I have a problem and I did not know about it

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DFTS

Member
Hi

I'm 20 and I've just found a girl of my life. My sexual life was non existent until now though, and I thought that everything was fine with me, but guess what... I can't maintain an erection. Not always, but I'll get to it later.

I was watching porn occasionally since I was 12, I've fantasized a lot, nothing over the top, but in the last 2 years (I've started to browse Internet on my smartphone frequently) or so, it has developed into an addiction I am sure. The videos kept getting weirder, and sometimes I was masturbating few times a day.

Here comes the weird part...  I can get an erection even if we only kiss or hug, but when the things are getting more and more exciting then all of a sudden... it goes flaccid. Right before the intercourse, when I put a condom on.
And back to the not always thing... It is fine when she takes it into her mouth, then I can get a full on erection, penetration is a problem.

The thing that concerns me the most... She's beautiful, she's the girl took straight out of my dreams, but she thinks that I do not find her attractive, it worries me, it literally makes me anxious. How can I tell her about that?

I am done with the backstory, time for some questions.
How serious can it be? How long will it take me to get back to normal? I am obviously starting a journal, so how hard is it to stop PMO?

Sorry if my English is not perfect, it is not my native language.
 
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IAddict

Member
Hey man,

Just wanted to let you know that I was once in your same exact shoes. Just letting you know that you have some PIED mixed with performance anxiety. As for your questions, it is different for everyone but since we have literally the same story I figured you can relate to my road of recovery as well. PIED can be pretty serious because that is your brain saying it would rather watch than do. For many people it takes about 2-3 months of no fap to recover and that is if you don't relapse. However, I started no fap in November and I won't lie it takes a couple tries and I thought it was only going to take me 1 try and for some people that is the case. My first streak was the best streak and I hit about 20 days then relapsed because on the road to recovery you will want to watch porn and you will hit some points where you have never been more horny in your life. I am currently on day 20 after having relapses since November but there are differences between my attempts now and from when I first started, as you try and sometimes fail you will learn something new about yourself each time and it will be hard (even if you don't think it will) to accomplish. I am attempting the full 90 days and will reach it this time (I am certain) because I have grown in the past two months. My suggestion is try and make the full 90 on your first try because that will allow you to recover the quickest.

As for the situation with your girl, the best thing to do in my opinion is tell her the truth. There is only 2 ways a girl will react
1) she understands and will appreciate you more for telling the truth (case for most girls who want a relationship with a guy they really like)
2) she wants to have sex more than a relationship and may eventually not want to keep things going.

Now WE have a minor case in PIED since you can atleast get hard from head and sex but maintinaing the erection is hard to do, so to be honest I don't think it will take the full 90 days but I am doing it just to be safe. I had the same situations with a 2 girls since November so it's up to you what to do.

If you want more advice/knowledge of what will come your way, don't be afraid to ask.

Best of luck buddy, you can do it
 
D

DFTS

Member
Thanks for your kind words man, I bet that you will be able to finish your 90 days goal!

I've told my girlfriend that I probably have PIED, she took it well and told me that everything will be fine. She also insisted on a MD visit, which I will surely do.

I am on the day 5 and I have absolutely no desire to watch porn, exactly none, it actually repulses me at the moment and I think that I may be having a slight flatline. No desire to P or M, and when I am with my gf it varies from almost no libido, through little libido, upto huge desire to have sex...

When I wake up at the morning next to her, we lay for few minutes, and then I get crazy erections just by grabbing her breasts, or touching her butt, they last pretty long even not stimulated. But during the day it becomes less and less present.

I do not M and O obviously too, but I have a question...
Is getting head okay? I mean, she uses her mouth and hand (not the deathgrip of course) and I am able to O in an okay time: 5-10minutes. Is this fine for my reboot?
 
I

IAddict

Member
Well DFTS,

The fact that you can O from head is good for you and will probably make your recovery time less than 90 days. But honestly, it's up to you whether or not head is okay. For me, I say anything with a girl is okay because it is training your mind to like the stimulation with a girl more than with your hand. But death grip isn't the grip itself it's the decrease in nerves in your erections caused by death grip. Death grip syndrome is supposed to go away by not using hands at all and people report noticing changes in the feeling down there around day 40. I believe you'll be fine with whatever choice you make but if it were me, I would make sure head is more mouth and less hand from a gf.

Some people decided to go the full 90 without any sexual stimulation and some say it's okay to do anything with your gf, totally up to you. I am doing the full 90 right now since I don't have a gf but if I had one in the picture I'd put my sexual intentions towards her than with PMO.

Good luck!
 
D

DFTS

Member
It's day 6 and I got my first urge to PMO. Nothing too strong, but it's the first time that happened.

