Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.

Promise

Well-Known Member
Cheers, William!
Don't get me wrong, it's not my goal to 'cut down', my goal is to get rid of PMO from my life, however, I think the little victories are worth celebrating too.  The 'day counter' mentality can be quite poisonous.  Some people think that if you're back at day 0 then you've made no progress.  You could have just done a month stretch, but if that day counter says 0 you have nothing to show for it, and it's a real morale killer.

The best way to quit is to go cold turkey, gradually cutting back doesn't really work, BUT, if you've successfully cut down, it's good for your mentality and good for morale.  The day counter mentality used to cause me to go into week long binges.  "Oh, I'll quit on Monday, my longest streaks have always started on a Monday.  What does it matter, I'm only on day 1." Now I've thrown off that mentality, and if I have a slip, I'll just brush myself off and try again.
 
W

William

Guest
Hi Prom, thanks for writing.  As you know, reading and replying are part of my recovery, so thanks.

I am going to say something to you that comes from my heart and is said with respect and affection, and I sincerely hope you take it that way.  I say it because I wish, when I were where you are, someone would have said it to me.  I wasted years as a PMO addict.  If I could do one thing for one guy with the years I have left, it would be to help them get and stay totally clean.  That is the only reason I write here. 

Here is what I know about you and why I want you to succeed.  You are highly intelligent.  You are an overwhelmingly positive person who both here, anonymously, and out in the real world, are very supportive of others.  In this forum you have a great sense of humor and are one of the most supportive members here.  You are well educated and well read.  You do not merely write here, you write here a lot and you like it, writing that is, and that says you enjoy reading a good book.  You are slightly socially awkward, like many of us, but not terribly bad, and you enjoy new endeavors, such as your new job, which presents a challenge to you--and you are the kind of guy that likes challenges.  And about that new job, it is about helping people, so you are a guy who likes to help people, to the point where you are probably willing to save them if it called for you to sacrifice yourself. 

You are also thoroughly versed in porn addiction recovery, in the knowledge and science of that, as much as a non scientist can be.  You last O'ed in the shower, on the 18th, only four days ago, which I think you would consider a relapse, and in fact on that date you report relapsing every week or so.  Your family is great, and you love them.  On the 16th you reported a relapse.  You have and perhaps continue to struggle with gaming addiction.  You understand about withdrawals, and have endured some.  You understand the dopamine reward system as well as anyone on this forum, and how it can be, and for porn addicts definitely is, hijacked by porn, aka hypersexualized thoughts.  You know about K9 and use it.  You understand porn is not just porn but is any intellectual trick we play on ourselves to turn a hypersexualized thought into a dopamine release.  You are somewhat worried about how this addiction, if you keep it alive, might effect your future life.  Looks like you relapses on the 11th, and you know the reason you did that was by playing with your triggers, giving yourself just a taste of dopamine and wanting more.  On the 10th you reported a "proper binge" as in chaser/binge effect, relapse.  You reported MOing on the 9th. 

I will quote you from the 10th:  "I had a thought on the way home, regarding the question of "should I watch porn now?" the answer is always no.  It's always such an obvious and easy answer."   

You are aware it takes about 90 days on average to reboot, but as you have relapsed consistently during the reboot you have begun to de-emphasize the importance of the 90 day total abstinence period in overcoming porn addiction.    You are aware of YBOP and often refers newbies to it.  You are or have been using OKCupid, but though you are aware of the concept of porn substitutes, you do not seem to place that site in that category.  You struggle with whether you need to give up MO to overcome porn addiction, it is a question for you.  You don't like Staropreman lager.  You are correct, it sucks, stick with the Belgian Ales; if you are going to drink a Czech beer, always go with a pilsner.  You report an MO on the 5th.  On the same day you also reported a PMO.  You understand how the addiction can escalate from vanilla to hardcore, as can the relapse.  You know you must stop fantasies quickly, not let them evolve into a movie running in your head.  On July 27 you PMOed twice.  On July 24, you reported making it one week PMO free. You entered this forum on June 7, 2014, and have posted 181 times.  How do I know all this?  I just read your thread. 

