recoverer
Member
Hi,
You might recognise my username from a certain recovery forum that shut down recently and yes I am that same guy. Essentially I have been in recovery for over 12 years and whilst I am relatively young still, I feel like an old war veteran sometimes.
I thought I would reboot and tell my story on how I became an addict and well my recovery so far...
So from the age of 11 I have always been curious about the opposite gender, It started with catalog models, it was an escape from life itself, I had a troubled school life and hated myself, I was always bullied and backstabbed by so called friends, it is only something I have learnt to let go of recently.
Anyway fast forward to age 14 and I start using dial up to look at pornographic images first as a curiosity and then it started to become a past time and then it was something "I had to do", it became an addiction.
Anyway at 16 I have 48 hour binge of looking at indecent images and I collapse in exhaustion and I go down into prayer for the first time in a long time and ask for this cursed obsession to be removed from me.
I join recovery forums and I start my recovery, at first it is mildly successful, i hit 30days, 100 days and even surpassed 200 days, I had relapses but was constantly positive until the last few years, I started to get cynical about recovery well at least the way I was doing it and SAA in general, just because their preaching really made it more like a religion rather than a way of recovery. I have not been able to hit past 30 days for a very long time.
Though I haven't been caught looking at porn and not suffered from porn induced ED, I may do in future, I have recently got into a relationship, it is my first relationship and it is moving in a good direction and my addiction is something I haven't opened up about and it is something I need to get out in the open. I have seen what porn does to relationships and marriages and to be honest I don't want to be that dirtbag spouse responsible for a lifetime of misery.
I know I have to start getting sober and get porn out of my life once again and then get into my root issues and find a way where this compulsive behavior doesn't take over my life again.
Today is Day 0, I need to take this 1 day at a time.
You might recognise my username from a certain recovery forum that shut down recently and yes I am that same guy. Essentially I have been in recovery for over 12 years and whilst I am relatively young still, I feel like an old war veteran sometimes.
I thought I would reboot and tell my story on how I became an addict and well my recovery so far...
So from the age of 11 I have always been curious about the opposite gender, It started with catalog models, it was an escape from life itself, I had a troubled school life and hated myself, I was always bullied and backstabbed by so called friends, it is only something I have learnt to let go of recently.
Anyway fast forward to age 14 and I start using dial up to look at pornographic images first as a curiosity and then it started to become a past time and then it was something "I had to do", it became an addiction.
Anyway at 16 I have 48 hour binge of looking at indecent images and I collapse in exhaustion and I go down into prayer for the first time in a long time and ask for this cursed obsession to be removed from me.
I join recovery forums and I start my recovery, at first it is mildly successful, i hit 30days, 100 days and even surpassed 200 days, I had relapses but was constantly positive until the last few years, I started to get cynical about recovery well at least the way I was doing it and SAA in general, just because their preaching really made it more like a religion rather than a way of recovery. I have not been able to hit past 30 days for a very long time.
Though I haven't been caught looking at porn and not suffered from porn induced ED, I may do in future, I have recently got into a relationship, it is my first relationship and it is moving in a good direction and my addiction is something I haven't opened up about and it is something I need to get out in the open. I have seen what porn does to relationships and marriages and to be honest I don't want to be that dirtbag spouse responsible for a lifetime of misery.
I know I have to start getting sober and get porn out of my life once again and then get into my root issues and find a way where this compulsive behavior doesn't take over my life again.
Today is Day 0, I need to take this 1 day at a time.