zander13
Respected Member
So here is a quick summation of where things are at.
Things, overall, have been simpler. I spend nowhere near as much time obsessing over the symptoms. I only write/comment to myself and others when things are fairly awful, and I'd say that over the past 2 months the awful stuff has only taken up ~40-50% of my time. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.
It used to be 95%. So yeah, good stuff.
Sad thing is, my ceiling is still rather low. I still don't get to be a true person yet. Just because things aren't awful doesn't mean they are stellar.
Everything is a slow grind. And it's nowhere near a linear process. I may get MW 6 nights in a row, then have 8 days where I never see an erection. Same thing goes with every symptom to varying degrees. Sleep has been perpetually fucked, and this is the symptom that I desire most to be alleviated. Once my sleep get's normal I'll be one happy camper.
Sense of smell is the thing that I seem to be noticing most lately. I never realized it, but these withdrawals, believe it or not, eradicated my sense of smell. Only recently have I been observing that the world is full of various odors. It's like I completely forgot that it was a thing to be experienced.
To me, it's all tied together. It's all reward system related, and it all involves more than just the brain. My digestion has been piss poor (still is), and I know for sure that it is tied to these withdrawals. It's a full body issue. At least when it has gotten as bad as mine has (the addiction, that is).
As far as timelines are concerned, I no longer think in terms of "I should be better by 'X' date". I've surpassed most of the long term success stories. I no longer have a barometer. I guess, if I'm being honest, I hope that things will be much better by month 30, but I'm also not married to the idea. the number of months, at this point, are for me to measure my success, and to feel pride.
I still don't have much perspective on the experience so it's hard to form conclusions about it. PAWs are hell. I think they teach you stuff, but I also think they are plenty of easier ways to learn. Maybe I'm wrong though. I dono. What I do know is that, in my experience, the only way to beat this thing is for a lot of little things to line up. I'm not going to list what those things were for me because my experience is my experience. And I'm not even finished yet. I could still fuck up at any moment. I still get urges. My brain still craves porn.
Bottom line is that I'm not all the way there yet, and I'm not going to spout my success to anyone until I've actually gotten to the finish line. But things do seem to be easier these days. Healing is still taking place. It's just taking a long, long fucking time.
Oh, and I'm exactly a week short of 29 months.
Things, overall, have been simpler. I spend nowhere near as much time obsessing over the symptoms. I only write/comment to myself and others when things are fairly awful, and I'd say that over the past 2 months the awful stuff has only taken up ~40-50% of my time. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.
It used to be 95%. So yeah, good stuff.
Sad thing is, my ceiling is still rather low. I still don't get to be a true person yet. Just because things aren't awful doesn't mean they are stellar.
Everything is a slow grind. And it's nowhere near a linear process. I may get MW 6 nights in a row, then have 8 days where I never see an erection. Same thing goes with every symptom to varying degrees. Sleep has been perpetually fucked, and this is the symptom that I desire most to be alleviated. Once my sleep get's normal I'll be one happy camper.
Sense of smell is the thing that I seem to be noticing most lately. I never realized it, but these withdrawals, believe it or not, eradicated my sense of smell. Only recently have I been observing that the world is full of various odors. It's like I completely forgot that it was a thing to be experienced.
To me, it's all tied together. It's all reward system related, and it all involves more than just the brain. My digestion has been piss poor (still is), and I know for sure that it is tied to these withdrawals. It's a full body issue. At least when it has gotten as bad as mine has (the addiction, that is).
As far as timelines are concerned, I no longer think in terms of "I should be better by 'X' date". I've surpassed most of the long term success stories. I no longer have a barometer. I guess, if I'm being honest, I hope that things will be much better by month 30, but I'm also not married to the idea. the number of months, at this point, are for me to measure my success, and to feel pride.
I still don't have much perspective on the experience so it's hard to form conclusions about it. PAWs are hell. I think they teach you stuff, but I also think they are plenty of easier ways to learn. Maybe I'm wrong though. I dono. What I do know is that, in my experience, the only way to beat this thing is for a lot of little things to line up. I'm not going to list what those things were for me because my experience is my experience. And I'm not even finished yet. I could still fuck up at any moment. I still get urges. My brain still craves porn.
Bottom line is that I'm not all the way there yet, and I'm not going to spout my success to anyone until I've actually gotten to the finish line. But things do seem to be easier these days. Healing is still taking place. It's just taking a long, long fucking time.
Oh, and I'm exactly a week short of 29 months.
I've never gotten to that part yet, but agree - complacency is a b...