You are undoubtedly one of the nicest most decent people on this forum.  I, on the other hand, have been called conceited, condescending, arrogant, relentless, unbearable, and a liar, and have been accused of asking the impossible.  I don't really think I am any of those adjectives or that I have asked the impossible, but guys giving up porn, wanting to give up porn, asking how to give up porn are still, emotionally, just addicts giving up a crutch.  They are emotionally raw, often withdrawing, and they are giving up the one thing that has effortlessly and endlessly brought them free relief to the hardness than can be life.  They do not need that crutch.  The addiction is what makes them limp, makes them lame, but it often is hard for us to acknowledge the only reason we are lame is the crutch itself.  My purpose in writing here is very narrow.  Regardless of other problems in a guy's life, I want any one reading this to know 1) they can quit, it is possible (and some guys do not admit the possibility of quitting), and 2) how to quit. 

Promise, the point of a reboot is to never use again, but more to the point, to never WANT to use again, to put the withdrawals completely behind.  To put the withdrawals completely behind, we have to suffer the withdrawals.  There is no easy out, thus the phrase, "learn to love withdrawals."  If w have to suffer them anyway, embrace the pain.  We can lessen the withdrawals by continuing to feed the addiction, say a couple times a week, but as long as we feed the addiction, it is alive, and as long as it is alive, it can come back to full strength.  There is really only one way to kill porn addiction, and that is to starve it to death.  That takes about 90 days, no porn, no MO, and unless you are doing it with a partner, no O. 

I do not struggle with the addiction now.  I do not relapse, I will not relapse, but most importantly, because of the reboot, I do not WANT to relapse.  That desire is simply non existent in my life any more.  The struggles you have, I had them but I don't have them any more.  When it comes to beating porn addiction, like any other addiction, there really are no small victories, just victory or defeat.  We are either clean or we are still using. 

These are my thoughts.  I could be wrong, but if I am right I advise you to take the medicine now, before you wake up five years from now, 5,000 posts, full on PIED, maybe a woman you love who does not trust you or respect you, still consistently making good 7 day runs.  Back before I got educated I used to pat myself on the back for slowing down, for those small victories.  I used to think I was making progress.  I was not, I was just feeding my addiction enough to not let it die.  I say this to you with respect and affection, as odd as that may sound in an anonymous forum.  I don't want to see you limping through life with this addiction just lingering.  I advise you to do what you have to do to kill it now.  As a man, don't be just "good enough," be great.  I already think you are and beating this addiction will make you that much more.  Truth is, quitting porn addiction is not really a victory, it just makes having victories in other aspects of your life more possible and much more delicious. 

I hope you accept this advice in the spirit it is offered.

Much love.
 

Promise

Well-Known Member
Thank you for the post William, it was touching.  The narcissist in me absolutely loved that post :p

You're wrong about one thing though, I havn't de-emphasized the 90 days.  I want to be free of PMO.  I'm guessing you havn't read innergothkid's journal?  He's my accountability partner, and I post in his journal quite often.  He's just gone over a month and remarked "I'm on one hell of a streak" to which I said: "you're not on a streak, you've made a lifestyle change."

That's the way I see it now.  No more streaks, this is life.  This is life, and although it's tough, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Also I wouldn't agree with any of those adjective descriptions of you.  The things you say are helpful, thought-provoking and compassionate.  You don't pull your punches, which I think is a good thing, but when dealing with an issue as intimate and sensitive as pornography addiction, people can easily be put on the back foot, which makes them defensive.  Very few people like having their most private habits exposed, but it's pretty much a necessity in this process.


Thanks again for the post, it was a cathartic read.
 
W

William

Guest
You are welcome Promise.  And thank you.

I would like to share a post by another person who did the 90 day reboot.

Hi everybody. I'll try to make my post as short and informative as possible, so here it goes the list of things that I want to share with you after the 90 days of the NoFap challange:

    The first thing that I want to say: if I did it everyone can do it. I had a really big addiction problem, exposed to porn first time maybe when I was 6 or 7, after that I discovered masturbation and long story short my porn went from pictures of naked girls to transexual porn (I am 23 now). I always thought that it was normal to watch porn and masturbate and I refused to believe it was a problem, I only realised that something was wrong when I had my first sexual encounters with girls: I would feel only fear and shame because of my limp penis no sexual excitment at all and I had fears that I was gay even though I always liked girls. That's when I started looking for answers on the internet and eventually I found this place and others like yourbrainonporn.com. But I was a severe relapser and to get to my 90 days it took around 3 years. And here's where I want to make my second point.

