My Turn to Start 10 July 2017

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
REPLACEMENT THERAPY

in most bad circumstances, replacement therapy is better than resistance therapy.

Abusive partner? Replace
Abusive job? Replace
Bad fitting shoes? Replace
Dangerous loving conditions? replace

Resistance therapy on the other hand is to work harder in the same area so that we become stronger and can endure more more of the same.

Gym resistance
More difficult math questions.

In addiction therapy, replacement therapy is more important than resistance therapy.

Why? Because we want to kick the habit, not endure more of it. If we work only on resistance but not replacement, we will still come back to it becasue there is no other recourse.

What are the 3 main replacement therapy for addiction?

1. Self talk
2. Self care
3. Self love

Self talk are kind words to ourselves that recognize what we are going through and discuss internally how best to deal with it.

For example
I recognize I am feeling down
I would like to take better care of myself
Some of these care would be to go slow and rest more
I will be better in a few days

Self care would be to do just that
Remove ourselves from excessive stimulants and recover.

Self love is about loving ourselves properly. It is not about indulgence. It is about effort and proper care. We should not put ourselves in long term harm's way in return for a moment of pleasure or excitement. We should instead grow the foundations that take better care of ourselves tomorrow. Like tending good healthy relationships and learning new skills.

In time we will be able to step out of addiction's powerful deluding influences and recognize what has always been the better way.
The self care way.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
WHAT WOULD MAKE US PROUD?
EASY IS NOT GOOD.

all addictions are too easy to achieve and are easily addictive.

PMO. Sit down turn on phone/PC
Gaming. Sit down turn on phone/PC
Gambling. Sit down turn on phone/PC
Food and alcohol. Walk to the kitchen or order in
Smokes. Light one up
Drugs. Light one up/jab it in

What does that make the average addict? Lazy and looking for easy.

Easy rarely makes us proud and feel good about ourselves.
Effort and results on the other hand do.

Don't settle for easy
Don't settle for convenience
Make the effort
Get the results
Feel good about ourselves.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
In times of great stress
I come here

I see my history and the struggles of my brothers and I know I am not alone, I know the reasons behind our struggles, and that it is worth it.

I am reminded why we are here in the first case
To help ourselves
To free ourselves
To liberate ourselves

I cannot let down those who believed in me
I cannot let myself down
I do not let myself down

I move pass the curtains of darkness and see before me the bright lights of opportunity.

I am not measured by my failures
I am by my determination to improve and move forward.

I am generally very hard on myself.
I need not be.
I must remind myself, part of the reason for my journey is to learn to love myself better.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Looking through my old running records I am reminded that the most memorable runs were a combination of
1. Distance
2. Novelty
3. Rare or overseas location

It reminds me that my best memories were those of overcoming great challenges.

Don't settle for easy. That leads to entitlement and complacency, ultimately dissatisfaction.

Take up the challenge.
Forget my bias and restrictions.
Overcome my limitations.
Life is not a certainty.
Embrace life
Embrace challenges
Embrace uncertainty
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TREASURE THE MOMENT

holding my son this morning, I realize I rarely hold on to the moment and treasure it.

This addiction urges us on to the next fix. It signals that the next fix will feel better. It locks us in a neverending cycle of desire and avoidance.

This next fix is better is false.
This moment now is the best is true.

We feel hollow because we were not collecting the now.
We were not building on the incremental.
We were not present.
We were always running away.

But recognizing and collecting the now builds us up. It tells us we actually have plenty. That what we have is special, unique and the very best. It gives us joy to be alive, to be happy and grateful to be who we are. It gives us love.

I am here now
This is the moment
Let me embrace this moment
Let me enjoy this moment
Let me remember this moment
Here I am happy.
 
Thanks for this piece.

It's a timely reminder for me. I had woken up in a funk this morning. I woke up my son, changed his nappy, dressed him, walked him to the babysitter in the rain. Dropped him off. All the way I was wondering what wrong with me and wrestling with sexual urges/desires in my head. I've just stopped off for a coffee on the way home and realised that I didn't really engage with or treasure him this morning.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thanks for this piece.

It's a timely reminder for me. I had woken up in a funk this morning. I woke up my son, changed his nappy, dressed him, walked him to the babysitter in the rain. Dropped him off. All the way I was wondering what wrong with me and wrestling with sexual urges/desires in my head. I've just stopped off for a coffee on the way home and realised that I didn't really engage with or treasure him this morning.

