My future is awesome!


Respected Member
Thank you all for your support.

I continue with Dopamine Nation and it's many insights on addiction.

Chapter 6 on truth

1. Anything that stimulates may become addictive. This includes anger and feelings of victimhood.
Addiction takes away responsibility.
Being addicted to the roots of their suffering keeps the angry and the victim exactly where they are, without improvement.

2. Radical honesty.
Vocally self disclosing oneself to a higher being, oneself and someone else allows one to begin the steps of self awareness and responsiblity.

3. Flaw focusing.
Focusing on someone else's flaws promotes victimhood and irresponsibility.
We are all imperfect.
It is also not someone else's responsibility to make us and our relationship better.
Taking up self responsibility immediately improves our condition.
We should recognize our's and other's gifts. Good brings us forward and happiness, while bad holds us back and inflicts suffering.

4. Disconnected between our truth and who we pretend to be.

When our lived experience diverges from our projected image, we are prone to feel detached and unreal, as fake as the false images we’ve created. Psychiatrists call this feeling derealization and depersonalization. It’s a terrifying feeling, which commonly contributes to thoughts of suicide. After all, if we don’t feel real, ending our lives feels inconsequential.
The antidote to the false self is the authentic self.

Truth-telling engenders a plenty mindset, and willingness to delay gratification and gain greater goods.
Lying engenders a scarcity mindset, which leads to immediacy and an unwillingness to invest for the future.

Reliability engenders confidence.

honesty enhances awareness, creates more satisfying relationships, holds us accountable to a more authentic narrative, and strengthens our ability to delay gratification. It may even prevent the future development of addiction.


Respected Member
Can I live happily without sex?

The hard answer is yes.

Why? because sex requires another person. In true self sufficiency and independence, one doesn't require another. And so living happily without sex is possible.

But it is difficult. Why? Many things hold us back:
1. Genetics and the instinctive drive to procreate
2. Learned ways from years of porn and sex promotive literature
3. Seduction through daily human interaction
4. Belief that sex is necessary for one to feel good about themselves.
5. belief that sex is more satisfying than other activities

But all of the above can be put to the test and fail.

We can let go of the desires for sex if we can prioritize or immerse something over ourselves, such as family, duty or hobby.

Or we can find activities that bring us greater pleasure than sex, such as personal endeavors that lead to success and acheivements

Instead of seeing sex as a norm, seeing it as a bonus or gift may lessen the burden on us achieving it, and redirect our attention to other more satisfying and productive avenues.

I really must not depend on others to make myself feel good.
I really must learn to make myself feel good on my own.

The further we can move away from our desires and wants that cause suffering, the closer we can see and enjoy that which we already have, but may have been ignored and unappreciated.


Respected Member
What is addiction?

Sex addiction is merely a form of addiction.

There are many forms of addiction, some can be as innocent as continually disliking someone for what they did once many years ago.

Huh? How can that be an addiction?

1. cannot let go
2. constant repetition
3. distorts current reality
4. creates isolation
5. creates pleasure

So let's simplify:
An addiction is essentially an escape that creates pleasure and imbalance and prioritizes over all other activities.

Most if not all addictions are not logical. They work by stimulating the emotions. Emotions has no logic. They hold no reasons or benefits other than performing the act itself.

How not to be addicted?
Don't escape.
Gain from what is, not what if.
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Respected Member


This professor of neurobiology at Stanford university of medicine explains many bodily processes and influences by addiction and beyond that we cannot possibly deduce on our own.


This article illustrates what our body goes through after orgasm, and is very important in helping me manage the few weeks post orgasm urges that often lead to relapses.

There are also many other scientific articles on addiction, sex and neurology to better understand why we behave the way we do.

3. Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke.
A psychiatrist view of the modern world and her patients on addiction in today's world of plenty.
It really made me reflect if easy and plentiful access is for better or worse, and reminds us some simple behavior shifts that can bring about big changes.

4. Going on being by Mark Epstein.
Through Buddhism philosophy, Mark brings many interesting perspectives that adds ammunition against flawed beliefs and behaviors we've gathered along the way.

Personally, the following are still most important for me:
1. Live for purpose, never pleasure
2. Replacement is key to successful reboot
3. Recognize the self constantly
4. Rest and recover frequently
5. Reconnect with the world now. Put down the phone!


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Respected Member
Flatline is not a bad thing!
Being uninterested in women or sex is not a bad thing.
In fact these are very good signs!

