Rebooter99
Member
Hey Everyone,
I'll keep this brief. I MO'd the other day. I didn't actively think about pornography, I thought of a previous experience. Despite that, thoughts and images from my last relapse briefly/transiently crept in. I didn't engage them and directed my attention elsewhere. Nonetheless, I was trying for a Hard Mode Reboot and this lapse(I hesitate to call it a relapse) compromised it and may have reactivated neural pathways I'm trying to weaken and eliminate. I wasn't craving pornography, I just felt anxious, depressed and backed-up physically. I was also dealing with the after-effects of my last relapse. Thoughts and images were bothering me for about a week and, just as things were getting better, I gave in for other reasons.
A few things occurred to me: 1) I was sleep deprived for a few days and I feel that not being physically sound is a major precondition, especially in the early days of a reboot, because giving in feels like a relief/respite from the anxiety. depression and physical exhaustion(after all, opioids are released). 2) Another precondition is idleness. In the first days at least, try to occupy your time as much as possible. When you're alone and idle, the chances of errant thoughts/thinking are elevated. I assure you I just thought of a past experience and, before I knew it, I had completely given in and literally went on auto-pilot. I went down the funnel, so to speak, and emerge with a clear, lucid mind until after it was over. 3) WATCH THOSE TRIGGERS. I literally just grabbed myself for a moment to scratch and it totally triggered a urge to relapse. So keep your hand off, especially when your alone, in bed, before or after sleep.
Anyway, I'm restarting the counter because, as mentioned I wan't this to be a Hard Reboot. I think the biggest threat to our reboot are in the initial stages, say the first few weeks or month. So, I hope my post helps some of you to get back on the wagon and restart, continue, or ensure the success of your own reboots. Thanks for reading and good luck!
Rebooter99
I'll keep this brief. I MO'd the other day. I didn't actively think about pornography, I thought of a previous experience. Despite that, thoughts and images from my last relapse briefly/transiently crept in. I didn't engage them and directed my attention elsewhere. Nonetheless, I was trying for a Hard Mode Reboot and this lapse(I hesitate to call it a relapse) compromised it and may have reactivated neural pathways I'm trying to weaken and eliminate. I wasn't craving pornography, I just felt anxious, depressed and backed-up physically. I was also dealing with the after-effects of my last relapse. Thoughts and images were bothering me for about a week and, just as things were getting better, I gave in for other reasons.
A few things occurred to me: 1) I was sleep deprived for a few days and I feel that not being physically sound is a major precondition, especially in the early days of a reboot, because giving in feels like a relief/respite from the anxiety. depression and physical exhaustion(after all, opioids are released). 2) Another precondition is idleness. In the first days at least, try to occupy your time as much as possible. When you're alone and idle, the chances of errant thoughts/thinking are elevated. I assure you I just thought of a past experience and, before I knew it, I had completely given in and literally went on auto-pilot. I went down the funnel, so to speak, and emerge with a clear, lucid mind until after it was over. 3) WATCH THOSE TRIGGERS. I literally just grabbed myself for a moment to scratch and it totally triggered a urge to relapse. So keep your hand off, especially when your alone, in bed, before or after sleep.
Anyway, I'm restarting the counter because, as mentioned I wan't this to be a Hard Reboot. I think the biggest threat to our reboot are in the initial stages, say the first few weeks or month. So, I hope my post helps some of you to get back on the wagon and restart, continue, or ensure the success of your own reboots. Thanks for reading and good luck!
Rebooter99