Yeah I felt I was not much involved with my son in the earlier years, like something pulling me away, like having to get over events quickly.
Duty instead of gift.
I regret that alot.

I don't have to be perfect
I don't have to seek perfection
Being here and present with him is perfection already.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I can see the liberated people
Those who can let go of their attachments
Be free to be who they are
Be free to be at the moment
I have all that I want and need now
I don't need more
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TRICKS OF THE TRADE 1
(To reinforce bondage to addiction)

Recently I installed a new release of a very popular game I played a long time ago.
The mobile version included some features common in the biggest mmorpg today, which include gimmicks like
1. daily log in collects
2. hourly or periodic unique quests
3. monthly limited offers
4. a bunch of non-game activities to click and collect
I never understood the necessity of these side activities, finding them a chore instead of the main game quests, when I suddenly realized that these "forced" activates are the foundation of addiction development inserted in by these evil game makers. It creates a habit that keeps players coming back daily or suffer FOMO.

I am reminded of a documentary I watched long ago about the tricks casinos use to keep gamblers coming back. I counted no less than 10 unique ways.
- The obvious ones are the snowballing of mega jackpot and announcements of big wins that draw people to play.
- The subtle ones are the sealed indoor environment, no sun element, bright colorful blinking lights and constant noise that distort and make people lose track of time, place and sensibilities.
- The sneaky ones are the jackpot play $1 and small "win" of 30 cents, to register a "gain" instead of 70 cents spend that lie to people that they are winning instead of losing.
- The deadly ones are the fast and frequent wins that make people unable to accommodate to reality's slow and infrequent wins.
These elements serve as a study on many ways addiction can be developed and maintained, beyond the fake feel good it delivers.

You can find these elements present and modified in gaming as well as other forms of addiction. Thus addictive behaviors can be both man made or self made :
- a desire for a win or improvement ( with little effort )
- a constant draw of something new and FOMO eg checking in daily for new releases or online presence of preferred performers
- instant gratification over long term perseverance
- a desire to be sucked into an altered state of reality instead of the here and now.

Knowing this, we can then develop strategies to extricate ourselves from addiction by developing countermeasures.
- Find something more meaningful to check in daily (seek out my son when i wake) than the addiction
- dedicate 1 hour study daily to feel informed and improved
- adjusting the environment so i grow to love and enjoy my place
- register moment to moment feelgood about my accomplishments and environment
- be in the open instead of the secluded
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member

REWIRING AFTER ADDICTION

After recognizing the methods used to pormote addictive behaviours, i was thinking what else I can do to normalize my life.

This article brings some useful information.

So recovery towards normalcy is as follows:
1. Recognize the tricks industry use to develop addiction and actively avoid them
2. Reverse engineer these tricks to strengthen ourselves
3. Reapply these methods to modify our perspective and strengthen areas we are weak in


For example
Recognize : the methods we are using to avoid challenges and turn toward pleasure seeking
Reverse : turn off the attraction of these distractions
Reframe : the difficulties as positive activities beneficial for our growth
Reapply : these methods so that we will grow to like and enjoy our challenges
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Recently I am doing my resume and I struggle to complete it. I don't know why. I was unable to write good about myself and recognize my achievements. I felt my record was incomparable to others even though I've achieved much. I felt like a lie.

I was self deprecating.

I need to be honest with myself.
My life is not perfect but my past should not dictate my future
I have overcome alot, especially this evil addiction.
I need to be proud about myself.

I need to reframe my thinking towards greater positivity
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ADDICTION IS A DISABILITY

More of a mental handicap than a physical one, addiction distorts thinking and cause the person to be unable to rationalize properly like a mental illness.

That it affects cognition makes it harder to address than a physical disability, especially when the addict cannot identify the challenges they face.

What are these mental disabilities?
Fear, doubt, endurance issues, irrationality etc.

Like physical rehabilitation, mental rehabilitation requires we work on strengthening the weaker aspects and provide support.

This would mean correctly long held erroneous beliefs and opinions.

As well as continuous encouragement like yes we can, periodic mental sessions not unlike gym sessions, and supplements and supportive aids.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TRICKS OF THE TRADE 2

Further on this I recognized 2 more features of gaming that could be brought over to our addiction
1. No more weaponry engagement
2. Instant teleport. No more map exploration.

