My future is awesome!

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WHAT IS MY CAR
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
PART 1 OF 2

Imagine we have a car that wont start on Sunday
We need the car to get to work on Monday
What would we do?

1. Meddle around and try to find the problem, but ended thinking its a battery or spark plug fault and not realizing that its out of gas
2. Go chill and watch TV and not give a bother.
3. Go polish the car thinking it'll make us feel better
4. Go walk 2 miles to the nearest station and get a can of gas
5. get a friend to give us a lift to the nearest station
6. get a friend to bring us some gas

Now think that the car is a problem / challenge / stress we are facing in life.

What should we do ?
#1 is helpful but we're not successful in solving the problem
#2 and #3 feels good but doesnt help with the problem at all
#4 is the most independent solution. Make the effort and solve it ourselves. Learn from it.
#5 is also good. getting help from someone who works through the problem together with us. Learning with support
#6 is dependent. passing the problem to someone else to solve. did we really learn the lesson and improve?

Thinking deeper,
#1 is ignorance. we tried but are wasting precious time and effort
#2 and #3 is avoidance. PMO lives here, blocking our path to improving our lives
#4 is about courage and self reliance
#5 is about therapist. getting help when needed
#6 is also avoidance. we really should own our issues.

 

[TakeActionNow]

DIFFERENTIATING THE PROBLEM AND THE EMOTION
PART 2 OF 2

PMO doesnt exist on its own
PMO exists for a reason.
As PMO is a form of fantasy, its usually a means of escape from reality
Thus not facing reality,
reality's problems contiune to exisit, but time spent on PMO does nothing to solve reality's problems.

Reflect this:
You did something, intentionally or not
It offended someone, and they got angry and agressive with you
you argue back, to no avail.
the next day you're still feeling pissed.

PMO is the feeling.
The event is long over, but the emotion remains.
Know that event and emotions are 2 seperate and distinct things, and can continue to exist independently of each other, even if event may have triggered the emotion.
PMO is the emotion.
Long after the event is over, we continue to feed the emotion.
Like feeling angry, feeling hurt, feeling humiliated.
Instead of addressing the event, like self reflection and improvement, we end up indulging the emotion.
And feed it
overtime the emotion, PMO, becomes a living being of its own.
The reasons for its existance are long gone, yet we continue to feed the flames that fuel it.

PMO intitally exists in oue lives because more often than not we are facing a challenge:
1. discomfort with challenge
2. needing feelings of love and security
3. needing feeling of acceptance
4. needing feeling of superiority etc

but instead of self effort and improvement, we took the easy path of free goods at no cost
well, there is a cost
and the cost is far costlier than whatever reasons that drove us to this end.

this is how addiction occurs.
an event drove us to explore
and we ended up not only not solving the event, but getting stuck in the exploration.

Let go of the feeling
Let go of the relationship with PMO
go back into the real world
face the challenges we once tried to avoid
and embrace reality and let go of fantasy

 

[TakeActionNow]

AT WHAT PRICE ???

I know its entertaining
i know its attractive
but at what price ?

time away from self development
time away from developing hobbies and interests that reward more over time with improvement
time away from relationships and loved ones. leading to increased shame and isolation
time away from dealing with challenges. challenges remain and pile up
no chance to share success with others
no chance to help others with learned abilities
no chance to make another person's life better
no chance to make my own life better.

Its not simply PMO
its lost time
its lost opportunity
its lost investment
its lost development
its lost rewards

what an awefully huge price we pay, for something utterly false

 

[TakeActionNow]

Many friends here write of thier shame in giving in time and again

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR FAILING !!!
INSTEAD, CHANNEL ALL YOUR ENERGIES AND EMOTIONS INTO HATING P, CREATORS OF P, DISTRIBUTORS OF P AND ALL THE ACTORS OF P !!!

Love yourself for all the efforts you have put into confront this falsehood that is the creation of someone else purely for their own benefit.
They dont care about us.
If fact, they cheer on our sufferings and demise!
Why should we give our precious time and attention to these destructive people ?

Should we curse ourselves for stepping on dog shit ?
We were not the ones who put dog shit there !
Instead, we must love ourselves so much that we want ourselves to never again step on shit again !!!

LOVE OURSELVES !
HATE THE P SHITTERS !!!