    You grow with every streak of NoFap you make. Beating this addiction was a learning process and over these 3 years I learned every trick that my scumbag brain could do to get me to relapse. You learn your triggers, you learn that there is no such thing as safe amount of edging or porn and you learn how to occupy yourself from morning to the evening and to reduce your time with the computer so you wouldn't have temptations to watch porn. And of course since you're productive with your time when you don't masturbate all day, you grow as a person too.

    Your ED will get better and eventually dissapear. I met my girlfirend at around day 40 of this streak and around day 70 I was really comfortable with her already, rock hard all time but most importantly I felt strong passion for her which I never really felt before and in my mind I was just relaxed and not thinking "omg I hope it won't go down" etc. I could have had sex with her but since I've left to live in another country for couple of months she decided to save it for later and I am ok with that :)

    Solve your problems before you enter relationships. I don't think finding a girlfriend/boyfriend on day one of NoFap is a good thing. First month is the easiest to relapse, and If you give another person your addiction problems you're going to have a bad time. I had an angry/sexless relationship two years ago with my last gf, because I was chronicly relapsing all the time, and I eventually started blaming her for all the things when it clearly was only my addiction problems. So my word of advice is that it's better to get on a streak where you're in autopilot and in control of your addiction and then to look for your SO, so you could have a great and normal relationship.

    You will get "superpowers" only if you challange yourself every day. This is the best thing for me, how with the help of NoFap I made my life awesome. I made so much of all that free time that I've got staying away from my laptop and porn. From the moment I took NoFap seriously and lost my brain fog, I made many new friends, my girlfriend is fun and looks like a model, I work out 3-4 times a week, I started eating healthy, my body is in the best shape that it's ever been, I travell all the time, I've visited 3 continents and more than 20 different countries, I'm finishing university this year, and I have huge chances that I will get my dream job. The best thing is that I've started seeing oportunities to do something positive with my life and to improve myself to be a better person and that is the main reason my life has been going to a positive direction. Just remember that NoFap is a catalyst in your life and not the solution to all your problems.


This is Will I AM.  Broadcasting Saturday morning for anyone out there who can hear me.  Keep going.  Porn is not an option.  This message will be repeated.  If you want to quit, you CAN.  YOU CAN.    "!"

Peace. 
 
W

William

Guest
Maybe the 8 hardest words I have said to myself were:

"I am addicted. I am quitting porn, forever."

Until I said those words and meant them I was just continually quitting, failing, quitting, failing. I see a lot of guys in here who enter the forum, announce they are quitting, say "Let's go do this!", and fail 1,2, 7, days out over and over and over.  It's painful to watch. As you know I have a mantra: get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals. It works for me.

The only way to quit is to get porn completely out your head. A lot of guys here are trying hard to keep it in. They love the dopamine rush of porn, even if its taken some of us to a dark place. I love it too, but I can't use it, it is a drug too powerful for me to control. I had to learn that to get clean. Until that time I, like many here, I just switched on a PMO counter and put porn in a box high up on the shelf where I could not reach it easily, in a manner of speaking. I quit a number of times, but I needed the comfort of knowing I could use porn anytime--even if I did not.  Ultimately, to beat the addiction, you have to embrace the concept you are giving it up forever, period. 

Of course, I could use it now, access it, in three seconds, but it's not like it was before. I know I will NOT use porn. Won't do it. If porn is a thrill, it is a thrill I will not experience again. If it is a crutch or a comfort, it is a crutch or comfort I will not experience again. You have to get there to get clean. You have to learn that porn is not a toy you can take down from the shelf now and then and play with, only to have the power to put it back up when you wish. If you are a porn addict you have to realize you cannot play with porn like a toy.  It has to go 100%.  If you are an addict porn is in control, not you. I decided to take control.  I invite you reading this to do the same.

Peace. 
 
W

William

Guest
As you know I write here to help newbies who are just beginning the journey to clean.  The main thing to know is:  you can be clean.  You don't have to stay a slave to porn addiction for life, and the withdrawals that you must go through to get to this side of clean, while terrible, are temporary.  Most guys report serious lessening of the withdrawals around 90 days into the reboot.