- Sexual attractiveness
- End to PIED
- confidence during intimacy
Are still linked to addiction and cravings and will continue to cause suffering and disappointments.

The foundation of addiction are desires and dependencies.
To be free of addiction is to be free of these.
To recover is to regain the ability to act and do as we chose, and not be under the influence or power of another.

To flat line and not show signs of interest does not make us less manly!
It simply means that we are
1. No long under the powerful influence of attractive females
2. that we have other things that we are interested to focus and attend to
3. That we have other things that can attract and fulfill us
4. That we have regain some control of ourselves as opposed to before.

Compare sex addiction with other forms of addiction, like gambling, drugs, alcohol, smoking or binging.
Does recovery of our bodily function matter highly? No! It's the recovery of control of our lives that matters the most!

What is reboot?
It is to restart!
To when?
To the day before we got addicted.
To reset ourselves.
To restore balance.
To regain control.

All addiction recovery should be one and the same:
- Regain will and control over the influences.
- Diminish their desire
- Recover a more complete and meaningful life to the point where
1. The ex-addiction doesn't consume our entire life
2. That we may enjoy the ex-addictive activities periodically ( only for sex and food because the others are capitalism/commercial creations with no beneficial effects to our lives )

Flat line and no interest are good signs!
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Respected Member
I used to live on excuses
I used to have victim mentality
I also have been living on excesses and indulgence.
I have been lazy, consuming and dependent.
I have spent too much time escaping.

I found that these behaviors have kept me from improvement.

That is why today my recovery is completely on taking care and control of the self.

I will not focus on what others do or behave.
I will work on what I need to do, and how to behave.
I will only manage myself, and no one else.
I will let go of my past and move forward anew and unburdened.

I believe in time, others will see and experience my improvements and hopefully they too will change our relationship for the better, and if they don't, it doesn't matter because they have indicated that they don't care, and the less I need to worry about them, and more on myself.

No more excuses
No more victim mentality
No more blaming
No more excesses.
It's all and only about what I am and will do.
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Respected Member
As I get older, preservation became more important than exploration.
I choose to take less risk and more care in planning my next steps.

Perhaps this is normal aging perspective change
Perhaps this is me being conservative
Maybe I'm turning into a grumpy old man who doesn't care much what others think of me.

But time is limited and I should be more prudent. And only spend it on the meaningful while I still can.
Never purely for the sake of pleasure, enjoyment and entertainment, but for benefits and improvements, in self or in relationships.

There are others who may prefer faster and more furious while they can. But I've been too fast and furious, my knees ache and my shoulders hurt, so it's good time I slow down and smell the roses.

Young bodies and pretty smiles don't benefit me, unlike a long run or a hot bath. A pretty sight is like a flower to appreciate and move on. There is nothing to cling on to or for, because there is no chance or expectation for anything more than a sight. What I already have is good enough (or better)

I've had enough lust many lifetimes over. In my youth, I've had plenty, which leaves me today feeling rather empty. Time to experience the other aspects of life that I've missed out on.
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Respected Member
Am I in contact with my surroundings or am I only in contact with my ego or imagination?


With my child I was initially focused on being a parent.
Now older, I focused on being honest.
What's the difference?
Parenting is directing, whereas honesty is about showing, without lecturing.
It's about sharing what i do, without judgement.
I now must be the role model.
I now must walk my talk.
I now must be completely honest with myself


Seek and we shall find.
What do you seek?
Porn? But why?
Answers? You already have them within you!
Better relationship with other? How is our relationship with ourselves first?
Happiness? Isn't it already in front of you?
Forgiveness? It's only we can give ourselves?

Taking the best care of ourselves automatically answers all our questions and improve our surroundings.


Respected Member
There is a double edge in everything and we need to be very careful how to manage it.

Improvements in technology has made many advances in life. Things are easier to obtain and options are plenty. If we dwell in excesses and become obese with consumption, we will lose focus and become weak and dependent.

2. Information is also double edged. It is fine when it is informative and we benefit through learning and improving. But it damages us when it is a display for personal attention, such as TikTok and YouTube shorts. When we see everyone has but we don't, poverty mindset sets in. Creating urgency, anxiety and desperation leading to poor short term choices.

In terms of porn, when watching 2 things are triggered:
A. Instinctive desires to procreate
B. Poverty effect of seeing but not owning.
These dual triggers inflict very strong urges to complete, and creates poor partner choices for completing now instead of longer term planning.

