Rebooting While Married?


New Member
Here is my story. I started with porn in high school so I am going on about 20 years as I am 34. It was a daily event. I never got into extreme stuff and I preferred the more romantic variety if there is such a thing. I met someone I was going to marry and we both waited until marriage to have sex with each other. We got married last July. I didn't quit porn but I drastically cut back on it as I actually consider it cheating and felt guilty about it. So I would not like doing it but occasionally I would use it in the morning when she left for work. For about 8 months I had no problem with intercourse and getting full erections even on the same evening I used porn in the morning. But during the last 3 or 4 months or so their has been a downward slide. Our normal routine was foreplay then I would go down on her and she would pull me up and want penetration before she reached orgasm. I never had a problem staying hard while I went down on her but then I started going soft recently. I didn't think it was a big deal, she went down on me for a few seconds and I was good to go again. That happened a few times but then a few weeks later I couldn't get fully hard at all after foreplay but we were able to make love the next morning so I figured I was just tired or stressed those nights. I work a lot of hours so I thought my problem was exhaustion and not porn until it happened several times in a row. Then I had a trip to Ecuador for business. Again during this time I was still looking at porn once or twice a week but not everyday. Then I had a weeklong trip to Ecuador for my job. I looked at porn a couple of times when my roommate was gone and got aroused but didn't masturbate. My wife was sending me dirty messages while I was away so I got real anxious to make love to her when I got back. The first night back we were going to make love and I got aroused during foreplay but I lost it the second I went to penetrate. We tried multiple times with no luck. We chalked it up to fatigue from the trip. And we made love the next morning with no problem. But everyday since then I have not been able to get a full erection without constant stimulation. I haven't looked at porn since my trip to Ecuador so about 4 weeks. I have had oral sex with my wife twice. I can get it up and reach orgasm during oral but will lose it before I can get it in for penetration. For the first 2 weeks I had no real desire to have sex but I could get aroused during foreplay. I had lost any sign of morning wood or spontaneous erections. The last couple of weeks I have had more libido, I have gotten morning wood occasionally and have had better sensations. I immediately get erections at lest partial just from a hug from my wife or even just thinking about her but I still can't get a full erection or maintain it enough to make love. I have no desire to watch porn again because I just consider it wrong.

I know it's only been a month but my wife wants me to see a doctor. Does anybody here think I should go see if their is any physical problems. I assume I have PIED but is 34 old enough to have it checked out? Is it ok to use a prescription during reboot or should I just wait? We also want to start having kids and my biggest fear is that I won't ever be able to knock her up.

Should I discontinue all intimate affection and or not receive any oral sex from her? I would still like to satisfy her sexually even if I can't perform myself. But is that hurting or helping my reboot if I kiss and go down on her?

I haven't done any masturbation but the crazy thing is that when I masturbated a couple times a week I didn't have the same level of ED I have now. Granted I used porn at the time. But should I masturbate without fantasy or porn or will that set me back with the whole dopamine and libido stuff?

Any married and unmarried fellows out there that can give me some good advice on this?


Active Member
It sounds like you've possibly hit somewhat of a flatline.  I personally wouldn't masturbate.  Going to a doctor never hurts. At least it will give you some peace of mind when you check out ok physically.  As far as the rest of it, I think you're good to engage in any type of activity you and your wife want to.  Just stay away from porn and let your brain and body do the rest.  Just know that it can take some time to recover so be patient.  I can assure that PIED is a real thing and rebooting DOES work.


Respected Member
Sounds like an onset of PIED. Reboot is a good idea. You can go in just to be sure, as it really won't hurt anything. Theo worst that could happen is the doc will say nothing is wrong. It's pretty common. Most docs don't believe PIED is a thing even though thousands of men experience it. So if you do go in and you bring it up, prepare for that kind of response.

As far as reboot, you will be more successful if you tell your wife. She needs to know and she can be a huge help, but not if she doesn't know what is going on. Also, I would really consider having her not go down on you or receiving any hand jobs. Your goal is to be able to have sex again, actual penetration, right? You need to refrain from doing things that remind your brain of porn. Do what you need to do for her if she is asking for that but consider trying to refrain for yourself. If you communicate the problem and your thought process she will probably be understanding. If she has any questions or experiences some hurt or other emotions, as a result, encourage her to get support. This is a long process, do not underestimate that. Good luck and know there is a community of support here for you and your wife.