Hey all,
So I have posted here before about my struggle and now things are a little different..
In my latest streak, I noticed that I became viscerally attracted to women again, just like I remembered I was when I was a young kid before I discovered porn and gay porn at 12. It came around day 60 when I got these flood of my hetero attractions again and it's like I was ONLY attracted to women, not even bisexual... it became difficult not to fap to images and videos featuring hot women
Well naturally, I thought it was too good to be true and HOCD came creeping back and I kept looking at bi-coming out stories and stuff and checking and reassuring that I really was straight and I got anxious again, making me think "oh but I am still bi..." although my attractions to women came back WITHOUT investing in looking at porn featuring women, etc.
Well I actually relapsed at day 91 because I had kept having this fantasies about women that were overwhelming to me and I loved that the attraction came back so I went ahead and stroked until ejaculation..
Of course this left a chaser and I was by my computer and I felt like looking up gay porn just to test myself again and long story short, it aroused me after looking for a while and I relapsed again) and now I have the flood of HOCD again and feeling attracted to guys and arousal again that wasn't there
I know the answer seems simple - stop watching the porn, stop PMO-ing but I just hate how all it takes is one little drop to ruin my progress and return of what i feel are my natural desires... any thoughts?
So I have posted here before about my struggle and now things are a little different..
In my latest streak, I noticed that I became viscerally attracted to women again, just like I remembered I was when I was a young kid before I discovered porn and gay porn at 12. It came around day 60 when I got these flood of my hetero attractions again and it's like I was ONLY attracted to women, not even bisexual... it became difficult not to fap to images and videos featuring hot women
Well naturally, I thought it was too good to be true and HOCD came creeping back and I kept looking at bi-coming out stories and stuff and checking and reassuring that I really was straight and I got anxious again, making me think "oh but I am still bi..." although my attractions to women came back WITHOUT investing in looking at porn featuring women, etc.
Well I actually relapsed at day 91 because I had kept having this fantasies about women that were overwhelming to me and I loved that the attraction came back so I went ahead and stroked until ejaculation..
Of course this left a chaser and I was by my computer and I felt like looking up gay porn just to test myself again and long story short, it aroused me after looking for a while and I relapsed again) and now I have the flood of HOCD again and feeling attracted to guys and arousal again that wasn't there
I know the answer seems simple - stop watching the porn, stop PMO-ing but I just hate how all it takes is one little drop to ruin my progress and return of what i feel are my natural desires... any thoughts?