Anna Lembke also mentioned that the brain, if primed for completion, has an outcome contrary to expectations, the subsequent crash in dopamine is more significant than baseline. That means repeated PMO without a real partner makes a person even more depressed.

Be wary of inflicting poverty and scarcity mindset that drives us to anxiety and impulsive decisions that won't fare well vs our long term plans.

Be wary of triggers that we know will not be achieved, when triggered, will lead to even worse depression
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Respected Member
Read a report recently about a drug addict's fear of getting caught.

Fear of getting caught.
That's what many porn addicts also have.
Alongside shame and guilt.

These comes on top of the other neurological impacts of addictions including lowered dopamine baseline, imbalance, withdrawal symptoms and depression.

These cascade of negative effects are all the reasons one needs to stay clean, honest and grounded.

Otherwise it'll be a monumentous task to lead a normal life of confidence, dignity and positive optimism.

We can be like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, able to stand tall even when unclothed, not just in fabric but in real life, unburded by shame, guilt, fear or pessimism, but have the sense to distinguish the apples peddled by the snakes of commercialism.
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Respected Member
To cum is to release, to give away.
But to who?
And for what reason or return?

If we give to a partner, the return is traditionally a child.
That is a tremendous gift.
Modern science and technology does not alter this most fundemental role.
But to constantly give, with no hope of return, only depletes, and deminish.

Do not give if there will be no return
Those who do not only fool themselves, but depletes, and in doing so, forces them into dependency due to weakness.

Consider the women who joins without protection. They are either oblivious or have commitment permeance intentions.

In the creation of life, nothing is wasted.

So much science and medical literature on the importance of conserving the seed yet our foolish heart leads us astray.

Our seed is meant to be invested, and never wasted.

Either give with intention, or not give at all. The preservation of self must lead the way.


Respected Member
For lack of a better acronym, the following characteristics may give rise to addictive behavior:
Obsessive Compulsive

These characteristics raises the propensity due to
Heighten sensitive to feelings and emotions
Greater focus on certain areas to repeat and complete.
This generally means imbalance.
Forsaking one for the sake of another.
Forsaking long term plans and goals for short term gains and rewards.

The way to manage better might be
1. Damage Control
These resistive acts are meant to counter the easy, plentiful and fast outcomes of today's commericalized economy.

2. Restore Balance
Looking at life in a more holistic and longer term way.
Working towards specific goals
Understanding what influences us and what benefits and improves us.
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Respected Member
Addiction is generally defined by the involved substance (drug, food, alcohol or cigarettes) or activity (gambling, PMO)

However addiction can also be defined by the emotion:
Addicted to pleasure
Addicted to power
Or even addicted to the person (idol worship)

I relate my addiction more to pleasure.
I needed to feel good.

I don't do cigarettes because I am disciplined enough over my asthma
I don't do alcohol or drugs because I don't like loss of control.
I don't overeat because health and image still matters.
I don't gamble because I am risk adverse.
PMO worked for me because it operates within my preferred sphere of access, control and influence.

I am addicted to pleasure.
This is an interesting perspective.
Having this new insight gives me more angles to tackle the nature of my loss of control, which is another way to describe addiction.

I am addicted to pleasure.
Now how do I address this...


Respected Member
18 OCT 1

Went running today.

I am reminded of some important life rules and definition for success

1. Discipline.
To start or stop as intended.

2. Commitment.
To complete as intended.

3. Consistency

4. Responsibility
To take full ownership of my action and decisions.

5. Long term goals
So that we are not over focused on short term challenges.
So that our decision making are suited for long term results

Sample Statement:
For me to lose 5kg (long term goal) I will run everyday (discipline) for 5k (commitment),
sleep at 10pm every night (discipline) for 8hrs (commitment) and
eat less carbs (discipline) and no food after 8pm except drink clear soup (commitment)

Success requires
Insight (discovery)
understanding (reason)
will to change behavior (determination)
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Respected Member
Addiction is generally defined by the involved substance (drug, food, alcohol or cigarettes) or activity (gambling, PMO)

However addiction can also be defined by the emotion:
Addicted to pleasure
Addicted to power
Or even addicted to the person (idol worship)

I relate my addiction more to pleasure.
I needed to feel good.

I don't do cigarettes because I am disciplined enough over my asthma
I don't do alcohol or drugs because I don't like loss of control.
I don't overeat because health and image still matters.
I don't gamble because I am risk adverse.
PMO worked for me because it operates within my preferred sphere of access, control and influence.

I am addicted to pleasure.
This is an interesting perspective.
Having this new insight gives me more angles to tackle the nature of my loss of control, which is another way to describe addiction.

