35y male, getting confidence and keep going

[kobe]

Dear all,

I am a new member, who is 34y.
I have watched porn since 14, and started the internet porn at around 20s.
I have tried to quit several times before, but not very serious.
Until this year, I have found I have ED and also sweat a lot (cold feet and cold hand) when I have sex with women.
I realize there is some problem inside me.

I have talked with doctor locally, but did not get good advice. He just said I am ok.
I start to realize my problem until I get info to this website and yourbrainonporn.
I started my reboot journey two weeks ago.

The big issue for me now, is my job performance is low.
Usually when I was tired and loss of concentration, I will do PMO.
However, without PMO, I nearly can not do anything in the first two weeks.
I am kind of my own boss, and have my own office.
Because I have my own space, I have a lot of time to be alone with myself.

However, I start to be able to continue my delayed work after two weeks.
I hope my reboot journey will become smoother.
With all your support, I think I can face the porn addiction this time.
This issue was hunting me for 20 years, and now is the time to fight back.

Wish all you guys the best,

BTW, I am in Taiwan, does anyone know if there is Chinese info about the porn addiction? thanks

 

[macondo]

Good luck Kobe, I can sympathize with the work issues and PMO, I would do it when I got anxiety, especially working on big projects. It's very tough to shake. Keep with it, you'll notice a difference, a big one. Good luck with your journey and take care.

 

[kobe]

Dear all,

Thanks for encourage me.
I found the most difficult time in a day for me is,
1. Getting up in the morning and playing smartphone on the bed. Sometimes it will take me one hours to really leave the bed. Because I don't watch porn now, I still will read news. I found I am still trying to trace the sexy/nude/dirty news, which might not be good for rebooting.

2. The morning time around 11am. If there is no meeting, usually around 11am, I start to feel tired, and usually there will not much thing to do during this time. So I start to get aroused and loss my concentration for job. Like I said, I start to look at yahoo.com, and try to see if there is any interesting news.

3. 2-3pm in the afternoon. Also, it is around the tea-break time. It is also a timing for me to feel tired.

Once I feel tired, I became horny, and try to looking for something interesting. That is my problem now. If I have meeting all day, or in a conference outside, I usually will not have this symptom.

Any advise?

 

[123bob]

DUDE ! You need to delete any porn aps and or get rid of your phone in the morning. JUST FUCKING DO IT ! NO EXCUSES ! ! !

Put your phone in the kitchen in draw or do whatever you need to not have it by your bed in the morning.

 

[kobe]

Hi, Guys,

Thanks for the advise.
I will do it, and not using smartphone on bed when I get up in the morning is useful.

About PMO, I have another question.
Since I have girlfriend now, but we don't have sex, because of her religion.
This weekend, when we hugged together and have some good time on bed.
She is helping me masturbating.

I am not sure if this is good for rebooting or not.
However, I think it is different from PMO, because there is no porn.
I have heard the relationship with real women is helpful for rebooting.

Does anyone have same experience?

BTW, I am in my rebooting journey for 3 weeks now.
Before, when my girlfriend wants to help me masturbating, it did not work.
This time it works like couple years ago.
It might be benefited from rebooting or maybe just the effect for no PMO for a while.

thanks.

Keep going.

 

[kobe]

It is my 20 days now.
But the journey becomes very difficult now, I start to watch some nude pictures and articles now.

I did not P-M-O, but I think I might start to watch P soon.

So bad, especially when I can tired, really want to watch some porn.....

help

 

[kobe]

Hi,

It is a very difficult week to me.
I started to watch porn site again.
I did not do P-M-O, but I did try to search the porn.
I typically did P and M a little bit, but I did not reach O.

I am not sure should I re-count my dates.

Very hard to put my focus back to my work.

I am not sure if this is related to my girlfriend, but I have many fights with her.
I just want to have a great sex partner with me.

Why I can not find one?

 

[kobe]

Today I watched a lot of porn, and I did not sleep well.
Actually, I can not sleep at all.
I try to hang out with some girls, but actually they did turn me on.
I watched porn, and did masturbation, but I did not reach to O.
Hope I can still count my days.

