My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

SELF SABOTAGE

I'm many times more negative than positive.
So many times I've negatively thought myself out of a good thing, be it relationships or work or whataever.

So I'm working on why this is happening.

Why self sabotage?
Perspective is EVERYTHING
A good thing thought wrong can make it bad.
I'm thinking have I been having too many wrong perspectives, thus doing things that are self sabotaging?

Like, why sneak a peek when I'm months ahead?
What benefits does that give me except put me at greater risk of faltering?
Self sabotage.

Why?
Is it Pride? ego? Stupidity?
No. It's plain and simple self sabotaging so that I WILL falter,
So that I WILL become weak and needy again
So that I WILL become dependent again.
Like I have some messed up code that tells me that to be weak and dependent is good. How fucked up is that?

It's fucked up if I somehow believed that getting outside attention is more important that inner strength.
Learned weakness.

I know it's scary to be on my own. When things are uncertain.

But to give up the reality of life, where things ARE uncertain, is plain stupid.
I'm running away from responsibility.

Responsibility of myself.

Things are not as bad as I make them out to be.
I dont need to self sabotage me to make my life worse.
I don't need pity and weakness.
I don't need to win at everything
I won't live pass 100 years.

But I can make my life better by just seeing things as they are.

Stop self sabotaging.

 

[TakeActionNow]

BROADER ABSTINENCE REASONS

I DONT WANT:
1. to promote thinking and beliefs that are contrary to reality
Stop imagining and start seeing

2. to pile all of my happiness and comfort on only one source, and suffer endlessly during the hours away from that one source
Happiness can come more EVERY MOMENT of my life

3. to screw up my sense of self when relating with others because this habit that doesn't reciprocate relationships fucks up my perception of relationships.
I have my values and I will live and die by them.

4. to be so self centered, always focusing on my own needs and wants.
Helping myself comes from helping others

5. instant gratification, like how P and e-games make you believe that every desire or intention can happen immediately.
I need more patience and acceptance.

I WANT:
1. the motivation and drive to get what i want
2. the focus to get what i want
3. the tolerance and determination to overcome difficulties and discomfort

I KNOW P
1. removes drive and motivation
2. makes me lethargic and unwilling
3. makes me distracted and unfocused

 

[TakeActionNow]

EMOTIONAL ENTANGLEMENT / HACKING

Addictions are difficult to overcome because it is closely linked to emotions
Unlike congition, which is mostly about rationalizing, Emotions form drive and energy to get something
So it is always easier to let go of something you dont like ( rationalizing ) vs one that you do ( feeling )

One way to hack it is to compound rationalizing with emotions :
Verbalize :
i like ...
i want ...
this is good for me ...
for the difficult things in our lives instead of letting our unintelligent emotions lead us amock.

For example, I've learnt of severe eczema sufferers
they need to apply paraffin oils on their bodies several times a day to keep the skin moisturized
It is like apply a thick layer of sticky wax on your body on hot humid summer days.
it is a very uncomfortable feeling to be thick and sticky all day long
but if they don't, their skin will crack and itch and be infected
so they learn to verbalize to themselves until they believe it to be true:
i love paraffin oil
i love how it protects my skin
i love that i can go out and do things
i love how it reduces my discomfort
i love it
i love it


Hack that which we dislike so that we can view it intelligently and beneficially instead

 

[TakeActionNow]

Neuroticism and Letting Go

I'm probably neurotic, giving my excessive thinking and negativity.
Hence probably my dependency on PMO to feel better.

But PMO is founded on fantasy.
Fantasy about a relationship
Fantasy about our attributes
Fantasy about reality

So going back to the start requires
1. reacquainting with reality
2. Handling the negative impulses
3. staying focus on my life mission

Figuring out the why is helpful.

I can recognize now the fantasy delusion that P promotes and is able to seperate myself from whatever fantasy I used to create when viewing P.

