My Turn to Start 10 July 2017

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ADDICTION IS THE DUNGEON WE CREATE AND KEEP OURSELVES IN.

addiction begins innocently enough
Avoidance of pain, difficulty, discomfort makes pleasure attractive and draws us to drugs, substance, games, gambling. Anything to delay and deny.

The pleasure then turns sinister, taking a hold on us and become domineering.

When once we can derive joy from effort and achievement, now nothing is more meaningful than the vice.

To protect the right to these "pleasures" we slowly close ourselves in, refusing more and more to partake with society and reality.

When once our mind lives in a glass house where sunlight shines brightly in, with addiction we cover the glass with curtains. On the mental floor where once there were delightful books and building blocks, we cleared them and layer with old tattered magazines and corrupt digital media.

Now the room is dark
Now the room smells.
No one can come in. No love. No laughter.
In a dirty corner we huddle, seeking new fixes and remembering past pleasures.

Living in this state we become guarded and defensive.
We stop growing and regress.
We have no ambition, and nothing to look forward to.
We become pessimistic and negative.
In this dark room we care only about ourselves. We become selfish and self centered. It's no wonder we are unattractive to others and ourselves.
It's no wonder we are miserable.

Such is the slippery slope of addiction.

Recovery is simple and direct.
Clear all the junk from the room and replace with flowers, books, pets.
Tear away the curtains and let in the light of reality
Open the doors to love and friendship can enter again
Exit the house and embrace the world.

Leave the dungeon mind of the addict.
Renew the mind of a person free of bondange to self gratification.
Become once again a person living and learning.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
BEING PRESENT

The nicest and most important aspect of being addiction free is being present.

When addicted, one can hardly be present.
I was thinking of what's next.
I was wishing to be somewhere else
I was "running away"
The only time I was present was when it involved women.
Then I was hyper present, hyper vigilent

Either way, being hyper and hypo present were not good.

With liberation comes attention
With attention comes present.

I am not thinking of what's next
I am not thinking of getting away.
Instead I am appreciating the moment.
I am thinking how to improve the moment.
I am present.
Everything now is good.
I am here.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ADDICTION ATTENTION

much of addiction's side effect is attention.

Addiction demands our attention
Under it's bondage we give our fullest attention to it
Therefore we have little attention to ourselves
We have little attention to those that matter to us
We also have little attention returned to us, because addiction's attention never reciprocates.

Living in mismanaged attention,
We give it away carelessly
Yet we are desperate for it
We become needy and demanding, edgy and unbalanced.

Attention. Gotta surf the net
Attention. Gotta get intimate
Attention. Gotta get off
Gotta gotta gotta...

Fortunately, with distance, attention gradually returns to our owneship.
We become independent again.
I no longer care if others will give me the time of day
It doesn't bother me if they want to or not.
Giving proper attention to myself, I am clearer now about what I really need, what is important and beneficial to me, and what would make me feel good about myself.

So pretty people are suddenly not demanding my attention anymore, because their lives are completely irrelevant to mine.

Getting off is not important anymore, because there are many other things that are better and happier for me to do.

Perhaps my son's honest love and acceptance is a big reason for my liberation.
Perhaps things seem safe for the moment is another.

Most importantly, I currently have ownership of where my attention is going to.

And it's not going to this addiction.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
KEEP IT SIMPLE.
3 BIG 3s

3 FOCUS:
1. Career. Source of funds and accomplishments
2. Family. Source of love and attention
3. Self. Care and attention.

NO BOREDOM:
1. Make effort constantly
2. Seek personal improvement
3. Planning and look ahead

NO PESSIMISM:
1. Make effort constantly
2. Recognize and gratitude
3. Journal
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
DELUSIONAL EFFECTS OF ADDICTION

1. Virtual relationship are meaningful and real
2. Virtual life/love solves real world problems
3. Makes us feel attractive and desirable to many
4. Overly optimistic that things will turn out well without much personal effort
5. Others will take care of us

RECOVERY

The biggest help from recovery is a recognition that all porn people and relationships are fake. There is no reality whatsoever.
It's like a sudden clarity that we have been eating PLASTIC for decades instead of real food.
When we wake up from the addiction zombieland, it gets unattractive immediately.

Recovery
1. Helps me to become more positive
2. Helps me to become more present
3. Helps me to see things clearly
4. Helps me to solve things quickly
5. Helps me find more avenues to be happy and real
6. Reduce the extent that sex and relationships are a main purpose and priority
7. Improves self awareness and self care.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why we probably got into addiction
1. Esteem issues
2. Stress
3. Overwhelming challenges
4. Fear
5. Little help or direction growing up

How porn baits us
1. Boosting ego
2. Overwhelming feel good
3. Relax and let go
4. Perfect and idealistic

How porn destroys us
1. Full dependency on it to feel good
2. Not worth making effort elsewhere
3. Seperates us from society and reality
4. Turns us fearful, pessimistic and overly negative
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
If
1. gamblers are overly optimistic on their luck
2. Overweight people are overly optimistic of the amount of calories they are consuming
3. Junkies are overly optimistic about quiting
What are PMO addicts overly optimistic about?
Relationships.

