I think about that all of the time. I very much want to visit and check everything out. Honestly. Where in EU are you?You are anything but weak. I also sometimes have / have had this thought, that others would think about me like that, but in the end i always know, that so many others would have already fucked up so badly in my position. And i know when we are out of this we will be extraordinary people, because we managed to get out of this.
Sounds to me like you would enjoy Europe Maybe its not even better here, but i think there are more like-minded people.
Had yesterday a similar experience in one of my seminars. Felt super unhappy with myself after that and it bugged me the whole day. Even if it did not help me yesterday, in such situations i have to always think about my elderly neighbour, who is also a big friend of mine and i talk to him about anything. He had liver cancer and had liver transplantation, but is all around such a happy dude and had and has a great life. And he always says to me, when i am in a bad place and something in my life is not as i would wish or its really fucked: Dont give it too much energy and dont be to upset about yourself and about the situation. You can bve mad, but also try putting things into perspective. In the grand scheme of life this one day i had yesterday doesnt mean anything. I will probably not even remember it in about a week or so, so its not worth it, to get overly upset by it. It did not really help me yesterday, but with a bit distance to it i feel a lot calmer about it today.