I have also now set up some CBT and DBT to catch and counter the negative thinkings that generally promote
1. Anxiety and fear
2. Anger and resentment
3. Deviation from my intended mission

With greater clarity of mind I can now see reality better:
1. We are all flawed. I don't have to be perfect. I just need to keep self improving.

2. Things are not as bad as I make them to be. Generically there is difference in opinion and the world. If it cannot be, so be it. I just have to be honest with myself.

3. Letting go.
This is most important.
Let go of wrong concepts and perceptions
Let go of unhappiness and discomfort
Let go of negativity
Let go of dependency
Let go of perfectionism
Let go of fantasy

The here and now is actually quite good as long as we make the effort to see the good in everything.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I'm beginning to think that
Depression & ED
Are not simply a function of PMO overdose and dopamine hacking.

It's actually more from a lack of general real life happiness. It's not that we don't have them. It's more I like we can't see, recognize and acknowledge them. We end up perceiving we have none when we might have plenty.

Why?
PMO is so central that no other real life exchange can compete.
This is why it's an addiction.
Overwhelming dependency on one source, neglecting all else.

When we lose the ability recognize and gain happiness through simply daily life experiences, and when PMO is a fake experience, we end up running on empty, devoid of feeling truly happy, for many many years.

ED and depression are the result of a lack in real world happiness recognition.

Leaving PMO allows real world happiness to gradually be recognized and seep into our lives.

In time we will find more happiness than PMO, because PMO is virtual and false.

In time ED and depression will leave us because we sense more overall happiness that is real and relatable.

 

[Percival]

because we have more overall happiness that is real and relatable.

I think you're right; this journey starts out at "I don't want to look at porn any more" but becomes a journey to increase your quality of life and just generally become a better man or woman. Lots of small decisions that add up to a better you.

 

[TakeActionNow]

FAKE AND SELF SERVING

the further I am away from PMO, the more I recognize:

1. The "beautiful people" I used to PMO to are really fake and self serving.

2. Why on earth am I valuing looks more that anything else? Surely a kind and helpful person is infinitely better than a fake pretentious one.

3. Just as any good looking guy won't care for all the girls he meets, neither will all beautiful woman care for me. Bottom line is each person only cares for themselves, so why keep lying to ourselves that the universe loves us? Get real.

4. Another description of addiction:
A persistent fog that clouds our judgement and makes us believe that it is better than anything else, that it is worth it, that only it can satiate us, so much so that our perception and emotions becomes warped and binded to it like a slave or hostage.
Whatever we pretend it to be, it is not real.

 

[TakeActionNow]

because we have more overall happiness that is real and relatable.

I think you're right; this journey starts out at "I don't want to look at porn any more" but becomes a journey to increase your quality of life and just generally become a better man or woman. Lots of small decisions that add up to a better you.

@Percival
Yup
PMO denies us the impetus to look honestly and deeply at our challenges and face them.

But it is exactly this facing up and overcoming that gives us real joy, satisfaction and improvement in life.
This is what truly energizes us.

 

[TakeActionNow]

INDEPENDENCE

Freedom from PMO addiction is not simply freedom from hostage, it signals
Freedom of time
Freedom of focus
Freedom of will

And importantly,
Independence of emotion
Independence of opinion
Independence of values

One becomes stronger emotional, because we start to take better self care
One becomes stronger in opinion, because we seek less of external acceptance
One becomes stronger in purpose and values, because we find more strength in ourselves.

 

[TakeActionNow]

BALANCE

Addiction to PMO is like a heavy gold bar weight held by an outstretched arm:
1. The arm is in pain
2. The person is in pain
3. The person is struggling to stand straight without falling forward
4. The person's entire focus is on managing the weight
5. This person can never find joy becasue he can't let go of the weight and find joy elsewhere.

There is nothing good about this situation.

A person needs to be balanced and centered.
There should never be a focus in his life so demanding that all else are either insignificant or unworthy.

