Copy of post by Gracie in Porn Addiction

Gracie

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Here is what I posted in response to apology in Porn Addiction by someone who posted using many different names and was brutal to our partner members and supporters:  (it is a little long)

That's the problem with saying words, writing words that are designed to throw the blame on someone else and cut them off at the knees.  Once it is said it is always there.  I know it well.  It is what my husband used when I discovered.  When you posted in the partner section and in the men's sections, you used the same words and thought processes that our addict partners used.  Many of us felt judged and harmed over and over by your words.  Our partner section went trough a shake up the like of which I have never seen in 6 years of posting.

I may be a little more thick skinned than most.  I started out at YBR.  There were not many women on boards that far back.  So I went to the 40 and up section and posted my questions in men's threads.  And they answered.  I told them how it felt to be a partner, helped them see the "wife side" of this.  Some men were not nice.  But I kept hangin' in there.  YBR could be a little wild west at times. 

Then Gabe started Reboot Nation.  I think I was the first woman here.  He asked what we needed.  I said a place for partners.  And he listened.  Our needs are so different from the addict's.  And We were two or three and then it grew.  The women felt safe.  Men popped in and supported us or asked questions.  The women became more sharing.  It was great. 

We had about 6 women that had registered and been posting for months and left as a result of the meaness that came in.  I had women join briefly and then send me PMs saying your partner section is not safe.

Then to further be frustrated.  A new name would appear send a lightning bolt of "hey just get over it" and then disappear.  I have told you this so you can see some of the effects of your words and attitudes.

Even now, your words are starting to get aggressive where you have posted.  You need HELP.  If the words you use reflect the feelings you have, you need help.  Professional counseling help.  It feels like you are a pressure cooker and the hate in posting is the valve that lets a little steam out.

I hope you find a way to heal.  But tearing other people down so you can feel superior is not the way to do it.

 
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