My future is awesome!


Respected Member
Thanks Jim,

I'm really happy for your relationship.

As for mine, its not blame i'm focusing on.
Its empathy.
I actually don't have much hope for us, but my focus here isn't about "us"
Its about being empathetic to another living being, especially one whose life i feel is more difficult than mine.
We should never kick someone who is down. We should help what we can, and not measure what i can get in return. We often forget we have already received. That is why the gratitude journal is so important.
Automatic empathy is what i want to inculcate deeply within me, instead of focusing on my current needs and wants.
I suppose that is my lesson to myself on self love and attraction.


Respected Member

firstly i want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story and engage in yours.

This is what i have discovered for myself in these 3 weeks of clean living and journaling

1. immense clarity of understanding myself
2. clarity of the few things i want to focus on improving now
- my roots of depression
- goals and acknowledgement -> leading to accomplishment and esteem
- embracing learning, effort and accountability -> leading to confidence
- making choice: should i focus on my emotions or goals? GOALS
- negativity change into positivity -> leading to attraction
- empathy for others -> leading to love for myself
3. gradual but sure detachment from PMO
4. gradual but sure increasing sense of self ability and assurance
5. gradual but sure improving outlook in life
6. gradual but sure improving happiness and sense of self
7. increased ownership of my time, action and quality and outlook of my life

I don't look back anymore
I only look forward towards my vision of my life i want to live.

this is wonderful. Thank you so much for being on this journey with me.


Respected Member
I'm curious
Us guys here on reboot, are we all similar in psychology?
As in do we share similar traits?
Are we less successful?
Are we have fixed mindset?
Negative or less courageous or generally reclusive?

Hard questions, I'm sorry, but i would like to know.


Respected Member
I would like to highlight 3 things:

1. Please journal all your thoughts.
The girl i loved but lost journaled 365 days. I think it helped her focus on what she wants and is important in her life. My journalling has also help me reflect and look back on what developed in me. It's shown that I've moved forward and is improving.

2. Ask yourself and you will have answers.
I asked myself some questions yesterday and slept on it.
Today answers seemed to arise freely from within.

3. Frame your concerns not on the issue but what you can do about it.
eg. This is going to be so hard.
into -> What can i do to achieve this ?

hope this helps


Respected Member
I've come to see that all my life choices have been rooted from my negativity:
- not good enough compared to others
- not good enough and giving up early before trying harder
- willing to settle for less or lower thinking that's all i deserve

I don't blame PMO.
I PMO because I was negative about myself and my possibilities

What i did not do right:
* focus and measure myself on my failures instead of my success
* not setting goals and acknowledging them myself
* not surrounding myself with positive encouraging and helpful people
* not seeking meaningful relationships
* not making the effort to see difficulties through
* not having a greater meaning and reason for life
* not spending more time to reflect on life

My path to positive is very clear and simple: do the opposite !


Respected Member

thank you for catching me.
you're right. negativity is my weakness. it is the start of my downward spiral.

What are my positives for these few days ?

The down started this morning. (< looking back I'm sick these few days. here are some interesting signs i should be watching over ie. health and mind associations )
Went to a career fair and was surprised how aggressive the hirers were looking for people.
guess all the negative public opinions dont always hold true !
One took a long time to chat over current business needs: Data analysts, risk management & automation. Another was very forward in sharing the business challenges with me.
Will give them a call on monday.
>>> Grateful for the chance to meet some great guys.

Friend text and invited me to a cookout in the evening.
Weather was hot and i ride a bike so was thinking of bailing on them.
But in the end I went and cook pasta for them.
Overall a good time.
>> It felt good to be able to feed friends and have their company

Went for a group paced run in preparation for coming sunday's race
Didn't complete the stipulated 18k but discovered something about my running style.
I'll use that to adjust and manage future runs.
>> Grateful for the team who paced us, the organization of the event and proving to myself i can do 6:10/km for 12km. lol

Read more about triathletes, and spoke with a friend who is an ironman and he shared with me his training life so i can understand better.
the girl i love is moving towards this lifestyle. I feel i understand her a whole lot better now.
I'm am therefore even more grateful she has spent so much time on the phone with me in the past.
If you are interested:
Point 12 is what I liked most about her. Straight to the point, goals, perseverance and living meaningfully.
>> I am grateful for knowledge and her positive influences.