To stand centered means
1. The core is heavy and secure
2. Forces from all around work together to keep the center intact
3. The person is stable and impervious to enternal push or pull

Translation:
1. This person has a healthy variety of interests that engage him
2. This person has a healthy variety of relationships that sustain him
3. His interests and relationships promotes strengthening his core.
4. This person knows himself well and has strong self belief.

Never put ourselves in imbalance due to over reliance of any 1 source (PMO). The price is too heavy. The outcome assured insecurity.

Be surrounded
Be centered
Be stable

 

[TakeActionNow]

UNADDICTED

what is unaddiction?
Less to no interest to the addictive source

Why?
The "joy" the source provides is not attractive anymore

Why?
1. Alternative more "interesting" source(s) exists
2. The initial root driver towards the source is gone
3. The realization that joy derived from the source is false
4. The realization that the nature of the source is false
5. The realization that internal opinions regarding the source is incorrect


Lately I realized the "joys" I once derived from PMO no longer exists
1. I see all the internet "pretty people" as fakes, attention seeking and self serving and are no longer interested in them
2. I see pretty people on the street and think that a realistic relationship with them is completely unlikely and I become uninterest in them
3. I am gaining greater joy and happiness from within myself via personal efforts and achievements
4. I am getting happiness from more diverse sources
5. The bond with my child is getting stronger day by day and I am happier here
6. With greater distance from the cloud of delusion addiction creates, greater reality clarity ensues, and it becomes easier and easier to find joy in reality and see falsehood in addiction.
7. With less brain drain in addiction comes greater real world dopaminergic relations which is crucial for its positive motivational effect.
Higher dopamine levels ->
higher motivational drive ->
more positive outcomes ->
more overall positivities ->
reduced need for addictive activities to feel good about self
8. The risks relating with engaging of any unhealthy behavior is far higher in terms of the the price I would pay for destroying the current state of my real life
9. My life outlook has changed.
Instead of looking for outcome (O), I look for striving (constant effort and continual improvements)
10. I'm progressively more independent emotionally, cognitively, physically and financially and so have less social and relational needs.
11. I want to invest more in future benefits than satiating the immediate now.
12. I have somehow become more relationally more balanced and less self centered

 

[TakeActionNow]

LEVELS OF DE-ADDICTION

Level 1
1. Struggling to withdraw
2. Brain still have many supportive arguments for addictive behavior
3. Addiction fog clouds and blinds judgement significantly
4. Alternative replacements are few to none
5. Emotionally dependent

Level 2
1. Several successful periods of withdrawal. Relapse is frequent
2. More anti addiction arguments are forming
3. More replacement activities are forming
4. Gradual emotional strengthening

Level 3
1. Withdrawal periods are very long. Relapse few and far in-between
2. Brain has many anti addiction arguments
3. Little addition fog influences. Can see reality mostly
4. Wide sources of feel good activities with emphasis on longer term benefits. Not necessarily easy or self centered but more socially beneficial.
5. Strong emotional base. Less to no external dependency


Happy to report I'm at level 3 now. Nothing to celebrate because I may slip to level 2 anytime, so must keep moving forward.

I love me and want to take better care of me.

 

[TakeActionNow]

NATURE OF ADDICTION

addiction in reality is simply dysfunctional self care.
It doesn't have to be P
For drugs, food, sex, smoke gambling etc addictions, it's all about finding a wrong simple easy highly dopaminergic activity to temporarily distract a real world issue.

Distract becasue healing has not happened.

True healing is about addressing and finding solutions that solve the problem directly.

It's not that you are sex addicted.
It's not that you are fearful, high strung, anxious, stressed etc.
It's just that you have some problems but you have not yet faced them.

 

[TakeActionNow]

A very good video to focus on effort rather than results (which is what PMO is mostly about)

 

[TakeActionNow]

DEPENDENCY IS HURTFUL

dependency on PMO for healing is damaging and hurtful.

Similarly, dependency on someone else to make me feel good about myself is also damaging

Folks here recovering from sex/porn/masterbation addiction should know that
1. They are dependent
2. Something within is damaged.

With healing of the damage should come the falling away of dependency.