Possible cause: I came home (the one I was raised in) from the city I work at and sat in front of the computer that I usually PMO'd with.
I thought that it won't be that hard after all, that I will be able to do it without relapsing, but I am not sure now.

Thinking about getting back to being healthy and about being able to have sex with my girlfriend helps.
 
D

DFTS

Member
It's day 7. I had a morning wood, pretty strong I would say.

Last night when I was talking with my girlfriend on the phone I got an random erection, really strong one, it probably was close to 100% if not 100% and it was holding up for few minutes.

The urges start to kick in, but I am able to fight them, at least for now.
 
D

DFTS

Member
It's day 8. My erections when I'm with my gf are getting less and less frequent + they are not as strong. Is it normal? Am I flatlining? I still find her extremaly attractive, but my penis does not respond...

I feel disgusted by myself, but I am sticking to no PMO. I'm getting a little overwhelmed by all of this.
 
D

DFTS

Member
It's day 9.

I had a morning wood. Some sexual dreams, not much has changed, last night I had an extreme urge, but fought it.
 
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DFTS

Member
It's day 11.

I am having more and more trouble getting an erection. Is this normal? My libido is really low, almost non existent, but from time to time it kicks in for a brief moment. I am getting worried.

Yesterday it was valentine's day. Spent a lovely evening with my girlfriend. Pizza, Netflix, then I focused on her, ate her out, as I had almost no interest in getting a head. Yeah, that got me down. I am starting to feel asexual.

Still no PMO though, which is nice. It all seems like a bad dream.
 
D

DFTS

Member
It's day 12 and I am pretty sure I am flatlining, I can kind of  get it up when I try by myself, it gets to around 60%, but with my girlfriends touch... Nothing.  Only direct stimulation does something.

Before cutting out porn it was not this way. It all makes me hopeless.

Is this even a flatline? How long will it take me to be normal and healthy again?


 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
DFTS: I can relate to you on all levels. I myself have a GF and feel the same way. In my mind I want her, but in my pants there's nothing. I am on my 20th day. The fact your GF is there and helping you through it is awesome. Don't give up and keep going. We are in this together. I recommend working out, meditating, reading, guitar, a hobby and eating better while in this reboot. It helps focus you on bettering yourself. In the end you can look in the mirror and say you look good and now F good. HAHA. Good things to come. Stay optimistic.

Good luck brotha.
 
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DFTS

Member
Thank you, I am fighting, but it's really hard. Good luck to you too, it's easier when you have a girl that you can fight for.

It's day 13. I had my first sexual dream that involved intercourse. Yes, in my life. Had MW, but penis turned dead right after it. Besides that, nothing new.
 
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DFTS

Member
It's day 14! I made it to 2 weeks. I am pretty proud of myself, but I know that I have a long road ahead of me.

Last night I had a sexual dream, no intercourse this time though. I forgot to mention, both of those dreams involved my girlfriend, not some random girl.
 
F

Floink

Active Member
Hi DFTS!

Thanks for your kind comment!

Congratulations on your progress and especially on your dreams about your girlfriend :) Isn't this a beautiful sign that your brain is longing for her? So many guys (including myself, before and when i started) report on dreams about watching porn, because that is the only sexual stimulation their brains long for. You have that over us :D You really are doing well. Fron all the ups and downs a reboot brings, this definitively can be considered an UP!

Did you tell her about this? It might mean a lot to her :)

Floink
 
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DFTS

Member
Thank you Floink for your kind words, it means a lot to me.  :D

I have told her that, and that she's beautiful, and I really want only her. Short after that she called me just to tell me that she loves me. That helps, it makes it easier.
 
D

DFTS

Member
I am sure that if you'll keep being such a nice guy you'll find someone loving and great ^^

It's day 15. Penis does not respond to thoughts at all, and barely responds to touch. Did not have sexual dream this night. I am wondering how long will it take to get out of this flatline.
 
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Floink

Active Member
Chill out, flatlines are not as horrible as they are described, if you see them as something normal that comes by itself and will leave by itself. Remember, you are not trying to repair your pens, but your brain!

Just imagine the part of your brain that is responsible for your arousal as covered in barrier tape and adorned with a big sign that says "under construction - no access" :)

Just leave it at that and try not to disturb the builders that are tearing out the cables leading to the porn stash of the brain. It takes some time for them to reinstall them the right way and they are a little shy ;)
 
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DFTS

Member
I just can't describe how uplifting you are :D

Today I met with my girlfriend.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

When I was fingering her, I thought about how great would it be to dip my stick there. There was a point where I did not found that arousing, that's some progress I think ^^
 
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