Took my nephew to watch an international soccer match with tickets my sister bought.
Though I am not feeling well and the weather terribly hot, getting me out and doing things is helpful.
After the match, nephew and I walked back and i spent the time talking to him about decision making and effort and grit in life. We walked back almost 3km and I'm proud of him
>> I'm happy to get the chance to spend time with someone i love.

Writing these events out now makes me realize i've been doing good and life is not as bad as i think.
I'm lucky to have friends and family look out for me.

JS, you have looked out for me too.
Thank you so much !


Respected Member
I would like to add that I should keep my life incredibly simple and focused.
No more than 3 things at once :
1. career ( what i need to do to excel in it)
2. health ( a program to improve and excel )
3. mind ( a program to diligently follow ever single day )

the mind is like a muscle.
the program i follow to train for 21k mara is showing result.
a similar program for the mind will do the same too.
If i can blog/journal/forum an hour each day, I should be able to set aside 30 mins each day to meditate too.
meditation is the same as the hour run i do to train for a race
it will settle my mind and help me focus better.

> lets start with 30 mins each day at 10pm :)


Respected Member
I found this podcast today

I love Pornfree Radio: Porn Addiction | Recovery | Help | Pornography Freedom, let's play it!

Give it a try.
I hope it can help you.


Respected Member
1. Good start each day.
Start your day brightly by doing some good first thing in the morning.
go for a quick jog / cook breakfast / clean some stuff up / make bed

2. Energy across the day
be mindful to get up from the computer and walk around
long time sitting down reading or computing is energy sapping.
charge up your brain and energy by getting up and walk around after a while

3. open up and release your failings.
we are more often hindered not by obstacles but by mindset and baggage.
release your baggage by opening up to others and sharing your vision and action plan moving forward
people who love you will not judge you. instead they will be awed by your determination to break free and move forward.
trust me its liberating

4. help other help yourself
my biggest reward is when i am motivating others, i invariably motivate myself.
goodness goes so many ways

5. let go let go let go
let go of expectation, of prejudice, of beliefs, of attachment
open up and receive new possibilities, new opportunities
no one knows when will happen in the next moment so dont give up !

6. one step at a time
in my hunt for job, the first step was career counseling
then it was going for a class to sharpen our pitch
then it was finding another bright spark in the class to learn from
then it was improving the resume
then it was putting everything together and meet real interviewers
many little steps to improving myself.
There's some more to go but similar to job hunting, being free of PMO is also full of small but meaningful steps
once you've taken the first, take the next, and then the next.
soon you will be where you want to be

7. Put in the damn effort !!! Only when you want it/are hungry enough will you get it !!!
Nothing is for free or entitled.
You'd only get it AFTER you put in the effort.
effort effort effort !!!

8. meditate !!!
it is the best kind of self love.
when you sit alone with eyes closed and without any external distractions
you become fully connected with yourself: your thoughts, emotions and feelings.
You'd realize
- you are not as bad as you think
- your day is full of wonder and surprises and beauty
- you have so much to look forward to
Close your eyes, do not daydream, do not listen to music, just focus on your breathing and keep giving loving kindness to yourself.

i seek the company of women because i want to receive love
i want to receive love because i am lacking love
i am lacking love because i do not adequately love myself
situation ? love myself !
solution ? make effort, do more good, meditate and acknowledge self achievements !

peace to all


Active Member
TAN - I can relate to a lot of what you said. I used to be like that many years ago. One of the things I found was to gain confidence in myself by setting small goals and accomplishing them one at a time. It helped build my confidence and in turn had a huge positive impact in other areas of my life - mainly learning to love myself. I would say that I have completely found joy, but I am not as hard on myself as I used to be. My suggesting is finding something that will move your spirits forward and do it. If love is what you are looking for, then it will find you at the right time.


Respected Member
Thank you JS,

you are absolutely right.

my focus on gaming and PMO have caused me to be disconnected from society and reality that it is taking me some time to figure out what i am passionate about.
Having a financial situation is also not making it any easier.

But simplifying my life now, focusing on a few things:
- get a job
- improving health
- improving mind
is making me feel generally more optimistic about the future.

no more unrealistic dreams of being an imaginary multimillionaire or having the perfect woman
like the little goals we make for ourselves, every little improvement in our lives is worth celebrating.

