diablo0310
New Member
Hello All,
I am 25 and was recently pointed in this direction by my caring wife who, despite all the grief, stuck by my side and pushed me to realize my addiction. I will begin by telling my story of approximately when I started watching porn, the effects it has had on my life and what I am doing now to make things better by beginning my reboot.
I remember being exposed to a lot of artificial stimulants as a child but I believe I was around 8 years old when I saw my first nudie magazine. It was one of my recently divorced father's room mate's that was stashed under his mattress. While visiting my father that summer, I was exposed to quite a few porn movies and several magazines. I would hide around the corner while my father and his gf would watch some pretty kinky stuff all while I was supposed to be in bed. Even though this was my first exposure to this type of stimulation it wasn't until much later that I put two and two together and was able to act on my urges. During the years leading up to my discovery of masturbation, I would do just as many other boys did, I would stay up late while mom or dad was asleep so that I could just get a glimpse of anything related to sex but it did not graduate to a full blown addiction until I was about 12 or 13.
Once again while visiting my father over the summer I was left to my own devices and was able to have more "me time." I just remember one night while watching a skinemax show, I was overly aroused and noticed the pre-ejaculate had soaked through my underwear. Now up until this time I had long thought that it wasn?t until much later in life that I would be able to actually ejaculate. So my curious mind pushed me past the breaking point and after that one time of self-gratification I was hooked. It wasn?t until I was 15 that we had high speed internet in our home and even then I was still fairly new to the concept of online porn. I would do a few searches and only able to find images or short clips but this was enough to satisfy the craving that had been built up.
All throughout high school I never had any relationship problems or had any real issues that stemmed from my fascination with porn, other than being scolded occasionally by my mother which thanks to modern day media seemed to be normal. At this time I was still downloading clips from the old school Napster style sources. It wasn?t until I left home and got to see the world more that I was exposed to the world of free streaming pornography and I believe that it was this point in my life that really put things in high gear for me going down a dead end road. I was overseas, and when I wasn?t working or going out to get drunk with my friends, I was surfing the internet and masturbating. I felt like there was nothing else better to do than just sit in front of a screen and pleasure myself. This went on for almost two years before I met my wife.
When my wife and I began dating, she knew I watched porn and much like many of the other women I had dated did not mind because for all she knew it was not a problem. Besides it wasn?t like I was doing it while she was around, I would only do it when I really felt the urge and when I was with her I never even thought about porn. She is the one thing that I felt mattered at that time and for quite some time porn took the back burner since she was there and could satisfy any urge that might arise. It wasn?t until we got married that I soon realized that porn was creeping back into my life and really started suffocating our marriage. We argued but it still didn?t really take root in my head that I may have a problem. A little over 4 years goes by with similar cycles of me trying to stop but over time I would always turn back to porn and it didn?t help that with the invention of smart phones porn became even more easily accessible. She would find it and I would try to find new ways of hiding it but it never took long before she wised up to what was going on. Finally, it got to the point that she could not take any more and she destroyed my smart phone and insisted that I could only have a simple old school flip phone. After seeing the pain in her eyes and witnessing how much I was hurting her I knew that this was not something I should go back to for the sake of our marriage and our little girl.
I decided to call it quits and go cold turkey, no more porn. At least that is what I wanted to happen. I would still masturbate here and there while only thinking of her since I did not want to let that part of mind slip again. I actually did pretty well for quite some time and was darn proud of myself but as many may know it is much easier said than done. I recently deployed and with the separation my urges began to surface again. I held them off for quite some time and she even aided me by sending me pictures of herself to help with my problem. But it wasn?t long before curiosity got the best of me and I fell into an old habit. Thankfully I was not aroused by what I had found because my wife and I had begun to develop a much stronger bond and those things did not excite me as much as she does. I did not want to anger her or bother her with my partial relapse so I played it off as nothing happened. Somehow, someway she knew though, she began asking questions and prying at me to break it out of me. It wasn?t until she directly asked me that I knew I could not lie to her, I told her what I did and explained what had happened. She thanked me for being honest and pointed me in the direction of Yourbrainonporn.com. She suggested that it could be an addiction and that I should take a look at the site.
I began reading and realized that I do have an addiction, it was hard to believe but once I read more I began to understand and thankfully I have begun my new reboot. It took me about two weeks from my initial reboot to find the time and actually sit down and write all of this out. The past two weeks have not been too difficult, I have removed all forms of artificial stimulation from my computer, including the pictures of my wife since I do not want that connection to a computer screen to influence my erection in any way. Even though I am currently not struggling with my addiction, I wanted to at least have this account setup so that when it does become tough I have more support from those with similar problems like mine. Thanks to all that started this forum, thank you in advance to all those that will aid me on my path to success, and I look forward to helping in any way I can.