If a pretty face can define the entirety of a relationship, then that is very naive.

Relationships are deeper and more rewarding.
Focusing only on looks and feel good will only rob me of understanding real relationships.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Life as it is has its ups and downs.

I don't know why but I'm feeling very down today.

Perhaps feeling I've failed my family through some family discussion
Perhaps feeling lonely and unloved
Perhaps feeling bleak about the future again.
Tried some gym but completely unmotivated.

I don't know what's the reason.
I just know I feel down.

I'm taking care of myself now through healthier means.
A little more quiet and rest time.

Went to see top gun.
It's a good show. Brings back good memories. Hats off to Tom for pulling off so many hits decade after decade. Good'o Ed 'The Rock' Harris. Sad to see Val Kilmer old and sick. They all seemed like old friends to me now.
Take away from the movie?
Don't let the people who believed in me down.

I'm taking healthier recovery methods now.
I hope I can bounce back up again sooner.
I'm not using old ways.
I'm gonna take better care of myself now.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The weather was nice and cooling today. Had a friend look me up in the morning and we chatted way for 2 hrs about our friends and ideas.
I went home and ended up taking a 3 hr nap. That helped alot to calm me down and be more settled.

I'm still a bit down but I can tell it's not as bad as yesterday.
I can feel a bit more energy and determination. Yesterday was simply not wanting to do anything.

Understanding and addressing these mood cycles is good.
Rest was the correct recovery.
Old ways ware clearly unhelpful, like adding oil when what was needed is simply rest.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
BOREDOM IS BENEFICIAL.

Boredom helps to calm down and see clearly so issues can be identified and correct measures taken.

In the past, old ways was like adding oil to fire. The mind and body were not allowed to rest, not allowed to address.

The Old way feels like rest but it is not.
It's like taking a sleeping pill.
You sleep, but it's not restful.
It's like eating chips for lunch and dinner.
You're fed but it doesn't feel good.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
WHAT STANDARDS ACCOMPLISHMENT?

to orgasm is to complete
And in completion is accomplishment

So part of this addiction is the desire for achievements. But why?

1. Too high standards from social media and gaming?
2. Relentless competition in schools?
3. Lack of self recognition?
4. Mundane daily accomplishments not comparative to idealistic ones?

Addiction highs are overwhelming.
Thus addiction created standards are overwhelming too.
It's impossible for mundane events to compete with addiction events.
So without addiction events, life becomes viewed as completely unsuccessful.

Which is of course wrong.

I need to recognize my daily achievements as being as good as it gets. It's good enough.

Setting myself with impossible addiction standards only serve to draw me back to addiction, and failure.

I sent my wife to work and she was happy.
I chat and made my friend happy.
My friend helped get my cert for me. I'm happy.
I got a good afternoon nap. I'm happy
I cooked a nice dinner. I'm happy
I had a nice evening with the family. I'm happy.

Don't let the negatives get me down
Don't be too focused on solving problems and missing out each daycs gifts.
There are many little acheivements across the day. They collectively are bigger, real and better than a singular addiction high can be.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ANALOGY: ABUSIVE PARTNER

This relationship with addiction is like one with an abusive partner who is very pretty but very damaged.

1. They only take and take but never give
2. They do not care about your well-being
3. They are attention seeking and demand your undivided attention all the time
4. They seemed exclusively yours, make you feel special and unique and entitled, but in fact you are not and they are always sleeping around
5. They hurt you when you withhold (withdrawal symptoms)

These are effects we feel when we crave their comfort, are bored, want to support our own makeup beliefs, or are recovering (withdrawal symptoms),

We are so caught up with wanting to be with something so visually enticing that we ignore the heavy price it entails.

RECOVERY IS FREEDOM

You really feel free
No more burdens of attachment
Able to see things as they are with influence of objectivity

Able to find good in many little things
Able to find opportunity in many little ways
Able to do as you wish
Able to be you.

Why keep going back to someone who hurts?
Who make ourselves passive and submissive?
Why make ourselves dependent and not rely on ourselves?

I want to be free
I want to give myself the gift of freedom and liberty
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The hurt we feel is often the result of the beliefs we subject ourselves to.

Must be this way
Can only be like this
That's impossible

We create barriers to defend our beliefs, to feel safe

But the liberated mind is generally more open. It is comfortable in it's own space and is focused on its own growth

Dependency is bondage
Narrow mindedness is bondage
Reclusive is bondage

Be free
Be free
Be free
 
BOREDOM IS BENEFICIAL.

