My future is awesome!


Respected Member

Ask ourselves:
What do people who DONT pmo do?

The poorer choices
Excessive computer gaming
Video binging

The better choices
1. Engaging with loved ones and pets for oxytocin and social time
2. Having a personal goal and spending time working towards it
3. Having good full routines and keeping busy
4. Focused on self care, self development, owning responsibility, having discipline and independence.
5. Focused on giving back to society.

I see the good as gains and the bad as drains.

As long as we keep building gains over drains, we would be in a better place.

The worst is to self-drain so much that we become mortally depressed, hopeless and resentful.

Take care to love ourselves properly.
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Respected Member

Many forms of abuse and addictions are practiced openly and symptoms visibly externally:
Cigarette abuse - weight loss
Drug abuse - horrible skin and teeth
Food abuse - obesity
Gambling abuse - poverty

But PMO, as a form of sexual and mental abuse, manifests mostly internally.
We can only detect it within the eyes, either preying, or down cast in lacking self confidence.

If we can see the symptoms of our abuse as obviously as, say, the morbidly abuse, will we take more proactive action to halt and restore ourselves?
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Respected Member
suffering adds and promotes suffering.

We are in this unhealthy cycle because our poor choices promotes more poor choices.

Poor self care and recovery choices means we are not properly recovered for future challenges.

Socially isolating activities will deny us of much needed help and support from our community

Avoidance behaviors mean that our responsibilities and challenges are not properly addressed, accumulates and continues to burden us.

Fantasy thinking will make us overly optimistic and lacking realistic sensibilities, opening us up to more errors of judgement.

Scott Peck's book "The road less traveled" gives us the right reasons to take up our responsibilities and own our challenges so that our lives can naturally improve.

A better life begins simply by taking charge of ourselves.

Begin by
Sleeping earlier. 10pm is ideal
Exercising every day. 30 mins
Eat healthly. Fresh greens
Study. 30 mins
Practice kind words. All the time.

We will immediately feel better about ourselves and need less of any form of abuse.


Respected Member

One of the worst side effect of PMO is self doubt.

I believe it stems from
1. Losing trust in self after saying no and then faltering
2. The biochemistry and psychological effect that sperm depletion has on the mind and body

Anyway, recoverers often feel a surge of confidence and determination.

this is critical because life achievements usually depend and require a healthy dose of self confidence.

Good promotes more good while bad promotes more bad.

A good recovery requires a constant and diligent focus on our success and achievements to build up and build on our confidence and self belief that we can do whatever we believe in.


Respected Member

P will always be appealing because sex naturally is very appealing.
But while real sex delivers relationship and social connections, P does not.

We practice PMO thinking it is like sex, yet it is not.
And because it is not, afterwards we are left feeling lost, empty and confused.

It is like buying an iphone online, receiving the iphone box delivered and opening to find it empty inside.
It is like we are hungry and we choose to chew on a plastic apple instead of going out to find real food.
Over and over
Year in and year out

P and anything associated with it:
Does not make us happier
Does not comfort us
Does not make use proud about ourselves
Does not allow us to share
Does not bring us closer to society
Does not address our problems

No wonder we are so messed up
With work
With relationship
With ourselves.

Time to see the enemy clearly.
Stop the falsehood
There is no premise of happiness or comfort
This devious man made mimic is all just empty false lies
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Respected Member

So what is it we really need to do instead?

1. See falsehood as it is
2. Build and nuture our relationship with ourselves
3. Identify better ways of self care and self achievement
4. let go of everything that cannot truly deliver
5. Focus on self development
6. Stop wasting time on features and forms impossible for us to own. Be happy developing that we do own : our body, mind and physical belongings.


Respected Member

The best thing about being on Rebootnation is the opportunity to see that
1. our challenge is not unique to us
2. there are others in simlar or worst state than us
3. everyone is at a different stage
4. the opportunity exists for us to help others

Point 4 is actually the most important.
It is well known that in times of crisis, those who help others and received help often come out better.
This isnt because our problems are less than others
but the opportunity to help others does take the attention away from ourselves
and in the process we find understanding, camaraderie and better acceptance of ourselves and whatever state we are in.
And facilitates a recovery process that is NOT alone.

I know a very kindhearted friend who helps the desolute in ways i cannot fathom myself to do.
But it is also because she herself has been in that serious state before that she can empathize their suffering so well
and as she lifts others out of their suffering slowly, she is also slowing lifting herself away from her's.
That, I feel, is what I am most grateful to Rebootnation and its community of friends for.
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Respected Member

just as our physical body can break and mend, so too can our hearts and minds.

Even though we have repeatedly hurt ourselves with unkind habits, once we are on this path of recovery now, ever so slowly we will heal ourselves with new habits and beliefs, so too will our heart, mind and spirit mend and be whole, healthy and shiny again.


Respected Member

So I am trying to lose some weight and I have been eating less across the day. It is night now, and I am watching Netflix. Instinctively, I reach for a bag of chips. And now I'm bloated and upset with myself.
Sounds similar to our common problem here?

