dream, but for sex it is because I've noticed that early in the sexy time, my dick will just want to premature ejaculate. It's like my rhythm is off--or there is too much semen buildup to hold it anymore--it doesn't even want to wait for the orgasm. It just wants OUT! So, that's no good.
So my new tact. Continue to not masturbate unless I reach a two week period and then I do it (without porn of course) only to keep my balls from getting too flooded.
The experiment continues...
Your description parallels my own experience. Before I started on the porn path 10 years ago, I would masturbate (pleasurably) and then be able to perform to my max with my wife within two days. Now I need a week at least, and chances are that I will barely maintain the erection with my wife long enough to go inside. Even masturbating is not fun any more.
I have thought of asking my doctor for pills, but, thankfully, I stumbled on this forum. I have now realized that what I have is PIED and that it is not physical, it is all in my head.
I have thought of asking my doctor for pills, but, thankfully, I stumbled on this forum. I have now realized that what I have is PIED and that it is not physical, it is all in my head.
laalee
Active Member
Great responses guys, thank you i appreciate the feed back and reading your journey.
Its great to be able to chat to you all very helpful. After 95 days of no pmo i have not had 1 wet dream i have had sexual dreams but no o
i rarely get MW i did this morning for like 10secs so not sure what is going on. I have had to give up the idea of a relationship because it is not happening and it can become an addiction also like OCD thoughts, i have and need to except i am single.
Im happy that some of you have partners to re wire
Its great to be able to chat to you all very helpful. After 95 days of no pmo i have not had 1 wet dream i have had sexual dreams but no o
i rarely get MW i did this morning for like 10secs so not sure what is going on. I have had to give up the idea of a relationship because it is not happening and it can become an addiction also like OCD thoughts, i have and need to except i am single.
Im happy that some of you have partners to re wire
Day 8 no MO or 15 no PMO. I have been keeping myself busy so there has been little temptation to stray.
I wrote earlier in response to another journal about thinking back on why he and his wife got together in the first place. As I was composing my thoughts for that posting,I was in the shower and I thought back on my own early days. Got my first spontaneous erection in a long time. What a wonderful surprise! There is still a spark in my old junk.
I wrote earlier in response to another journal about thinking back on why he and his wife got together in the first place. As I was composing my thoughts for that posting,I was in the shower and I thought back on my own early days. Got my first spontaneous erection in a long time. What a wonderful surprise! There is still a spark in my old junk.
Farmer1016
Active Member
Awesome!
Hands off!
Hands off!