This is what a guy said today about the withdrawals he was going through.

Great information. I began to feel horrible withdrawals around day 14, and relapsed on day 16.
Same here, withdrawal symptoms kicked in on day 14. Still have bouts of depression but it gets better everyday I guess/hope.

My withdrawals so far:

    loss of libido (not even porn arouses me anymore, tested first few days mistakenly)
    dead penis / decreasing size / balls just hanging there lifeless (=flatline)
    severe & deep depression
    suicidal thoughts
    fear, anxiety for no reason
    no motivation
    restless sleep, waking up way too early or every half an hour
    nightmares and insomnia
    no appetite
    feeling of loneliness, even with best friends around
    brainfog
    couldn't remember things people told me for more than a few hours (IQ of a nutshell)
    jaw cramps during sleep
    anger for no reason
    bad/depressed feeling when drinking alcohol
    started smoking cigarettes (next thing to stop when this is over)
    and the worst of all (happened only a few times): NO FEELING AT ALL. This was the worst, I didn't feel bad or depressed, nor happy or good, nor evil or aggressive. Just a feeling of pure emptiness. This was so awful and new for me, that I HOPED TO BE DEPRESSED AGAIN, just to have a feeling again and one I can define.

Most of the symptoms are gone now. Depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts are still there (day 97).


Understanding the above is important if you are a newbie.  But first, understand what years of porn has done to your brain's reward system.  Watch this vid.  It is the most important vid in the process of quitting porn ever made.  I don't just say that because I think it, I say it because it is on the home page of this forum, meaning Gabe believes it is pretty important too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

Peace.
 
W

William

Guest
Radio Will I AM broadcasting. 

I am going to say to you what I wish someone had said to me, early on.  You can quit porn, quit it completely, never go back.  You love it because you love the dopamine spike it gives you.  Without the dopamine spike, it would be like watching the clouds pass over, interesting but not fascinating.  Understand the problem.  Here is the education.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

If you are a newbie and you really want to change your life, watch the video.  Watch it and take notes.  Understand that porn is just a button you are pushing to get a dopamine high, and the way to beat porn addiction is to quit pushing the button.  More importantly, something the video does not tell you, if you quit pushing the button you will eventually quit wanting to.  That's right, you will quit wanting to.  That is a place most of us, when staring to quit, cannot even imagine.

I promise you, if you can give it 90 days, porn free, porn substitute free, you will be in charge again.  Then you can make a choice, go back or go forward.  You have to get to the place where you can make the choice before you make the choice.  Obvious, but true.

I would love to see you on this side of clean, I would love to see you make the choice to never go back. 

It is a pretty interesting place.  On this side of clean, you won't be a slave.  That makes you dangerous.   

I invite anyone reading this to get dangerous.

Radio Will I AM will continue to broadcast on this loop. 

Much love.

 
W

William

Guest
Hello Gentlemen.  OK, here is the deal.  I don't struggle with porn addiction anymore.  I don't relapse, I don't want to relapse, I am not tempted with relapse, I do not struggle with relapse.  Everything works the way it is supposed to. I have great sex with a loving partner all the time.  My filters are off because no matter what I see I do not trigger.  I don't go looking for trouble, but I am pretty much back to normal.

This began with a 90 day reboot.  The most important thing in that 90 days was no porn no porn no porn.  I suggest that if you have a serious problem, and you probably do if you are here, to add no MO and no O, during that 90 days.  Remember, this is a limited time in your life, a brief time in your life, to reboot and rebalance, to get back to "normal".  "Normal" is the place where your brain rewards human physical contact, sometimes called sex, over make believe computer pixels, sometimes called porn.

