zander13
Respected Member
When I experience urges they are just naturally occurring phenomena. I am very, very good at avoiding triggering material. If I ever begin to think that I'm doing something with any sort of naughty intention I immediately stop (though I'm sure I can always be a little bit better [gotta be humble when it comes to this addiction]).
Urges are going to hit you as you abstain for longer periods of time, regardless of your actions. For me, they occur at the same times of the day, because those were the times that I relapsed in the past. Deep awareness is key in this area--meditation and Buddhism allowed me to be very much in tune with what's going on within both my body and my mind. I believe that many a folk relapse because they succumb to urges they didn't even know they were having. Sometimes they (urges) like to hijack your mind and steer you towards porn, like those cartoons where someone sticks levers into a pink brain and directs the body as if it were a automaton.
Only reason I can have the balls to make statements like these is because I've been the victim of such urges dozens and dozens and dozens of times. I'm no guru or expert, but I have experienced every flavor of failure I can think of.
When it came to quitting smoking, Colin Quinn, a great comedian, told his buddy Jim Norton this: the urge to smoke will pass whether or not you actually smoke. Good advice from a good man. Helps me out a lot.
5 days away from 21 months. Inching along. Time will take care of everything.
And, to be honest, I've noticed more improvements this past month than any other I can remember.
I believe that the way the rest of this journey will play out like this: I will still have very difficult times, but they will be times of significant healing, and after each rough patch I'll actually be able to discern what has improved. In fact, I would say that is the biggest change that I've noticed over the past month: I can now observe and feel changes. Things are actually MOVING. My activity levels have increased 100-150%. I'm working out, starting to meditate, eating healthy, fasting, socializing (still not that often, but much more than before), thinking about the future, reaching out to old friends, etc. We'll see how I feel in a week (I could very well enter a valley and find all of these activities much more difficult).
Really happy about all of these changes because they are proving me right: as my brain heals, I'm naturally inclined to do these things.
Regardless of all the good, a relapse is a fingertip away. The most important thing I can do is to remain HUMBLE. Since my libido is starting to spark a tad (having more dreams involving real women), urges seem to be extra potent. Meditation will be key when it comes to beating the fuck out of those sneaky shits.
Part of me wants to take a break from this website because I feel as if I've overshared. At the end of the day, I'm writing these posts and having a bunch of strangers read them. I feel quite vulnerable right now, and part of me doesn't like it. But I have nowhere else to turn. I don't know. We'll see. Might only use it to bitch about pain and urges, though I don't want to promise that to myself because I don't want to break any promises and lose self trust.
Urges are going to hit you as you abstain for longer periods of time, regardless of your actions. For me, they occur at the same times of the day, because those were the times that I relapsed in the past. Deep awareness is key in this area--meditation and Buddhism allowed me to be very much in tune with what's going on within both my body and my mind. I believe that many a folk relapse because they succumb to urges they didn't even know they were having. Sometimes they (urges) like to hijack your mind and steer you towards porn, like those cartoons where someone sticks levers into a pink brain and directs the body as if it were a automaton.
Only reason I can have the balls to make statements like these is because I've been the victim of such urges dozens and dozens and dozens of times. I'm no guru or expert, but I have experienced every flavor of failure I can think of.
When it came to quitting smoking, Colin Quinn, a great comedian, told his buddy Jim Norton this: the urge to smoke will pass whether or not you actually smoke. Good advice from a good man. Helps me out a lot.
5 days away from 21 months. Inching along. Time will take care of everything.
And, to be honest, I've noticed more improvements this past month than any other I can remember.
I believe that the way the rest of this journey will play out like this: I will still have very difficult times, but they will be times of significant healing, and after each rough patch I'll actually be able to discern what has improved. In fact, I would say that is the biggest change that I've noticed over the past month: I can now observe and feel changes. Things are actually MOVING. My activity levels have increased 100-150%. I'm working out, starting to meditate, eating healthy, fasting, socializing (still not that often, but much more than before), thinking about the future, reaching out to old friends, etc. We'll see how I feel in a week (I could very well enter a valley and find all of these activities much more difficult).
Really happy about all of these changes because they are proving me right: as my brain heals, I'm naturally inclined to do these things.
Regardless of all the good, a relapse is a fingertip away. The most important thing I can do is to remain HUMBLE. Since my libido is starting to spark a tad (having more dreams involving real women), urges seem to be extra potent. Meditation will be key when it comes to beating the fuck out of those sneaky shits.
Part of me wants to take a break from this website because I feel as if I've overshared. At the end of the day, I'm writing these posts and having a bunch of strangers read them. I feel quite vulnerable right now, and part of me doesn't like it. But I have nowhere else to turn. I don't know. We'll see. Might only use it to bitch about pain and urges, though I don't want to promise that to myself because I don't want to break any promises and lose self trust.
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