What did I miss out?
A familiar space and I let my guard down.
The struggle of restraint only to be lost at a moment's folly.

Clearly I was ill prepared.

How to be better prepared.
1. Taper gradually
2. Anticipate challenging periods ahead
3. Reduce or remove sources of addiction
4. Top up on other healthier feel goods before the critical period
5. Have healthier alternatives ready immediately

In this sense, weight loss and cutting porn are similar in form and approach.

Just as I can't cut 2500 daily calories a day to 1000 immediately, one will be hard pressed to stop PMO immediately.

I won't take a lapse of judgement (chips) and go extra hard on punishment. Instead, I must channel the energy to find better ways to manage my diet restriction plan better.

And so too the reboot process.
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Respected Member

in a recent WIRED article on the social platform telegram, a paragraph on anti-vaccers flooding to telegram as a safe heaven after being banned on mainstream social media platforms made me think about our human instincts to defy.

Our mind and intentions are the authority.
Our emotion and habits, the rebellion.

Why does our body defy our good intentions to reboot?
1. Lack of planning and preperation
2. Too sudden change
3. Lack of proper motivation
4. Denial of issue and consequence
5. No suitable replacement or alternatives

How to facilitate change?
1. Frequent study of informational material
2. Frequent study of risk
3. Be better prepared for risky situations
4. Avoid risky places
5. Taking ownership of personal wellbeing
6. Willingness to try or explore (alternatives)

What practices that work for Covid can possibly also work for PMO management.
The fundamentals are generally the same.



Respected Member

I've held the opinion that our situation isn't so much the material that's available for our addiction but the way we deal with life's challenges.
And most of my friends here, including myself, are here because of the big 3 : Stress; Boredom, Loneliness
I have an extroverted and energetic personality. I like dramatics, and that has led me to both desirable and undesirable outcomes.

This article summarizes some important points for me
  1. I am not abnormal. that everyone has some challenges
  2. non-addicts aren't necessarily happier and having a better life than i can be
  3. learning how others live helps me with more choices and options
  4. instinctive depression recovery is a vicious cycle as one gets overly analytical to find solutions but ends up getting sucked into rumination. Best is just get up and get on with it.
Our recovery is at hand. Best just get on with it !

Interesting Quotes
  1. Ruminating – lingering over problems like a cow chewing cud – was linked to the depression and anxiety";
  2. not everyone responds to stress the way I do
  3. Why is it that, after what psychologists call an ‘adverse event’, I have a near-irresistible urge to wallow and curl into myself, while the temperamentally blessed deploy their emotional stabilisers and sail on blithely?
  4. By age 32, more than 40 per cent of the study participants had had at least one episode of depression, while nearly 50 per cent had suffered from anxiety ... In the turbulent years leading up to middle age, 83 per cent had suffered from either short-lived or longer-lasting mental disorders. ‘Experiencing these conditions is actually the norm,’ Schaefer says. ‘It’s kind of weird not to.’
  5. people who enjoyed enduring mental health weren’t unusually rich, physically healthy or intelligent.
  6. the temperamentally blessed members of the Dunedin cohort ‘embrace life, get active, and get involved, but when bad things happen they don’t over-react. They really just remain calm and get on with it,
  7. They manage stress, it appears, by not focusing intently on their problems, and also by surrounding themselves with supportive others. ‘They like being with people, and they reach out to build a social network.
  8. steady and dependable, not touchy or thin-skinned. They don’t often quarrel. They are pretty tolerant of other people in their lives.’
  9. Children who have more friends at an early age are less likely to experience an episode of mental illness as adults
  10. dense web of communal ties; a live-and-let-live attitude; Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT);
  11. depression and anxiety ... screaming neon warnings that there are urgent problems in your life that you need to address.
  12. depressed people’s thinking style is highly analytical (in other words, obsessive), they incisively evaluate the pros and cons of potential solutions
  13. The temperamentally blessed seem unusually immune to circumstance; either they do not feel the sting of defeat as acutely, or they have found reliable ways to blunt it.
  14. being temperamentally blessed is not the same as being happy in a deeper sense, and they don’t score much higher on life-satisfaction scales than those who are not as blessed
  15. not all pathology is productive. And while I’m grateful to have broadened my capacity for intimacy and empathy, I don’t want to keep flagellating myself with lessons I’ve already learned ( dont keep harming ourselves over lapses !!!)
  16. work with people whose losses far outweighed my own to help put my own loss in perspective... retain a sense of agency and made a meaningful contribution
  17. that mental disorders are exceedingly common and often transient, a finding he hopes will reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness.


Respected Member

Also from Aeon, an excellent article that reminds us reasons and ways to keep from lapses.
  • lack of restraint harms self and others
  • take action early to prevent future mishaps
  • Ulysses contract is a freely made decision that is designed and intended to bind oneself in the future.
  • temptations now are incredibly powerful
  • self restrain is a muscle than can be developed, by cooling desires when temptation strikes through creating a barrier:
    • reframe the urge or
    • divert the attention
  • brute willpower is a failing strategy
  • forge a distance from our lesser desires


Respected Member

A SUCCESSFUL reboot only partially relates with PMO and PIED.
A successful reboot is about restoring joy, happiness and relations with normal, natural daily life.