Bless you and your good heart.


Respected Member
What can i do that is Inspiring
What actions of mine will make another life better

What can i do to Improve myself
the quality of my mind, spirit and life from now on

How shall i be a Role Model
I must set myself as the example for everyone around me

I shall be Clean, Wholesome & Dignified
this is the standard of life i will lead from now on

I shall be Positive & Unlimited
this is how i will look to everyday and beyond


Respected Member
I faced a few difficulties today.
1. A work opportunity seems to be slipping away
2. I took up a charity challenge that I may be ill equipped for
3. I fell out with my long term business partner over some disagreements.

I realized that my usual behavior is to run and seek comfort
I am in this situation because :
1. i did not plan and prepare my situation properly in advance
2. i was not clear about my contract with parties
3. i was focusing on the events now, not what i can do

I went to the gym to work out some of the negative energy.
Through it i understood myself better:
1. my old behavior of running away and forgetting has never helped me.
2. things are never as bad as they seemed. Its just pessimism and negative mindset
3. I made my plan of action and i will see these events through. I will be toughened by this experience and will come out stronger

I also realized a few things:
1. contract is very important. I need to remember my agreements with people and carry them through. For folks with partners, you have a contract with them too.
2. think beyond myself. Transform the thoughts to how i can help others. that takes pressure away from me and helps me to focus my energy on improving things
3. plan prepare and prepare. Nothing happens independently. To move smoothly, think and plan clearly before doing

We are here in this community because we are constantly running away from our fears.
We have the fears because we were unprepared
We were unprepared because we didnt plan or prepare.
We think the fears are insurmountable because we have a fixed mindset and we are not TRYING!

I need to grow a pair now and deal with everything head on
I will have a plan and carry it through
I will not set unrealistic expectations or set too high a standard.
I will set realistic goals and carry them out one by one.
I will finish my task and look back at my achievements that others cannot do.
I will be victorious.


Respected Member
I am not negative when i wrote this:

I lived my life running away from the battlefields.
As a result I now own the pathetic and unenviable life of a coward.
I can either choose to stay this way, or man up and take on the challenges, not once thinking of myself, but what i can do for others.
I chose glory over insignificance.


Respected Member
Thanks JS
I embraced my fears today ( with the help of gym :)
1. I touched up my resume and sent it off
2. I turned fear of a challenge in to embrace. Because i know what i will be doing, no matter how difficult, will help the community and the donors. Because they placed their faith in me, I cannot have space in my heart to feel sorry for myself
3. I turned anger and rejection from my business partner into love and compassion. I reached out to him with logic and empathy. He may not agree, and our friendship is over, but i hold no animosity. I had to do what i believed was right and fair. and i will carry it out.
4. i cooked dinner haha
5. I raised $1k from friends in 1 day from a single fb post. I have seriously awesome friends
6. I helped my good friend at the airport. We talked till late. I am bless with such kind and loving friends.

It's been a wonderful day.
I faced challenges and embraced it with new eyes: eyes that looked outwards to help others, not inwards to hide myself.
Like the little goals i set and accomplish each day add that little bit more to my confidence, the little challenges i faced and embraced each day adds that little bit more to be courageous.

My future will be glorious and victorious !


Respected Member
Start your day with a few chores
mop the floor, wash some dishes, cook breakfast, whatever
these simple actions are the foundation to healthy and positive living because from the get go you already have a few goals and accomplishments completed. Dopamine hit!
the strength and courage to face the rest of the day is already there.

Avoid complacency as that leads to stagnation and withdrawal.

Start your day good and the rest will follow.


Respected Member
Lyon03's 2 posts linked here is in my opinion the best and most deserved read I've come across so far.
Please do take the time to read and reread them.
This is the reason why we are all here.;prev_next=next#new

The more I think about it the more it makes sense and the more I want to change.
Almost 40 years of incorrect concept and living. This has to STOP

I met a new someone my same age today
between graduation and 28 he worked hard in his job
28 to 33 he opened his real estate company.
from 34 he became a property developer just as the market picked up.
Today he is a multi millionaire and a VC with 10 developments under his belt.

Stop feeling sorry for myself
Stop thinking I'm not good enough
Be honest with myself and I will start seeing the world as it is, without delusions
I will no longer have fear, and do all that needs to be done.