The first thing, Get Educated.  If you are struggling with porn addiction you have probably been struggling for years.  You want a quick fix.  IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.  THERE IS NO QUICK FIX, THERE IS NO PAINLESS OR EASY FIX.  A fix for porn addiction takes at least 90 days.  I know of no one who has reported clean sooner than that, but I know a lot of guys who report clean around that time, so plan on at least that.  The education.  You, like me, and everyone else her, have totally fucked up your brain's sexual reward center by abusing porn for years.  I stress that because a problem years in the making does not go away over night.  Watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

The video does not tell you a lot about how to overcome the addiction, but it does give great insight into how you became addicted.  Understanding that was huge for me quitting.  Once I understood that porn was just a button I pushed to get a dopamine fix, I understood I had to quit pushing the button.  If you are a newbie you are asking, what is dopamine?  Answer, to a porn addict, it is the best drug in the world.  When we are on it, all our problems seem a thousand miles away.  No matter how bad things are in our lives, we can always count on dopamine to make it all go away for a few moments, over and over again, multiple times, day in day out...for years.  It is a tough admission to admit we are addicted to porn, but it is more important to understand that porn is just the delivery system; we are really addicted to dopamine.  Understand that.  WATCH THE VID.

Get tools.  Don't fight this with will power alone.  Use this place to write and read and get educated.  Porn blockers are highly effective but don't think they will solve the problem.  They are a tool, an aid.  It is not so much that they block porn, but that they remind you you are quitting porn. That's another thing.  If you want to get clean you have to quit porn, QUIT it.  If you are here trying to control it but keep it in your life for occasional use, you are planning to fail.  You know what they say about planning to fail...planning to fail, if successful, leads to FAILURE.  If you are going to be successful in this you have to acknowledge porn controls you, and to escape that slavery you have to totally delete porn from your life style, 100%.  It has to go.  What are you giving up anyway?  You are giving up you sitting in front of a computer with your pants around your ankles rubbing one off to a computer screen.  It does just not have much value, does it?  Ok Ok, I know some of you are more creative, but this example describes the general situation. 

Last, withdrawals.  Porn addicts pay a price when quitting.  They have abused their sexual reward pathways, they have used them like their own private amusement park, and now that amusement park is being taken away.  Shunned.  Ignored, defriended.  Until you get rebalanced, which takes about 90 days, you are going to suffer.  You must understand this, know this, expect this, embrace this.  It is the price you will pay for freedom.  You need to plan on paying it. 

If you are reading this, I am here to tell you you can get clean.  My counter?  I did not turn it on until over one year clean.  I only have it so anyone else reading this, and wanting to get clean, knows it can be done.  I am not alone here, a lot of guys have gotten clean, you can too.  I hope this helps.

Peace.
 
W

William

Guest
Found this video on youtube from a group called "The Who."  I know, before our time.  But...I like the message. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRD_gIoVOmY

Take off your chains. 

Much love. 
 
Great stuff!

I can identify with your first post where you talk about triggering on almost anything. About the chameleon.

I find myself having a bit of a rush and producing precum and/or getting semi erections to just about anything remotely sexual. Such as: things that aren't even images, let alone videos, like a tinder match notification on my phone, a vaguely sexual tweet, or texting a girl to set up a date... also fully clothed not at all suggestive pics e.g. on facebook if I focus on them for a sec and let sexual thoughts come on... also I have random spontaneous fantasies (about real girls real) that I don't think I used to.

These are arousals that I'm not even actively seeking. If they come on, I don't do anything about them (i.e. no M, no O), which I hope is stamping out the dopamine addiction now clinging to life.

Do you interpret the fact that I apparently can get aroused from so little as a) a sign that the addiction is perhaps still around but on it's last legs? b) A symptom of being ready-to-go and healthy, given the abstinence (115+day reboot) I've gone in? ..A bit of both a&B?
 
W

William

Guest
Hi rebooter.  I think you are rebooted.  115 days are great.  It will get better.  Just be careful not to fall back.  You will be tempted along the way.  I interpret the fact that you can become aroused from so little as a fact that you are...alive.  Be alive, don't go back to being dead.  Be alive brother.  Be alive.  Getting clean of porn addiction does not make us better people.  It makes it possible for us to be better people.  This is your time to be a better person.  Go forward, not back.  It gets easier the longer you go.  Keep going.  You are an inspiration to those of us who post here. 

@ promise, anything with Freddie Mercury is gold. 

Much love. 
 
W

William

Guest
@ promise, dig the vid.  Come to this side of clean my brother.  It is time.