If the reboot affact my sleep quality now.
Do you have any suggestion?

thanks

 

[kobe]

When the reboot goes to the 20 days, it becomes very difficult.
I can not stop myself to look for pron or the sexy materials.
I even can not sleep well, and get up very early.

One thing I did not do yet is P-M-O.

I am not sure if without O, does it count for relapse?

However, I thing the point is not watching any artificial sex materials.

So, I think even with O, it is still relapse.

sigh...

 

[Vincent]

hi there,
I had a relapse today as well...it is shit, i know.
The only thing we can do is tighten our defenses and start from scratch.
we have to fight ourselves. Regardless the circumstances, we need to, if we want to get our lifes back on track.
I am sure we CAN DO IT!

Keep it up.

 

[Needs Coffee]

I found the most difficult time in a day for me is,
1. Getting up in the morning and playing smartphone on the bed. Sometimes it will take me one hours to really leave the bed...
2. The morning time around 11am... I start to feel tired, and usually there will not much thing to do during this time.
3. 2-3pm in the afternoon. Also, it is around the tea-break time. It is also a timing for me to feel tired.
Once I feel tired, I became horny, and try to looking for something interesting.
Any advise?

My advice would be to try to switch up your routine so that you replace those triggers. I have added a variety of exercise/physical activities to my routine. It helps to get me moving and motivated, as well as help me to sleep at night. Late evening was my most common PMO time. Now the computer and phone are both turned off earlier in the evening and I do other things instead.

I watched porn, and did masturbation, but I did not reach to O.

Although this isn't PMO, it's not helping recovery, in my opinion. By watching porn, the reward circuits of our brains are not able to heal and readjust to being a sexual performer, rather than just a sexual observer.

While I know that PMO has no place in my life, I have mixed opinions on MO. If I go for more than a couple of weeks without O, it begins to affect me with erections at unwanted times and sex too often disrupting my concentration. When I don't have an opportunity for real sex, at least MO is a way to clean the pipes. However, I don't want MO to become an addiction either. So I try to keep the occurrences of MO under control. No more than once per week, something like that. I additionally limit MO for two other reasons: 1) It's already happened that I gave in to MO and the very next day I had the opportunity for real sex. I performed, but probably not as well as if I hadn't masturbated the day before. 2) With MO it's common to use a fast, tight fist. That is not the same sensation as real intercourse. Consequently, I think I'm still rebooting to the physical pleasures experienced with real sex rather than my hand.

Again, these are only my opinions and I'm still in the process of rebooting. But I'd highly recommend avoiding any and all porn. I'd suggest that if you've gone a week or more without O and are feeling very frustrated, MO with thoughts of real intercourse, not replaying porn scenes in your mind. www.Yourbrainonporn.com has many articles and personal accounts that will probably be of more help.

Hang in there! You can reboot successfully. And you will have a lot of real great sex in the future. Don't let the frustrations of rebooting discourage you from focusing on that greater reward!

 

[kobe]

it is my forth weeks in rebooting.
I will say it is really not easy.

I do not feel very healthy during this period.
I still want to watch porn, and I am looking for sex with random women.

I am thinking to break up with my girlfriend, because I don't feel i love her anymore.
We don't have sex from the beginning, probably 3 years ago.

I relay on PMO during this time.
I feel weak, with no confidence, and don't feel comfortable in the past four weeks.

I kind of miss the old day with PMO, at least I can function well in most of the time.
At least, I can sleep well. I miss the PMO before sleep.
I miss the girl I had sex with.

 

[Vincent]

hey there,
is there a specific reason you and your GF do not have sex?
Of course the urges get stronger and stronger if eventually you cannot satisfy them.
IF that means you usually go to other women for that you should rethink your concept of relationship with your GF.
Since I do not know any specifics I cannot give a judgement on that but, why are you still together?

 

[kobe]

yeah. thanks for your reply.

She is a virgin because she don't want to have sex before marriage.
In the first 2 years we live together, I usually do PMO.
After that, we became long distance, and I start to know new girls in my city.

Now, she is willing to have sex with me, but I found I am ED to her, and kind of lacks interest to her.

