One woman's view

[Rainiegirl]

Thank you. I do hope that word about PMO addiction gets out there. This thing can progress into something so much worse. Sometimes a person can go to a place they cant return from. I hope someone does something soon befor others have to go through what I am currently dealing with. I'm broken.

 

[Bibbity]

Just know that whatever you are dealing with is likely not new.  I have heard it all in terms of this addiction and it is pretty terrible.  Know that you are not alone in this.

 

[Rainiegirl]

I feel very alone. My ex's addiction is so sever that I have been forced to remove him from our home and deny him any access to the kids for their safety. I just thank god that they have not been harmed. I had no reason or signs that indicated this level of sex addiction. I'm compleatly traumatized. I don't know where to go from here. 

 

[SO Reboot Partner]

I feel very alone. My ex's addiction is so sever that I have been forced to remove him from our home and deny him any access to the kids for their safety. I just thank god that they have not been harmed. I had no reason or signs that indicated this level of sex addiction. I'm compleatly traumatized. I don't know where to go from here.

I'm so sorry to read this and so proud of you for keeping your children safe.

 

[Bibbity]

I feel very alone. My ex's addiction is so sever that I have been forced to remove him from our home and deny him any access to the kids for their safety. I just thank god that they have not been harmed. I had no reason or signs that indicated this level of sex addiction. I'm compleatly traumatized. I don't know where to go from here.

I'm so sorry to read this and so proud of you for keeping your children safe.

Ditto to this.  Do you have someone to help you?  Can you talk to a professional about next steps?  You are a strong woman and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.  This addiction is the absolute worst and I am so sorry it has gotten to this point for him

 

[Gracie]

Rainiegirl, I too am sorry that you have to experience this.  It is very hard to deal with this addiction.  Only you know the answer on how to deal with your relationship.  I am glad that you were strong enough and thought enough of yourself to make a decision.  When you say you do not know where to go from here, I have a suggestion.  Seek counseling, professional help.  This will help you sort through your spaghetti bowl of emotions right now. 

Just know that I, as well as many others are thinking about you during this time.  Also know that we are sending you energy and prayers!

 

[Viper]

That's real sad news-
Wish there was something I can write to make the pain go away.
At least you are there for the children protecting them, as you wrote.
You have to be a rock for them.

And yes, the word is getting out and all these darn health care
professionals need to take notice!

 

[Rainiegirl]

So I went to a therapist that deals with sex addictions. She convinced me not to give up hope. She said I made the right decision but that he could still get the help he needs and one day we could have the family back together. This could take years. His problems are all because of porn. This evil crap has lead him to a very distructive path. He's miserable. We all are. 

 

[Bibbity]

That is great that you sought help from a professional.  I am so proud of how strong you are being for your kids and family. 

I came across this guy named Ross Rosenberg who writes about codependancy and sex addiction (including online porn addiction) and I thought it might help.  I'm going to post it on the general section too.  Take care RG.

http://youtu.be/M6BpHUUAVsg

 

[Rainiegirl]

I bought him the book Out of the Shadow by Patrick Carnes and he read it in one day. It was that book that finally hit home. He realizes now that he has a life altering addiction. All the articles from YBOP never seemed to sink in with him befor. Even getting kicked out didn't make him see how much damage porn has made on his life. He showed up at the house crying, saying he finally gets it, after reading the book. I finally feel like we are getting somewhere. It's too bad we had to hit bottom this way befor any progress could be made.

 

[Bibbity]

Sounds like he is finally seeing the light.  I really hope he is.  Stay strong

 

[Viper]

I bought him the book Out of the Shadow by Patrick Carnes and he read it in one day. It was that book that finally hit home. He realizes now that he has a life altering addiction. All the articles from YBOP never seemed to sink in with him befor. Even getting kicked out didn't make him see how much damage porn has made on his life. He showed up at the house crying, saying he finally gets it, after reading the book. I finally feel like we are getting somewhere. It's too bad we had to hit bottom this way befor any progress could be made.

may have taken the longest route but it looks like he found his way home....
both literally and figuratively  8)

Best wishes moving forward.

 

[PMOVictory]

Hi Rainiegirl

I have just read your post. Sad to see how some guys just don't get it. It is almost like asking yourself, what will it take for them to finally get to that realisation.