 

[Deleted member 27008]

hello. I don't know if you like counting days, but what day are you without PMO? Would you like to share positive changes and withdrawals you have experienced?

 

[TakeActionNow]

@Resurrection thank you for checking in. Unlike friends here who share days or struggles, I prefer to share thoughts and perspectives. That's just the way I am. Perhaps some things can be inferred between the lines I have written.

For me it's clear PMO doesn't happen in isolation. It is very much affected by
1. Things happening in my life
2. The amount of things i am occupied with and the degree of satisfaction and achievement I gather from them.

Some quick sharing:
Post PMO.
Very negative self talk. Totally uncontrollably and pervasive. Lasts about 2 weeks.
At week 2 is another barrier. There is energy arising. It can feel uncomfortable and release is desired. Once that passes we are at a better state. That state is self confidence and self reliance. That state is courage and bravery.

I'm here not just becasue I'm still battling the enemy, but I want to continue blogging my evolving thoughts to remind myself of my journey, to give some alternative insights to help friends here, and to give support as I have received them when I was starting out.

I may falter, but that's alright as long as I have helped you move forward.

 

[TakeActionNow]

NEW PERSPECTIVE : THE ENEMY

In exploring the new perspective of DEVELOPING HATE FOR THE PMO INDUSTRY, I considered 3 levels of relationship with the ENEMY.

NEWBIE : ENEMY > me
ADVANCED : ENEMY = ME
EXPERT : enemy < ME

Let me explain.
NEWBIE
As a newbie, one has little knowledge, skills and expertise to understand or counter the influences of the ENEMY. He is mostly under the influence of the enemy and has difficulty seeing/dealing with reality (Think MATRIX 1)
Characteristics:
The enemy resides within his home
He treats the enemy as a friend
He is poorly guarded against the enemy
He is mostly trying very hard to avoid triggers ( the enemy offers him)
He gives in frequently, owing to habit and continued practice
He often feels shame, regret and resignation
He does not know how or why he is suffering
He cares mainly for himself
His main defence is abstinance and avoidance. He has few or no alternatives when craving hits.
He is often harsh on himself. He rarely sees success in his life
He is alone most of the time and struggling. His life feels empty and hollow.

ADVANCE
After some battles with the enemy, he has developed some insights and experiences how and where the enemy can be countered. (Think CONSTANTINE)
Characteristics :
The enemy lives in his neighborhood.
The enemy has many faces. He recognizes the enemy sometimes.
He is somewhat guarded against the enemy.
He has some success in defending against the enemy
He has some self awareness of his unique charateristics and abilities
He has gained some knowledge either though self or others (support groups)
He has better abilities to avoid or fight back the enemy
His main defence is alternatives and replacements.
He has more choices
He cares for the people nearest to him
He spends some time developing skills and researching ways to improve his defense against the enemy.
He is moderately harsh and becoming more loving, understanding and respectable towards himself
His joy is in his occasionally wins against the enemy, and the gradual reclaiming back of his authority over his life.
He is gradually enjoying his life more.


EXPERT / HERO
After more time, this battle hardened individual has beaten the enemy more than the enemy has a hold of him (Think ARAGORN LotR)
Characteristics:
The enemy is far away, but not out of mind
The hero recognizes the enemy almost everytime and everywhere
He can see through the enemy's lies
He is well guarded against the enemy
The hero has developed confidence and experience whenever dealing with the enemy.
He has faith and awareness that he is stronger than the enemy.
The hero does not fault or blame himself for every loss. Instead, he is determined to continue the fight for as long as it takes. He aims to be virtuous and victorious one day
The hero extends himself to his community, helping others of all levels to educate and arm themselves in more ways to fight the enemy while empowering themselves.
The hero has many skills and ways against the enemy, and is constantly thinking and studing ways to beat the enemy.
His main defence is to continually strengthen himself and those around him.
He arises the community to fight the enemy together.
His joy is seeing greater success beating the enemy as well as seeing success in other parts of his life.
He is never alone.


I hope this helps you better understand where you are at and what you need to do.