I am addicted to pleasure.
Now how do I address this...
18 OCT 2


I modify this to broadly classify addiction under 2 broad groups:
1. Consumption and Body altering
2. Psychological and Mental altering

Thus, drug, alcohol, food cigarettes all fall under group 1 through consumption. While they also alter the mind, the distinctions here are that physical consumption is necessary, and body structure and chemistry were altered.

Gambling and porn are psychological in nature as no chemistry was introduced into the body.
All the action happens in the mind, and were self induced, created and imagined by the individual.

Here is where it gets interesting.
Versus type 1 addiction, type 2 addiction are easier to treat as they are mostly self induced mentally.
Not having to deal with body damage done by chemicals is a huge benefit.

So during reboot, when we go into flat line, and even loss of interest in naked women, this is a massively positive indication that we are no longer under mental influences and have regained some mental control over our decisions and choices.

What happens after this continues to be of our decision and choice.
Do we give in?
Do we make changes?
Do we take back control?

Some friends here fear they have lost something when they observe their body rejecting traditional forms of stimulus.

I am of the opinion that we have actually gain back control over external influences, and is returning to a state of balance.

Moreover, we have began the process of refocusing on our real self and real needs, and not the externally focused and influenced slaves we were.

Like food, we don't need alot to survive. And porn, we don't need any to survive. We just need one good person.
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Respected Member
18 OCT 3

There are many here eager to regain their manliness, eager to recover from PIED. Quickly. Like their life depends on it.

What's the rush?

We've been pounding skin for decades, is it fair to restore damaged goods within weeks or even days?

No mental patient gets well in weeks.
No broken bones get well in weeks.
It is the ego that demands a limp dick to be fixed ASAP.

Comeon, give our dicks a break.
It too deserves some peace and quiet, don't you think?

If I can have a long summer holiday, so can it.
And just like a long summer holiday does everyone some good, a long rest for the dick will do it good too.

Reboot is about taking a break. Resting. Recovery. Restoring.

Leave it alone.
Let it recover from its dysfunction on its own time.
Like the poor injured victim of abuse that it is.
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Respected Member
18 OCT 4

There are many poor practices we've formed over the years.

Many friends here struggle during reboot with the desire to return and reengage. They don't have strong strategies to resist habits and preferences.
They didn't established strong replacements that would take their mind and attention away.
It is important to remember that PMO is a act of self pleasuring.
So during reboot, we must replace it's absence with something else, otherwise we will be in a difficult situation of non-pleasure, non-happy state, which will make reboot doubly difficult.

So what else can they do?

When urges kick, make it harder to complete!
Hang around people!
Go out into the park!
Open the curtains and windows!
Go do some gardening!

Let your environment help you!

It is true that willpower is limited. The more one uses it , the sooner it will run out.
So dont fight cravings directly, fight it indirectly!

Take a cold shower!
Go for a run! At least your get to lose some weight! At least you'd get to feel good about yourself!
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Respected Member
18 OCT 5


I wear barefoot shoes to run. That tells you a little about me.
I just came across barefoot sue on YouTube who is also a wimhof ice water dip instructor.

She brought the host to a true bare foot no shoe hike. That host complained about a thorn stuck in her foot, hurting her with each step. Barefoot sue advised, after removing the thorn and bandaging up, to really really think of it as a sensation.

All too often our lives are like wearing Nikes. Thick. Foamy. Bundled up. Until our feet feels nothing and we are injured with sprains, crooked toes and plantar fasciitis. And what do we do? Go buy another thicker, foamier "support" shoe.

No. Modern day ideals of comfort is too much. Porn is too "comforting". It denies us of experiencing life correctly. It makes us weak.

Coming out, we feel so much of the "pain" we are avoiding. Stress, anger, failure, rejection etc. The very reasons we often turn to porn for relief.

But what if we were taught wrong to avoid them.
What if we could see them differently.


Nothing more.

Uncomfortable yes. But still, just sensations. No different than feeling happy or angry or sad or whatever. All just sensations that are part of life like warm mornings and cold nights.

Seeing all experience this way, there is no need to avoid them. There's also no need to be overly inclined towards extreme ones like porn. All sensations are equal and the same.

No need to get too caught up on the last sensation, because the next new one is coming.
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Respected Member
"Typically, clarity will arise from that deep rest when we're not grasping for something"

To not PMO is to rest deeply.
And afterwards, as we let go of more, we begin to see things clearer