If you are going to try, go all the way.  Do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6_QUhUPrF4

For anyone reading this, there is only black and white when it comes to porn addiction.  You are either an addict using, or you are an addict not using.  If you are using...you are losing.  Two types of guys here.  There is the first type, I like them, they are guys who want to control their porn use, but don't want to abandon it.  They want to keep it around for casual fun.  They are addicts in denial, and they will fail.  Then there are the second type.  These guys can be challenging and testy.  They have acknowledged porn is in control and to control it they have banished it, defriended it, excommunicated it, and have told it to go fuck itself.  I am in the second group, and I am free.  I will never go back.  I took off those chains some time ago.  If you are reading this, I am inviting you to join this group.  It will hurt.  It will suck.  You will feel like you are dying.  And then, when you think you cannot take it anymore, you will discover yourself, and you will become free, and after that, you can't be broken. 

If you are going to try, go all the way. 

Much love. 
 
W

William

Guest
So you are fucked up.  I get it.  I was fucked up too.  Then I decided to get clean.  Now, though I am sure I am fucked up in other ways, I don't have porn addiction to deal with.  Now I can turn my attention to other things.  This is what post-addiction looks like.

http://www.eonline.com/news/577194/robert-downey-jr-reflects-on-his-past-drug-use-and-how-his-son-indio-downey-inherited-his-addictions

Downey is OK by me. 
 

Pheonix

Member
Thanks very much William for sharing what you have learned. I read your whole post, watched then links (love the Ted talk), and installed K9. These are some of the extra steps I need to ensure that I am on the road to a permanent recovery.

Peace
 
W

William

Guest
@ Pheonix, no prob Bro, glad I could help, hope I have. 

Peace.
 
W

William

Guest
I was approached via PM by a member who I believe wishes to remain anonymous.  He asked a question.  It is the same question all of us ask.  You know the question, it is the reason all of us eventually get to a place like this.  The only reason.  My response.

It helps to have a reason to quit.  Gary Wilson, whose video you can find on the home page of this forum, upper right, asks the question, why would any porn loving guy give it up.  Watch the video, understand the chemical reactions that occur when we are exposed to porn, aka artificial sexual stimulation, aka hypersexual imagery.  Understanding you are just pushing a porn button to get a dopamine high will help you understand how to control it and quit pushing the button.

That is the first question for you.  Why give it up?  What is your reason in giving it up?  I imagine you probably want to have a normal relationship, physical and emotional, with a woman.  You won't have that while porn is your master.  What is your goal?, and by that I do not mean breaking the PMO cycle, but what is your life goal?  Once you understand that porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high, and that it is dopamine that we are addicted to, then quitting porn becomes a small problem.  Not a huge problem.  If you have a big goal and a small problem you can probably beat the small problem.

There is a method to quitting.  I say Get Educated, Get Tools, Learn to Love Withdrawals.  Getting Educated is understanding the problem. 

Getting tools is finding things outside yourself, outside your will power alone to help in the quitting process.  Typically that would be installing K9 and writing here every single day.  Also, your goal should not be to control porn, but to eliminate it from your life.  Sometimes guys get wrapped up in the "challenge" to see how long they can go without.  I don't like that approach and do not use it.  If you are a porn addict then, like any other addict, to control the addiction you have to expel it from your life, completely.  It has to be a lifestyle change.  You may have difficulty with that concept because for many of us porn was the absolutely one certain thing we would do every day.  We might not shower some days, but we sure as hell got our porn fix.  Porn is self medicating and it can seem like a comfort, a friend, a crutch.  But porn is not a comfort, a friend, or a crutch.  Porn takes away from your life and adds nothing to it.  When we first start porn is like a roller coaster, a cheap thrill, but eventually it becomes more like a choir, something we have to do every day whether we like it or not, and by then, we don't really like to anymore, but it just feels like we have to.  By that point, we have wrapped ourselves up in the chains of our own slavery.  I advise you get angry at porn, make it your enemy.  Put obstacles between yourself and the problem.  The porn blockers will not stop someone determined to access porn, but if you are determined not to, they are a huge help.  For me they were like a tap on the shoulder reminding me what I was doing.  And what was I doing?  I was quitting porn and overcoming the addiction.

