It's all of those things. Still hard to concentrate, still hard to process large amounts of words at once, and still hard to feel the required emotions. My imagination is still stunted as well. I already lost my ability to enjoy reading: it went just as fast as it arrived.Good progress! I can definitely feel years of this addiction have crippled my focus and I struggle to read like I did before too
Just curious, when do you think you'll be able to read fiction again - is it a concentration thing or more emotional, like being able to connect with the characters, etc.? Or something else?
Thanks again for your honest posts - always a great insight to read from someone with serious time under their belt
Thanks man. Hope all is well with you.
So, that depression led to a very, very difficult day today. My brain is bouncing all over the place. Shit got real dark, real fast today. I was reminded that this addiction is very, very, very serious, and that it's a battle for my life. It's fuckin nuts man.
This battle is still one for the ages. I'm still super fucked up. I still have a ways to go.
What else can I do but keep battling? There's nothing else.
One thing I need to remind myself is that it's not time to make longterm plans. I'm still too mercurial and not in touch with my true self.
One day at a time. That's still all I can do.
Also, it's not time to date. Or even think about it. That shit will come as my spirit slowly returns to me. Forcing things is just a recipe for a letdown in many different departments. Some folks will disagree: but I know myself and what I'm going through on a daily basis. I need to do my time still. Parole hasn't arrived just yet. I want my best self to shine through, and after tonight I now know that I'm still not there yet.
Fuck man I know I just said it but tonight was such a brutal reminder of what kind of stakes I'm dealing with. God damn is this stuff serious. And brutal.