Hi Prom, thanks for writing. As you know, reading and replying are part of my recovery, so thanks.
I am going to say something to you that comes from my heart and is said with respect and affection, and I sincerely hope you take it that way. I say it because I wish, when I were where you are, someone would have said it to me. I wasted years as a PMO addict. If I could do one thing for one guy with the years I have left, it would be to help them get and stay totally clean. That is the only reason I write here.
Here is what I know about you and why I want you to succeed. You are highly intelligent. You are an overwhelmingly positive person who both here, anonymously, and out in the real world, are very supportive of others. In this forum you have a great sense of humor and are one of the most supportive members here. You are well educated and well read. You do not merely write here, you write here a lot and you like it, writing that is, and that says you enjoy reading a good book. You are slightly socially awkward, like many of us, but not terribly bad, and you enjoy new endeavors, such as your new job, which presents a challenge to you--and you are the kind of guy that likes challenges. And about that new job, it is about helping people, so you are a guy who likes to help people, to the point where you are probably willing to save them if it called for you to sacrifice yourself.
You are also thoroughly versed in porn addiction recovery, in the knowledge and science of that, as much as a non scientist can be. You last O'ed in the shower, on the 18th, only four days ago, which I think you would consider a relapse, and in fact on that date you report relapsing every week or so. Your family is great, and you love them. On the 16th you reported a relapse. You have and perhaps continue to struggle with gaming addiction. You understand about withdrawals, and have endured some. You understand the dopamine reward system as well as anyone on this forum, and how it can be, and for porn addicts definitely is, hijacked by porn, aka hypersexualized thoughts. You know about K9 and use it. You understand porn is not just porn but is any intellectual trick we play on ourselves to turn a hypersexualized thought into a dopamine release. You are somewhat worried about how this addiction, if you keep it alive, might effect your future life. Looks like you relapses on the 11th, and you know the reason you did that was by playing with your triggers, giving yourself just a taste of dopamine and wanting more. On the 10th you reported a "proper binge" as in chaser/binge effect, relapse. You reported MOing on the 9th.
I will quote you from the 10th: "I had a thought on the way home, regarding the question of "should I watch porn now?" the answer is always no. It's always such an obvious and easy answer."
You are aware it takes about 90 days on average to reboot, but as you have relapsed consistently during the reboot you have begun to de-emphasize the importance of the 90 day total abstinence period in overcoming porn addiction. You are aware of YBOP and often refers newbies to it. You are or have been using OKCupid, but though you are aware of the concept of porn substitutes, you do not seem to place that site in that category. You struggle with whether you need to give up MO to overcome porn addiction, it is a question for you. You don't like Staropreman lager. You are correct, it sucks, stick with the Belgian Ales; if you are going to drink a Czech beer, always go with a pilsner. You report an MO on the 5th. On the same day you also reported a PMO. You understand how the addiction can escalate from vanilla to hardcore, as can the relapse. You know you must stop fantasies quickly, not let them evolve into a movie running in your head. On July 27 you PMOed twice. On July 24, you reported making it one week PMO free. You entered this forum on June 7, 2014, and have posted 181 times. How do I know all this? I just read your thread.
You are undoubtedly one of the nicest most decent people on this forum. I, on the other hand, have been called conceited, condescending, arrogant, relentless, unbearable, and a liar, and have been accused of asking the impossible. I don't really think I am any of those adjectives or that I have asked the impossible, but guys giving up porn, wanting to give up porn, asking how to give up porn are still, emotionally, just addicts giving up a crutch. They are emotionally raw, often withdrawing, and they are giving up the one thing that has effortlessly and endlessly brought them free relief to the hardness than can be life. They do not need that crutch. The addiction is what makes them limp, makes them lame, but it often is hard for us to acknowledge the only reason we are lame is the crutch itself. My purpose in writing here is very narrow. Regardless of other problems in a guy's life, I want any one reading this to know 1) they can quit, it is possible (and some guys do not admit the possibility of quitting), and 2) how to quit.
Promise, the point of a reboot is to never use again, but more to the point, to never WANT to use again, to put the withdrawals completely behind. To put the withdrawals completely behind, we have to suffer the withdrawals. There is no easy out, thus the phrase, "learn to love withdrawals." If w have to suffer them anyway, embrace the pain. We can lessen the withdrawals by continuing to feed the addiction, say a couple times a week, but as long as we feed the addiction, it is alive, and as long as it is alive, it can come back to full strength. There is really only one way to kill porn addiction, and that is to starve it to death. That takes about 90 days, no porn, no MO, and unless you are doing it with a partner, no O.
I do not struggle with the addiction now. I do not relapse, I will not relapse, but most importantly, because of the reboot, I do not WANT to relapse. That desire is simply non existent in my life any more. The struggles you have, I had them but I don't have them any more. When it comes to beating porn addiction, like any other addiction, there really are no small victories, just victory or defeat. We are either clean or we are still using.
These are my thoughts. I could be wrong, but if I am right I advise you to take the medicine now, before you wake up five years from now, 5,000 posts, full on PIED, maybe a woman you love who does not trust you or respect you, still consistently making good 7 day runs. Back before I got educated I used to pat myself on the back for slowing down, for those small victories. I used to think I was making progress. I was not, I was just feeding my addiction enough to not let it die. I say this to you with respect and affection, as odd as that may sound in an anonymous forum. I don't want to see you limping through life with this addiction just lingering. I advise you to do what you have to do to kill it now. As a man, don't be just "good enough," be great. I already think you are and beating this addiction will make you that much more. Truth is, quitting porn addiction is not really a victory, it just makes having victories in other aspects of your life more possible and much more delicious.
I hope you accept this advice in the spirit it is offered.
Much love.