The aim of the developers is to not let players waste time navigating and also not let them derive joy or distraction away from the main focus : battle.
When battle urgency becomes high enough, players will give in and spend money buying upgrades.

Which is the focus of all addiction creators : get your money.

How does this relate with our addiction through the internet medium?
1. No distraction : present many performers quickly and efficiently so you'd stay on the site

2. No delay : use tokens to motivate the performers to perform sooner

So how do we block these accelerators?
Block access with internet blockers
Block payment by refusing to buy tokens
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
HACKING ADDICTION

so the creation of addiction is this:
1. Evil man want money from other men
2. They identify weakness and "solutions" (stress or boredom / food, sex, drugs, gamble, etc)
3. They make access to "solutions" easy and convenient
4. They make payment the main way to get more.

This is how men fall into addiction:
0. Contact (introduction)
1. Curiosity
2. Exploration (google)
3. Try
4. Repetition
5. Addiction (reward)
6. Mental influence (distortion)
7. More Investment (time/money)
8. Bondage

I need to reverse engineer this process and hack for good things.
1. Health
2. Career
3. Relationship

I need to change the scripts in my mind to serve my needs
Eg. I love porn becomes I love me

I need to keep repeating the difficult tasks until repetition becomes the norm.
I need to acknowledge and claim reward for my accomplishments until I become addicted to my beneficial habits.
I need to continue to invest in my healthy habits until I develop a bondage with them.

I'm going to use addiction methods to become and healthier and happier me !!!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
THE RECOVERY ROAD IS VERY LONG

It would be naive to think that once we are recovered we are fine.

Addiction is a proper illness that handicaps. Rehabilitation is not simply getting out of addiction but also solving the issues that led us into addiction in the beginning.

Like a person who has a stroke or paralysis, coming out of recovery, we need to rehabilitate and strengthen our weak mental conditions.

Addiction is a symptom, not the problem. The real problem lies deeper.

I say this because time and again I find myself faced with temptation and I ask what are the root.

I find myself in the same conditions as my teenage years with the same feelings of being lost and undirected, with too much time and too little purpose.

This is the root I must deal with. This is the weakness I must strengthen and rehabilitate .
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
OPEN MINDED GROWTH MINDSET

ED may not just be the case of too much PMO, it is also a function of outlook in life. If one
1. Has no control over their life
2. Has no interests to pursue
3. Dislike himself and people in general
4. Complains and resentful
5. Opinionated and is closed to change and opportunity
6. Wait for others to deliver

Eventually he will face so much setback that ED becomes a symbol of his life force.

To over come this we simply do the opposite:
1. Take full control of our life
2. Have many interests to pursue
3. Likes himself and others
4. Compliments and appreciate most of the time
5. be open and receptive to change and opportunity
6. Takes owneship of his life

Learn to let go.
We will be happier, less stressed and ED will gradually fade away
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
CONVERSATION CHANGE

Old process
1. Setback
2. Unhappy & resentful
3. Constant failure playback
4. Feel shitty
5. Turn to PMO to escape
6. Didn't find ways to improve
7. Repeat


New process
1. Setback
2. find out why (usually it's my emotional bias)
3. Look for new solution
4. Tell myself I will improve, things will get better, the future will improve
5. Be positive about the future
Have faith in myself
Energize towards change
Let go of the past


The world is not perfect
The reality is not as I'd imagine or desired.
Perhaps I've ask more than I've given.
Time to put in more effort.
Learn to let go.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Unhappiness is when reality doesn't meet expectations.
Expectations are wrong.
Need to adjust expectations
Need to correct beliefs and behaviors
Only reality is the truth.

We were addicted to PMO for a reason.
PMO delivers our expectations when reality does not.
What did PMO deliver?
1. Acceptance of self
2. Access to others (vs fear of rejection)
3. Fulfilment of desires
4. Sense of achievement
5. Feel good about self.

Therefore here are things I need to do more of addiction free;
1. Accept myself
2. Accept that rejection is normal
3. Have more meaningful and realistic desires
4. Accomplish more things and recognize them
5. Be proud and happy with myself.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There's a reason why we picked humans as our addiction, and not food, drugs or other inanimate objects.
Our addiction is visual, auditorial emotional and sensual based.
This is very different for the other forms of vice.

That tells us exaxtly what we are craving for... Relationships:
Relationship with others
Relationship with ourselves

With this in mind, we can solve this addiction by putting energy in the areas this addiction was trying to improve on.
 
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