The main relationship PIED has with PMO, is that PIED is one of many negative consequence from PMO induced chronic depression.

Stopping PMO is only 1 part of the solution.
The more important process is getting back on track with normal living, and enjoying it.
This will take time, effort and adaption.
It is real world interactions like good human relationships, happiness with society, happiness with personal effort and achievements, that truly bring about restoration.

Unless limited by physical impairments, ED will recover due to an improved outlook and positivity in life.
E essentially is a function of confidence and optimism.

No pmo BUT without restoration of real world experiences MAY NOT lead to ED recovery!
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Respected Member

Imagine a child who eats a wide variety of food that uses little or no salt.
At every meal he enjoys different natural flavors and textures.
He is healthy and happy.

And then he was introduced to potato chips. Its high fat high salt and loaded carbs were too great for him to reject.
Little by little normal foods got boring. Little by little he replaced normal food for chips until all he ate were chips.

In the beginning it was fine, but as the years go by things got worse.
His mouth bleeds and hurts.
He has tooth decay and gingivitis.
His body weakened, his mind dull.
He is nutrition deficient.
He is often sick.
He has little interest and drive.
Yet he does not change his diet. He was addicted to chips.

Food was always the same dull overly fatty salty dry crunch.
There is no more joy in everything. General life become depressing.
He experiences weakness (aka pied)

Stopping chips is only the beginning. (Refuse)
Not eating anything doesn't help. He must make healthy natural food choices. (Replace)

Restoration only happens when
1. He returns to normal natural food, give sufficient time for his body to absorb the nutrients and recover (restore)
2. He takes time to engage with his new healthier choices and in time develop keen interest and enjoyment in them. (Resurrect)

If craving should still occur, that means replacement and restoration strategies may still be inadequate, or are not strong enough.

Reboot process:
1. Refuse (pmo)
2. Replace (real world activities)
3. Restore (wonder and joy)
4. Resurrect (spirit and happiness)
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Respected Member

If we were given $1M will we learn the importance of money?
Will we learn to treasure our belongings?
Will we learn to cope when things are tight?
Will we learn to adapt with alternatives?

No we won't.

All the same, PMO robs us of all these important lessons and opportunities.

We won't learn how to handle stress
We won't learn the importance of relationships
We won't know how else to self soothe
We won't learn moderation
We won't learn how to be happy and grateful for what we have


Respected Member
To REBOOT and RETURN to norm, one needs to
2. REPLACE P time and P habit with other healthier hobbies or habits
4. RESURRECT our ROLE as a REAL man. Strong, dignified and courageous.

One way that helped me alot is to see P and all it's affiliates as the ENEMY.

Their sole purpose of existence is for their own benefit at the cost of our DAMAGE and DETRIMENT. Once I started to see all of them as HARMFUL, I quickly lose interest and move on.


Respected Member

I think I and we are in this P PITY PARTY because we
1. Don't know ourselves well
2. Don't know what truly matters
3. Don't do what needs to be done
Getting back is actually not difficult. It is to remember what were the conditions that made us happy in the past, and get back to that, no matter how difficult.
That's goals
That's effort
That leads to achievements.
The reality is that "only struggle leads to rewards"
To P and give up struggling is to give up real rewards.

P is the easiest way out of our emotional discomforts.
Not only does it not solve any of our real world problems, it adds a ton of its own problems.

It is THE ENEMY to my happiness
Their performers are peddlers of persistent pain.
Pain of never getting
Pain of never enough

Learning to see these poisonous people as who they are is the first step to REFUSING to associate anymore with them.


Respected Member

in P we learnt to vie people as objects.

Their body represents 80% of their person while their personality 20%, and their reality 100% of whatever imagination we impose on them.

This is of course completely messed up.

Learning this useless pattern, we erroneously apply to the people in our real lives:
A. False perceptions
B. Inaccurate understanding
As a result, we often get relationships wrong and feel unsuccessful.

Remember, the P industry perpetuates wrong behaviors.

The more messed up we are, the more we depend on vice industries to maintain our faulty perceptions.
This also extends to alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, drugs, gambling and even gaming and social media.


Respected Member

one interesting aspect coming out of the P haze is a reduction of resistance and a peaceful welcoming of change and opportunity.

Addiction persists because we want to hold on to certain beliefs, often contrary to reality. Coming out of addiction relaxes our guard and helps us to see opportunities better.
There are less ideals, standards and expectations to upload.

Life is full of wonderful change, so why do we hold on to old outdated ways, beliefs and behaviors that prevent us from growing and experiencing?


Respected Member

one of the nicest things to come out of this is a reduction of needs
Needs to avoid
Needs to escape
Needs to release
Needs to seperate
Needs to be secretive
Needs to be comforted
Needs to be appreciated
Needs to be acknowledged
Needs for perfection
Needs for space

It's good to be no longer needy
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