Boredom helps to calm down and see clearly so issues can be identified and correct measures taken.

In the past, old ways was like adding oil to fire. The mind and body were not allowed to rest, not allowed to address.

The Old way feels like rest but it is not.
It's like taking a sleeping pill.
You sleep, but it's not restful.
It's like eating chips for lunch and dinner.
You're fed but it doesn't feel good.
All too true. Despite avoiding PMO, internet addiction still runs rampant for me. It's important to remember the value of boredom and allowing oneself to be bored to get rest and perspective.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Recovery planning is such an important life skill
What to do when i
1. Feel depressed
2. Am bored
3. Am scared
4. Am stressed
Etc

Instead of the old (ONE) way, there are many better and more effective recovery ways

1. Rest and sleep
2. Eat healthy
3. Exercise
4. Confide in a close friend
5. Keep busy
6. Help others
7. Plan ahead
Etc...
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
All too true. Despite avoiding PMO, internet addiction still runs rampant for me. It's important to remember the value of boredom and allowing oneself to be bored to get rest and perspective.

@PrometheusUnbound
Something happened to me.
A major perspective change.
1. I acknowledge I received a lot of help (but I had to seek them out)
2. I had someone I can vent to and get good advice
3. I stopped being opinionated about others and focused on myself (letting go)
4. I recognized the attention and gifts others gave to me.
5. But most importantly I also helped myself and took better self care.

A few things interesting about internet and social media:
1. There's an awful lot more 'pretty' people available than before.. somehow this surplus made me feel they are all not individually unique and special anymore
2. Those fake and pretend tiktokers drove home another major social media quality... They are mostly fake and pretending.
3. Those unattractive to us also showed the reality that both pretty and unattractive people are the same. We are all humans with imperfections. So why glamorize or idolize the few who looked better? They will all grow old and grey like the rest of us. Beauty is not perpetual and not worth holding on to. Effort, goodness and kindness on the other hand are.

These facts:
1. They are not special
2. They are fake and pretending
3. We are all the same
Helped me alot to turn away from social media completely. I would put porn videos, cam, and images all under the same social media category.

Perspective change is so important when it comes to recovery. Seeing things clearly is vital to disassociation.

Don't be in the cult anymore
Don't be under the influence anymore
Escape from the addiction jail / warzone and go live on green grass paradise.
Why go back when the here and now is so much better and real.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
As recovery proceeds, more new ideas and considerations are becoming apparent to me.

But they are fleeting and hard to grasp at. Most importantly is how to live the remainder of my life as i would like to be.

Some important points.
1. Be a father my son would be proud to have
2. Be a kind and supportive husband
3. Be a kind and empathatic son and brother
4. Be my own boss so that I can decide for myself what to do

As people get older they become more rooted and stubborn. I don't want to be like that. I want to be open minded, try new things and be able to enjoy changes that is natural in life.

I want to be able to help others and yet not be burdened by bureaucracy.

I have been lost for several decades.
Now that the chains that bind me are finally coming loose, I need to find myself again and walk the path I was meant to.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The right path comes from asking the right questions.

This addiction has kept me in a locked mental room for a very long time. Coming out has not been easy.
What should I do.
Where to go.
I can't fully answer them.

The false sense of security addiction brings is thick and cumbersome. I need to ask myself these questions everyday to begin to see clearly.
 
As recovery proceeds, more new ideas and considerations are becoming apparent to me.

But they are fleeting and hard to grasp at. Most importantly is how to live the remainder of my life as i would like to be.

Some important points.
1. Be a father my son would be proud to have
2. Be a kind and supportive husband
3. Be a kind and empathatic son and brother
4. Be my own boss so that I can decide for myself what to do

As people get older they become more rooted and stubborn. I don't want to be like that. I want to be open minded, try new things and be able to enjoy changes that is natural in life.

I want to be able to help others and yet not be burdened by bureaucracy.

I have been lost for several decades.
Now that the chains that bind me are finally coming loose, I need to find myself again and walk the path I was meant to.
I'm definitely on board with this!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I wonder how much of my stress, anxiety, social need and world views are real and how much were distorted by addiction.

I certainly feel calmer these days
I certainly feel clearer and more collected.
I can clearly notice some friends getting edgier, more sensitive and attention seeking. My first thoughts were they must be MOing too much haha

Addiction teaches us wrong things.
It tells us to avoid
It doesn't help us address our challenges. It magnified them.
It reinforces an image that we are weak and dependent.
It denies us the lessons of care and recovery.

I don't know how much of my views have been distorted.
But that doesn't matter.
I will sort them honestly now.
 
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