Recognizing that the dependency is not healing the damage would also aid in the falling away of dependency.

I don't know what are the reasons of your damage that lead to your dependency on porn for healing.

I started at 13 and I can only guess that the absence of my father at that time could be one reason I was trying to heal from lacking love and attention.

School and poor grades could be another reason I didn't feel good about myself.

And then this bandage become bondage and I've never really healed properly since then.

Dependencies can be very damaging.

Healing, self love and care, is often about independence.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I now recognize that the problem has always been me, and I don't yet know how to deal with it.

But realizing the problem (question) is the first step towards a solution.

Let's go

 

[Blondie]

Yes, your greatest enemy is the man you see in the mirror. Fortunately, everyday we're given the choice to be the man we want to see reflected back to us.

Best

 

[TakeActionNow]

Yes, your greatest enemy is the man you see in the mirror. Fortunately, everyday we're given the choice to be the man we want to see reflected back to us.

Best

@Blondie thank you for affirming. All ours answers already lie within us. Just have to peel back the decades of cover to find them

 

[TakeActionNow]

THE PATH IS EFFORT

There usually are precursors before one becomes addicted to vice.
Generally one has an unchallenging, unmanaged or overly stressful life.
This leads to an unsatisfactory or boring life. Self esteem is low such that the introduction of vice gives new (and full) meaning to life.

Unfortunately this distraction became the main focus and leads to a new problem, that of reduced involvement with real life.

Real life actually is a source of many great things, most importantly it presents many opportunities to make effect, acheive, and be happy about one self.

But addictions (drug/porn/gambling) can be so overwhelming that
1. It becomes the only source of happiness
2. The addict learns NOT to derive happiness in day to day life
3. The addict even learns not to derive happiness from gifts and generosity of others.
4. The addict becomes lazy, dependent and delusional.

Eventually even the vice does not satiate any more.

One can eat sand thinking it's cake to fill his stomach, but he will continue to lose weight and eventually starve.

We are left with a person who
1. Has no happiness
2. Has no interests
3. Has no ambition
4. Has no skills
5. Only cares for himself
He cannot derive any joy from anything he does. He has little about himself to be proud of. He is hollow and depressed.

Just as any living creature must hunt to feed itself, the core principle of any lifeform is effort.

The process to recovery is thus
1. Reduce and halt all exposure to the vice, so that it not longer remains the main source of interest and focus
2. Keep oneself busy so that there is more opportunities for effort to produce satisfaction.
3. Continue to journal and recognize multiple other forms and sources of happiness.
4. Correct one's thinking and become one with the world.

The point here is
1. It's not about watching P
2. It's not about MO
It's all about finding things to do and becoming happy and proud about self through effort.

Don't be bored
Don't be lazy
These are dangerous behaviours.

Keep busy.
Keep doing
Keep being proud about effort and self achievements

The more we like love and respect ourselves for our efforts and achievements, the more vice will be rejected becasue we recognize it only serves to hurt and destroy us.

 

[TakeActionNow]

FLAWED RATIONALS

Some flawed rational and internal dialogues we have that prompted us to lapse

1. I need to feel good.
Yes we can do with feeling good. But need to? We don't "need to" if we already constantly are. How? By recognizing our continuous effort and acheivements across the day.

2. I do this to rest and relax.
No. Rest and relax is rest and relax. Learn the right techniques.
Rest.
Relax.

3. I deserve this
Why? Why is this an outcome. How so?
My reward for studies is intelligence
My reward for work is improvement
My reward for exercise is fitness
My reward for kindness is relationship
Vice has no relationship
It has only self centered intent

4. I'm bored.
Honestly, there are other better things to do. Read a book. Go for a walk. Enjoy the surroundings etc


Any addiction hijacks the emotions and takes the person hostage, whether they realize it or not.

We become incapacitated from taking care of ourselves , at the mercy of a bondaged emotions , like a ship without a rudder in choppy seas.


Do not do easy
Easy makes us weak and complacent
It's a very bad place.