The most important part of the method, the method of quitting porn, is becoming self aware. Becoming self aware is challenging, and, often, painful. Most who have become addicted did not know, or accept, that this addiction was possible. Knowing the addiction is possible is something that, within our lives, will be taught to children, in school, just like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc., and that knowledge will prevent many from becoming addicted because, people who are afraid of addiction usually avoid experimenting with it. One of the first things you must embrace, in becoming self aware, is that no one has ever been addicted to porn. It looks like it, it feels like it, but, in reality, we just use porn to created hypersexual thoughts, and those, in turn, lead to a dopamine rush. A member recently asked me about relapse and withdrawals. I thought I might share my thoughts on that.
Hi. I actually wrote, and erased, about four responses to this question. The question is complicated, at least for me, because it is loaded, and uses words and phrases that might mean something to me, yet might mean something to others. When we use the word "symptoms", it, often, implies symptoms of a disease. Diseases have symptoms, right? So, is porn addiction a disease? I think not. Why not? Let's take the flu, influenza. How do we "get" it, how do we "catch" it? We get it when we shake someone's hand, or when we breath it in after someone has coughed it out. It is different than porn addiction. Porn addiction is something we choose to do, even when we do not know we are choosing to do it. It is a voluntary act, even when we do not understand the brain mechanics of what we are doing. It is not something that just happens to us, rather, it is a thing we do to ourselves. We get it because we give it to ourselves. Also, unlike other "diseases", the cure is, also, 100% internal. Becoming cured of porn addiction is not something that happens with outside stimulation. Some diseases are cured by medicine. There is no medicine to cure porn addiction. The cure, like the condition, is about an internal choice. We choose to use, we choose not to use. It is important, and perhaps required, in quitting porn addiction, to understand that porn addiction is not something that just happens to us, passively, it is the result of a conscious choice we make to engage in activity that results in a dopamine rush. Quitting, likewise, is, something that does not just happen; quitting porn is a choice to not use porn to obtain a dopamine high. Same with the concept of relapse. Many, here, throw the term around like it was being struck by lightening, like it was outside their control, like, shucks, this bad thing happened to me, but I could not help it. NO! Anytime a porn addict relapses, it is because that individual made a choice to use porn to reach their high. One of the biggest parts of becoming porn addicted, and recovering from it, is becoming ultra self aware that everything we do, is because we choose to do it. Both porn addiction, and recovery from porn addiction, are choices we make. We just have to become conscious we are making them. Time to become self aware. This will be painful, but it will not kill you; though it will feel like it will.
Your question is very specific. You ask about symptoms AFTER a relapse, which implies the symptoms of the disease, if the disease is porn addiction, are other or different from the symptoms of the disease before a relapse. I am not clear that the symptoms of porn induced dopamine addiction are different before and after a relapse. I am clear, though, that a relapse is not just something that happens to us; if we relapse, we are choosing to use porn to get a dopamine high. So, let's understand that.
This is why I have written this, and erased it, four times. Words stand for concepts, and I am not certain the words you have used stand for the same concepts, for you and me. This takes me to the concept of relapse, which I find unhelpful in dealing with porn addiction, recovery, and cure.
What is relapse? What happens when we relapse? For a porn addict, actually, a porn induced dopamine addict, we relapse when we choose to use again. The problem with the concept of relapse is that it implies the porn addict was in the state of being unaddicted, but, not really. Once one becomes unaddicted, one is not returning to the addiction. I, personally, know of no porn addicts who got clean, got free, quit using, got in control, and, then, made the conscious decision to become addicted, again. You did not relapse, you just continued to use, after a few days not using, but you never got clean, so, when you use the word relapse, it is an inexact word. This is not me judging, by the way, because I have been exactly where you are now.
So, what I want you to do is step back and understand that porn addiction never existed. We are addicted to the high that porn allows us to experience, and that high is a very specific thing: a dopamine rush. Here is how it works. Porn=prolonged, extended, hypersexual thoughts. Sexual thoughts, just plain old non porn sexual thoughts=a dopamine high. That high is normal, and healthy, and nature's way of encouraging us to make babies, so, don't be afraid of it, just understand it. Porn induced sexual thoughts, that is the ability to use porn for hours, daily, for years, to find the never before seen image, and experience the never before experienced sexual thought=porn induced dopamine addiction. You have to understand, and accept, that porn addiction is 100% a brain issue, completely above the belt. Once you understand you use porn, use it, to achieve a dopamine high, then you will understand that choosing not to use it, is the cure.
Easily said, hellishly difficult to do. Quitting that is. Once you have become addicted, once you have trained your brain to expect, want, desire, and need, a dopamine high every-single-day, when you get to the point where you say "no", your brain suddenly is the opposite of Mr. Nice Guy. It turns out that there is a disconnect between our conscious brain--the one reading this--and our primitive sexual reward brain--the one that wants to watch porn, right now, to achieve a dopamine high. It turns out we are more complicated than we knew. If using porn to achieve a dopamine high feels like a 10, then quitting does not just take us down to 0. It take us to negative 10. This is where the symptoms, as you call it, come in. I have a different word for them: withdrawals. Withdrawals are your brain punishing you for taking the candy away. It is not happy about that. Withdrawals are your brain's way of punishing you for quitting, and encouraging you to stay addicted. You see, the problem with the primitive sexual reward part of the brain, unlike that part reading this, now, is that it is literally incapable of distinguishing artificial sexual stimulation from natural, real, sexual stimulation. It rewards both, but not both equally. We only discovered, in the last 15 years, that porn addiction was possible, due to High Speed Internet Porn. And now, to be Mr. Obvious, HSIP only came into widespread existence about 15 years ago. HSIP allows for something that did not exist before it existed, and that is the eternal search for the never before experienced sexual thought. Turns out, that is addictive. Who knew? When quitting the addiction, you are going to feel like you are dying. To borrow a phase from the sci fi movie Arrival, you will feel "death process." Super high anxiety, ghost pains, brain fog, confusion, lack of focus, and you are going to feel that, off and on, for months. Everyone is different, but a good starting point is the hard 90. When you quit, when you really quit, it has to be for life, so, think of the hard 90 as training wheels. It is a relatively short time of your life to convince yourself that the impossible thought is true. What, for a porn addict, is the impossible thought: I can, and will, quit, forever