Thanks,
-Diablo
I am 25 and was recently pointed in this direction by my caring wife who, despite all the grief, stuck by my side and pushed me to realize my addiction. I will begin by telling my story of approximately when I started watching porn, the effects it has had on my life and what I am doing now to make things better by beginning my reboot.
I remember being exposed to a lot of artificial stimulants as a child but I believe I was around 8 years old when I saw my first nudie magazine. It was one of my recently divorced father's room mate's that was stashed under his mattress. While visiting my father that summer, I was exposed to quite a few porn movies and several magazines. I would hide around the corner while my father and his gf would watch some pretty kinky stuff all while I was supposed to be in bed. Even though this was my first exposure to this type of stimulation it wasn't until much later that I put two and two together and was able to act on my urges. During the years leading up to my discovery of masturbation, I would do just as many other boys did, I would stay up late while mom or dad was asleep so that I could just get a glimpse of anything related to sex but it did not graduate to a full blown addiction until I was about 12 or 13.
Once again while visiting my father over the summer I was left to my own devices and was able to have more "me time." I just remember one night while watching a skinemax show, I was overly aroused and noticed the pre-ejaculate had soaked through my underwear. Now up until this time I had long thought that it wasn?t until much later in life that I would be able to actually ejaculate. So my curious mind pushed me past the breaking point and after that one time of self-gratification I was hooked. It wasn?t until I was 15 that we had high speed internet in our home and even then I was still fairly new to the concept of online porn. I would do a few searches and only able to find images or short clips but this was enough to satisfy the craving that had been built up.
All throughout high school I never had any relationship problems or had any real issues that stemmed from my fascination with porn, other than being scolded occasionally by my mother which thanks to modern day media seemed to be normal. At this time I was still downloading clips from the old school Napster style sources. It wasn?t until I left home and got to see the world more that I was exposed to the world of free streaming pornography and I believe that it was this point in my life that really put things in high gear for me going down a dead end road. I was overseas, and when I wasn?t working or going out to get drunk with my friends, I was surfing the internet and masturbating. I felt like there was nothing else better to do than just sit in front of a screen and pleasure myself. This went on for almost two years before I met my wife.
When my wife and I began dating, she knew I watched porn and much like many of the other women I had dated did not mind because for all she knew it was not a problem. Besides it wasn?t like I was doing it while she was around, I would only do it when I really felt the urge and when I was with her I never even thought about porn. She is the one thing that I felt mattered at that time and for quite some time porn took the back burner since she was there and could satisfy any urge that might arise. It wasn?t until we got married that I soon realized that porn was creeping back into my life and really started suffocating our marriage. We argued but it still didn?t really take root in my head that I may have a problem. A little over 4 years goes by with similar cycles of me trying to stop but over time I would always turn back to porn and it didn?t help that with the invention of smart phones porn became even more easily accessible. She would find it and I would try to find new ways of hiding it but it never took long before she wised up to what was going on. Finally, it got to the point that she could not take any more and she destroyed my smart phone and insisted that I could only have a simple old school flip phone. After seeing the pain in her eyes and witnessing how much I was hurting her I knew that this was not something I should go back to for the sake of our marriage and our little girl.
I decided to call it quits and go cold turkey, no more porn. At least that is what I wanted to happen. I would still masturbate here and there while only thinking of her since I did not want to let that part of mind slip again. I actually did pretty well for quite some time and was darn proud of myself but as many may know it is much easier said than done. I recently deployed and with the separation my urges began to surface again. I held them off for quite some time and she even aided me by sending me pictures of herself to help with my problem. But it wasn?t long before curiosity got the best of me and I fell into an old habit. Thankfully I was not aroused by what I had found because my wife and I had begun to develop a much stronger bond and those things did not excite me as much as she does. I did not want to anger her or bother her with my partial relapse so I played it off as nothing happened. Somehow, someway she knew though, she began asking questions and prying at me to break it out of me. It wasn?t until she directly asked me that I knew I could not lie to her, I told her what I did and explained what had happened. She thanked me for being honest and pointed me in the direction of Yourbrainonporn.com. She suggested that it could be an addiction and that I should take a look at the site.
I began reading and realized that I do have an addiction, it was hard to believe but once I read more I began to understand and thankfully I have begun my new reboot. It took me about two weeks from my initial reboot to find the time and actually sit down and write all of this out. The past two weeks have not been too difficult, I have removed all forms of artificial stimulation from my computer, including the pictures of my wife since I do not want that connection to a computer screen to influence my erection in any way. Even though I am currently not struggling with my addiction, I wanted to at least have this account setup so that when it does become tough I have more support from those with similar problems like mine. Thanks to all that started this forum, thank you in advance to all those that will aid me on my path to success, and I look forward to helping in any way I can.
Thanks,
-Diablo