I will warn you, it is going to be hard, very hard.  Especially for you.  You are younger and the younger guys, say under 30, have only had porn as a sexual outlet.  Because of that you have wired your brain to porn, porn first before sex, porn and porn alone.  When we use the word "rewiring" it implies we are wiring our brains back to a place, to a reward pathway, that previously existed.  For those of us over 30 that translates to us at least having had a real sex life before the addiction overtook us.  For those of us your age I would imagine you have never had a sex life before or other than porn, meaning you have to de-wire from the only sexual outlet you have experienced.  It is easier to re-wire to sex if you at least previously had reward pathways that lit up with actual sex.  So, I am sorry to say, this will be difficult for you.

The last of the three, Learn to Love Withdrawals.  Porn, aka dopamine, withdrawals are horrible.  They are physical and mental and emotional pain.  The reward pathway that we have abused through porn consumption on some level feels like vitality, like being alive, more alive.  That is why we love dopamine, it feels good.  When you take that away, during the reboot, you will have moments that feel absolute terror. On some level you will literally feel like you are dying.  You won't be dying, but there is no addict who has not walked through that hell of withdrawal and not asked themselves "If this is the price of quitting, do I want to quit, can I pay the price?"  For me, the answer to that question was "If this is the price of quitting porn, and if I feel terror and like dying every single day for the rest of my life, then I will feel it."  You won't feel it forever, and by 90 days much, maybe all, will be behind you, but at the time it is happening you will feel a very human desire to relapse, to kill the pain.  But you cannot kill the pain and reboot, so you have to accept the pain, embrace it, know what it is, know it is inevitable, know it is a good thing, it is your dopamine soaked brain fighting you, threatening you, exhorting you, betting you, blackmailing you to relapse, to feed the addiction, to give it the drug.  If you are going to get clean, you can't give it the drug.  Therefore my phrase, learn to love withdrawals.  I came to greet them like an old friend, like embracing my torturer, like "I see what you are going to do today, and I am going to want to die, but it does not matter because you will not break me."  I joking tell people here, after I beat porn addiction I know I will not break under torture.

You are seventeen.  If you can overcome this now you can have a great life.  But know, as long as you are a slave to porn, your life will never be and achieve all the potential it could have had.  You will never have a truly normal relationship with a woman because no woman will be enough, only porn will be enough.  That is a horrible feeling to know you cannot get off with real women the way you only can with the category of porn you have gotten to. Want to know what is a worse feeling?  Loving someone and seeing in their eyes that they know they are not enough.  It is time for you to take the medicine, and in that 90 reboot period I promise you you will come to believe the medicine is worse than the disease, but if you can take it I also promise you you can become free.

I invite you to this side of free.

Good luck on your journey. 
 
W

William

Guest
Sender just posted this.  I felt is was so helpful I am posting it here again.  Thanks Sender!

The internet, as it is today, is literally flooded with hardcore porn.  It's always available, just a click away.  We don't have to opt-in, agree to have it sent to us, or provide proof of age.  It's there, all the time, in every home and on every device.  Sadly, there is no easy way to opt-out at this time.  I'm hoping for some sort of political action around this, and I do believe that will happen...eventually.  But for now, all we have is the pornternet.

It's one thing for me to exercise self-control and choose not to look.  But what about parents (like me) who have children that will almost certainly find this stuff, either on purpose or by accident, and become hooked.  Trying to block everything from every device is laborious at best, and far from perfect.  It requires technical know-how and a large amount of effort.  And while monitoring my kid's activities 24x7x365 may be a laudable goal, but that's just not possible.

What if you could just add a device to your network and BAM - no more porn.  Well, today, that's exactly what I did.  I bought one of these: https://www.sentrydns.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=BUCRPRO. It's a router that automatically blocks out all porn.  It even automatically locks down safe search so there are no longer any hardcore images to be had on my computer, no matter what I do!  It came today.  I just hooked it up inline with my existing router.  It did not affect my routing configuration at all except that now I have a totally porn-free home!

I know...I know...I can just unhook it if I want to, or disconnect from WiFi and go on my cellular network, which this device does not protect.  But that's not the point.  My kid can't get into my phone, nor can she reconfigure this router (even if she knew how, she doesn't have the password).  So I can rest at night knowing that my family is safe from the porn plague, at least when they are at home.
 
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