 

[TakeActionNow]

RELATIONSHIPS & REALITY

Anyone who has ever been in a long term relatioship will know it is not easy.
In fact, to remain in a long term relationship happily is both hard and rare.
Even the bst of relationships have their ups and downs.
Every person is an individual and lives primarily for themselves.
That being the case, there has to be some degree of ignorance and imagination to think that P provides a ideal relationship free of disputes and disagreements.

Where does it exist in this world that we can have a relationship with someone's body and not have to deal with that person and their needs?
Even prostitutes have personality and preferences
If that world cannot exist, and we continue to pursue a belief or fantasy that it does, it only does one thing: damage our sense of reality.

Stop deluding ourselves.
Come back to reality
Come back to the real world

 

[TakeActionNow]

REFRAMING THE ENEMY

How to see the P ENEMY like the FOOD ENEMY

I am very slightly overweight, and am mindful about keeping my weight from getting out of control as it easily has in the past.
The way to maintain the weight is through running and some diet restrictions, which as we all know, takes a lot of effort.

THE ENEMY IS THE INDUSTRY
Deep Fried food
Soda Soft drinks
Fruit juice
Chocolate
Ice cream
Chips
These are some of my DANGER FOODS

I'm human.
I do like and enjoy them, but when taken in excess, my weight balloons up quickly, pants no longer fit, shirts are tight and i feel tired and lacking energy.

Having it once in a long while is probably alright
But the real danger is inviting them into my house as long term guests.

My life choices have been clean home cooked meats and vegetables in lightly oiled flavors.
It does get dull at times.
Its not as attractive or shocking or appitizing as the DANGER FOODS I mentioned above.
But its better for me.
My cholestrol levels are lower
My blood sugar levels are normal
My blood pressure levels are normal.

To combat cravings for DANGER FOODS, I
1. use more herbs and spices
2. learn more recipes
3. try to improve my cooking technique and variety.

The problem is not simply my food choices
The problem is the ENEMY industy that recognizes the brain's survival preferences and promotes these unhealthy foods for their own benefit.
These are normal healthy foods turned unhealthy due to extremes.
Once hooked,
1. normal healthy meals are no longer attractive
2. high fat and sugar diets only make the person eat more
3. its a vicious cycle of dependency and regret
4. it requires huge efforts to return to normal
5. its influences and reminders are just around the corner (supermarkets and resturaunts)
As a result, I have to be GUARDED

If you can appreciate this FOOD ENEMY, you probably can also appreciate PORN ENEMY better too.

The dull basic home life while not as attractive or appetizing as what the ENEMIES offer, are without doubt healthier and more beneficial than any ENEMY will every be.

The ability to recognize things as they are, and the dangers they pose when taken in excess, in dependency, is the path to seeing the ENEMY quickly and early so as to avoid them and not fall into their devious trap.

GUARD WELL AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES
DO NOT LET THEM INTO YOUR HOUSE.

 

[TakeActionNow]

TRUST.

long term addicts of any form have deep trust issues.
They are unable to trust others.
Why?
They are unable to trust themselves.
Why?
How does one trust oneself when time and time again one has said NO but only to relapse again?

The inability to trust, respect and discipline oneself is the path to self hate and self loathing.

So how do we set on a path towards self love and self care?
By not focusing on our intermittent human failings and focus instead on our effortful achievements.

This will top up our self worthiness credit and in time will give us the confidence to move permanently away from bad or weak habits and behaviors.

 

[TakeActionNow]

MUST UNDERSTAND SELF
MUST UNDERSTAND WHY

I get cravings, urges, desires too.
It doesn't have to be external stimulus.
I need to explore why that happens:
1. Need for self care and comfort
2. Feeling tired and drained
3. Feeling left out or let down
4. Just want to relax
In this case perhaps the best way is have a good shower and just go to bed.
Let me see if it's still there when I wake up

 

[TakeActionNow]

WHY I DONT USE DAY COUNTERS

I'm at a state where I refuse to use day counters as they are more detrimental than beneficial to me:
1. a high number is an active stressor to my endurance
2. any falter delivers more personal shame than required.
3. keeping to the counter becomes more important than understanding and treating the problem
4. the counter is a number but the problem is multi-dimensional
5. its like the higher we get the harder we fall.
6. a counter is meaningless if after so many days we still dont understand the reasons and dynamics of our choices

No, my battle with THE ENEMY is a day to day activity
THE ENEMY is always there
A high number means nothing unless I STAY GUARDED EVERY MOMENT EVERY DAY.