Then again, for me that struggled for 40 years with initially M and later the whole PMO thing, I know how difficult it is. There were days, most of the time, that I hated myself for doing it. But just could not break through. If it were not due to a lot of things that happened in a short space of time helping me to start to cultivate the desire to quit. I think it would not have worked for me. And still while having that desire I could not really stop!

Eventually it took my wife to catch me out red handed that did it for me. It is all about pain and pleasure, if we associate more pain to something that we value a lot we might decide to stop what is giving us pleasure.
So for me, the pain of seeing my wife devastated, in torment, broken up by me doing what I did were more painful than doing the PMO, together with the fat that I wanted out of it. This is what tipped it for me. The last 90 days for me were just such an eye opener.

I really desire for your SO to get to this point. If he does not realise it, it will be difficult for him to really commit to beating the PMO Devil.

 

[Married with children]

This is a strong story. There must be strong ties keeping you together for you to take this fight. Hopefully those will save the marriage.

I stopped PMO by myself before this became a problem of this magnitude. I stopped because I started to understand how harmful porn could be. One video was enough 'The great porn experiment'

I think your husband seems incredibly slow to understand. Does he understand that you are his last hope in this? Does he think that this will be easier by himself, or that any other new woman will put up with the porn? Your hand is the only one keeping him from plunging into the abyss. Not only is PMO addiction destructive it also leads to a place where not even the most disgusting porn imaginable (that is where escalation will bring you) will satisfy. If he wants to sit abandoned in the dark watching discussing sexual acts clenching his limp dick in his withered hands instead of being with his family so be it.

I would explain this and set some time constraints. If this process saves two people, great. But in the end priority must be given save yourself and the children.

I am a 44 year old/young man with 4 girls 5-12-17-18 and a wife that deserves the best I can be.

 

[Rainiegirl]

It's been awhile since I posted anything on here. We have been doing pretty good lately. To answer some previous posts - no, he couldn't understand the problem. My partner is a sex addict. In his mind everything was acceptable as long as he didn't physically hurt anyone. Everything in society told him that his behavior was ok. Men in tv and movies constantly objectify women and watch porn. His friends all do it. Most of society believes that women who object to such things are just prudes. He is an addict and as an addict he convinced himself that his problem wasn't that bad. When he was kicked out of the house and finally started reading about sex addiction, reality set in. Some of his behaviors were alot worse than he had perceived them to be. The way he was behaving was much more damaging than he thought. His concept of sexuality was twisted, and he was suffering with very negative consiquences of addiction that he previously hadn't seen.
We are working through it and I have already noticed some positive results. I can only hope for the best.

 

[SO Reboot Partner]

It's been awhile since I posted anything on here. We have been doing pretty good lately. To answer some previous posts - no, he couldn't understand the problem. My partner is a sex addict. In his mind everything was acceptable as long as he didn't physically hurt anyone. Everything in society told him that his behavior was ok. Men in tv and movies constantly objectify women and watch porn. His friends all do it. Most of society believes that women who object to such things are just prudes. He is an addict and as an addict he convinced himself that his problem wasn't that bad. When he was kicked out of the house and finally started reading about sex addiction, reality set in. Some of his behaviors were alot worse than he had perceived them to be. The way he was behaving was much more damaging than he thought. His concept of sexuality was twisted, and he was suffering with very negative consiquences of addiction that he previously hadn't seen.
We are working through it and I have already noticed some positive results. I can only hope for the best.

The very real problem with this addiction is the addict has no idea how harmful their habit is to themselves or others. The addicted brain is in no condition to decide, yet has to decide if recovery is even possible.

You, Ms. Rainegirl, are handling this like a  BOSS.

The gas-lighting - that time tested little bit of dysfunctional wisdom used to justify, rationalize and debunk any change (women that object are prudes, one example) only works if you let it. You kicked him out of the house. I reminded my him that this stuff is so good he broke his penis.

The magic here is getting that porn-zapped, infected brain to the point that consequences and real life pleasures begin to matter again. It isn't easy for you, but staying focused and understanding that the addiction will fight him along the way might help.

Yes, society/cultural norms love the p-addiction. It is a weakness to be exploited. It isn't going away, no matter how many documentaries or books are written. For me, there is only one man I'm interested in becoming impervious to it. If you succeed, we have two - it is a start.

I know how hard all of this is. I also think you have the right stuff to succeed no matter the outcome. Love your babies, care for yourself and don't let this thing drown you.

Kindest regards,

SORP