I am not sure should I reconsider the relationship of my girlfriend.

Maybe it is also part of the reason for porn addiction.

 

[kobe]

Hi, all,

I am watching porn right now.
I found it is easier to do PM without O, but it is hard to quit P.
I understand the point is quitting porn.
There is still some difficulty for me to really quit it.

very very bad experience.
I kind of loss my confidence.

 

[Vincent]

Do NOT lose your confidence. You have a reason for the no PMO and that is not only to change your relationships but your life.
The ED is (most certainly) a cause of the heavy PMO. 

And yes, your are right. Porn is the killer here. You are not weak!!! you are addicted. Everybody here now and then falls into the hole of depressing thoughts, having a lapse and relapse and making the whole world around oneself very dark and unwelcoming. But that is only temporary! A lapse or slip is not your downfall. You can go on and you will succeed if you have something you want to fight for.

I am sorry to have asked a personal question about your relationship. It was not my intention to make you struggle. If there was a reason you accepted your girlfriend's abstinence because of marriage virginity I am sure you were convinced of her sincerity and personality. Doing PMO during this time is not YOUR fault. It is pretty normal for guys who don't get sex to go crazy on Porn. I did the same. But now we went a step further and want to change our lifes.

Fron what I have read, you ED concerning your GF is very much porn related. The loss of interest is because you never experienced the same feeling of being sexually close to her that you experienced with porn. For me, sex was porn and the real sex was,,,,well.....the other thing.
DOn't feel bad about yourself because you watched porn. This happens. It is in the past. Now it is important to focus on the future life of "kobe"

It is your decision, your life, your girl and your sexuality. And I am sure, that you know where you want to go.

Keep up the hope and don't fall!

We're all toghether in this!

 

[kobe]

Thanks for your reply.
I would keep fighting for it.

When I visit my girlfriend, I am totally fine with no PMO.
Even we don't have sex, and actually I do not eager to  sex with her now, I am still pretty ok to enjoy the life without porn.

However, when I am alone in my apartment or in my own office, it is very difficult.
Especially in my own office, once I need to work but feel tired, I would like to watch porn.

If I could stay with ppls all day lone, both in day time and night time, it will be easier for me to reboot.
However, it is very hard for an adult to get with ppl all the time.

 

[kobe]

I am back.

Still on my journey to rebooting.
This is my fourth week. I have done some PM, M, P, but no PMO.
I know the points is to quit P, and I will keep working on it.

However, there is a new problem now.
I did not have sex with my girlfriend because of marriage virgin stuff.
Lately, I start to looking for buying sex. (Massage with hand work)
I have tried once, and I think I might try again. (I might try intercourse next time)

The problem is, does this count for real women sex?
Since it is not porn, it should be real women sex. However, it is not a relationship, neither.
I am afraid the porn addiction will turn out to be sex addiction.
Does it a good way in rebooting?

Need your advise, thanks.

 

[Vincent]

well, what you do is basically up to you. So if this is ok for you and the marriage, why not.

In regards to the question: since it is "real" sex with a "real" woman I would also call it by its name.
Sex is sex bought or not.

The thing is however, whether you just project into the sex what you saw on screen or if you enjouy it in a different way that is not "porn related". If you just hammer the woman like you saw in a vid, i would say it's money unwise spent.

If you have sex for the sake of having sex I personally think that bought sex is way more healthy than PMOing because because you simply do it with another person. Problematic however is, that you apply the same system to sex. PMO is a substitute for the courage and expenses (energetic and timewise) spent to have intercourse. Since the payment serves as the same factor - so basically making it easy - it could lead to less engagement towards courting women.

This however is only a one sided view of mine, a baseless theory at best ;D.

But as I already said: you decide, what is ok and what not for you and your marriage.
I don't think sex with a fancy woman is comparable to PMO at all.

 

[kobe]

One thing I think buying sex related to watching porn is about seeking for novelty.
Looking for new women might be similar to looking for new porn.

Does any one have the comment about sex addiction and porn addiction?

Is there any relationship? to change from one to the other.

Comparing to these two, porn addiction might be better, since you don't need to get rid of your money.

thanks for your sharing.

best,