Unknowingly rebooting

[KingGandoopi79]

I'm a 37, married father of one. I've had a history of mental illness and as it seems, porn addiction. I haven't been diagnosed yet but the signs are there. Probably since 12 yrs old or so I've been masturbating but it wasn't until 16 or 17 that it became a once-a-day habit. I ended up in a mental health facility for eight days and haven't masturbated since 3/21/2017. It has been extremely difficult but it's a commitment and lifestyle I'm willing to uphold. Any help, tips and support would greatly help.

 

[Big H]

Anything in particular you need help with? Anything you're struggling with in this journey?

 

[KingGandoopi79]

My wife and I were wondering if we could still have sex. I was wondering if anybody here deals with pre-existing mental illness and how they handle both the withdrawals and their illness. How can I survive this?

 

[Death Trap]

As concerns the mental illness aspect, you should definitely bring this up with your therapist. If s/eh is unfamiliar with porn addiction, ask her to take a look at the yourbrainonporn website.

The consensus is that any orgasm hinders the reboot process. What is called a "hard reboot" requires you to go 90 days without any porn viewing, masturbating, or orgasm. Now, if you are married, your wife might not be much into this idea, since she's not the one with the problem. So, you can have sex with her like normal, accepting that this will probably slow down the reboot. There is also the possibility of what is called "karezza", which involves sexual play but does not culminate in male orgasm.

When you stop masturbating to porn, everything in life becomes better. But, you need to recognize that you are probably using porn as a way of coping with your day to day stresses; if you give it up, you will need to find other ways to cope, which can be quite difficult. I would bring this up with your therapist, too.

 

[Wabi-sabi]

Personally, I don't think sex will hinder your reboot. A vital part of rebooting for me was re-learning arousal - from pictures on a screen to physical contact.

So, like with anything else, try it and see how it works out for you. I think the most important mindset is not to fear rebooting, flatlining, re-wiring or even relapsing. (Fear is a cause of stress. Relax and enjoy rebooting as an opportunity for spiritual growth.)

Another point - I doubt you will ever get diagnosed with a porn addiction. I think gambling is the only behavioural addiction recognized by the medical community. Basically, my rule of thumb is that it's an addiction if you try to stop but can't.

As for mental health, I believe I have mild depression - which I think is common round here.