If i falter, i get up and keep on going forward.
I've already come so far.
To reset to 0 is meaningless to me and not reflective of the change that has already happened to me.

 

[TakeActionNow]

THE PRICE IS TOO MUCH !!!!

BENEFITS OF GIVING IN
a few minutes of pleasure (NOT JOY!)

PRICE OF GIVING IN
2 weeks negative inner voice
gained sense of weakness
lost sense of personal authority
lost sense of personal direction
lost sense of proper personal care
lost sense of inner calm and reserve power
lost sense of self awareness and understanding
lost sense of reality
lost self trust and respect
lost focus on alternative forms of self care
becoming more dependent and desperate

 

[TakeActionNow]

DISCIPLINE = SUCCESS

KEEPING DRY not only helps to maintain body chemical and hormone balance, more importantly, it reinforces personal discipline.

Discipline is the foundation of focus and ultimately, success

Without PMO, I am
1. more focused
2. more directed
3. greater intent and determination -> more fearless -> less conflict averse -> more self determined -> more self confident
4. greater sense of urgency -> less procrastination
5. greater clarity : no fantasy, imagination and uncertainty
6. hightened sense of need for improvement
7. focused on creating multiple real world pathways of success for me

These dry days I muck around less and get things done quickly
I dont care what people think about me
I just do what i believe is right and for the betterment of all

The more I do which I think is right, the better I feel about myself.

The more I do which I think is wrong (PMO), the worse I feel about myself.

Simple.

 

[TakeActionNow]

HABIT REPLACEMENT

What we have is a habit
Formal definition : "a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up."

My definition : "A familiar practice we often do automatically whenever opportunity arises."

The primary ways to counter an old habit are:
1. Have alternative practices to do instead
2. Reduce or better manage the moments when opportunity arises

So I enforce new replacement habits on myself when old undesirable ones creep up.
1. Establish tight routines that provide little free open time
2. Enforce myself to either read, YouTube, podcast or sleep when I'm resting.

So far it's been effective.

 

[TakeActionNow]

GAIN VS LOSS

Everything we try to do is based on an aim to gain
Rent a house = gain on independence
buy a house = gain on asset
buy a bigger car = gain on performance
buy an antique car = gain on classiness
Get an education = gain on knowledge

But there is not such gain in PMO
There is on deficit and loss
It's really not worth the effort

 

[TakeActionNow]

LOGIC VS EMOTIONS
DETERMINATION & DISCIPLINE

The mind considers, deliberate and plans for things
The heart only know the here and now.
It cares not for the future.
It cares only for itself.

PMO appeals to desires
It is emotional, instinctive.
But deliberation, determination and discipline are all mental efforts to reach a goal. They run counter to carnal desires.

Only determination and discipline will lead us to success and achievements

 

[TakeActionNow]

SUCCESS VS COMFORT

Success is a logical function
It requires direction, determination and discipline.
I want success.
I will not give in to comfort.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The mind is like a river
it creates thoughts and ideas all the time with little regard to purpose
like a river, it is something that cannot be control
what we can control, however, is how we respond to the thoughts the mind has generated

Therefore whenever a thought arises
recognize, it is a thought, not an instruction or imperative
ask, is it something meaningful
check, is it something appropriate to be expected
confirm, that it is something agreeable with existing principles and purposes

That way, we can make best use of our time and energy, and not be swayed all the time by our raging river of thoughts

 

[TakeActionNow]

EFFECTIVE REPLACEMENTS

PMO is usually preferred because
It's instinctive
It's pleasurable
It's fast
It's easy
It's effective (to soothe)

But it's not good because
It's addictive
it's draining
it's destructive
it's dependency
it's anti social
It's denial

Alternative replacement strategies:
1. HEALING
Sleeping, resting
Having a healthy meal

2. SELF IMPROVEMENT
Reading
exercise
Hobbies
Completing goals
self improvement activities

3. SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT
Gain joy through helping others
Improving our living environment

These are also effective, but
. Takes a much longer time to soothe
. Are harder and more effortful

Yet, the longer term impact is healthier and better because we have gained greater trust and confidence in taking better care and respect of ourselves.

This is true proper self care.