My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Keep on moving forward for all the right reasons:

1. Balance in life
2. Long term planning, outlook and results
3. Joy and experience, any time and everywhere
4. Radical honesty and truth; Unburdened and free.
5. Complete love and acceptance of who I am
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
We were abled body people
But some time in our youth we decided to use porn like a crutch
And over the years we lost the ability to walk our life without this crutch
We become dependent on it
We no longer run
We hobble
In this time we see our able body friends run free and ahead
While we think we are handicapped and disabled
We learn to give up early, feel sorry for ourselves, make excuses and hide away.
Time pass and we remain in our room with our crutch
Until one day we find the strength and clarity to say enough.
I'm not going to use this useless and unhelpful crutch anymore!
I'm going to throw it away and never look back!
I'm going to slowly and painfully learn to walk again.
I'm going to climb all the hills ahead of me and reach the top, no matter how slow or how long.
I'm going to walk on my own again!

And in that time,
I'll rediscover my strength
My ability
My body
My self
I'll discover that I can endure
That I'm able
I'm complete.

I'm complete.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@Blondie
Many thanks for the reminder to the link to William.

I especially like this line of his:
humility, knowledge, and suffering.

How very true.

There is a need to embrace suffering.
Suffering is good
Suffering is strengthening
Suffering is weakness leaving me

Let me suffer so that I may be free.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I read that with long term addiction, even when the kick no longer satisfy, people continue with the habit due to compulsion.

Compulsion is huge in addiction.
It perpetuates a habit that no longer matters or makes sense.
It keeps one doing even when mentally they don't want to.

Breaking compulsion is the real big step after decision to abstain.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Spent the evening listening to oldies (80s) on YouTube.
I missed those wonderful songs!
Most importantly it brings back that warm feeling I've had in my teens. Wonderful 80s so free and happy.

What interests me is that while listening to Les Miserables 10th anniversary, I cried to many of the beautiful but heart wrenching songs.

I felt I've grown cold and unemotional over the years. My music tastes seemed to have evolved with my emotions.
80s music was so full for fun, life and joy.
90s got more commercialized and stale so I gradually moved to electronic music.
I moved away from songs that brought feelings of love and joy to sounds that stimulates with beats and progressive buildups. Fewer words to distract. And if sung, none had anything to do with the purity of love. (Di.Fm)

Everything was for stimulation. Music. Movies. Activities.
While less and less were on human sentimentality. Less and less intimacy and close relationships.

I too became part of the commercialized world.
How to get more done, faster, cheaper, sooner.
So cold and methodical.

So the love songs tonight were a good wake up call.
Come back to my roots.
Connect back with my humanity
Feel my sentimentality
Feel my love

===

My wife and child both had the flu and high fever last night.
I tried hard to bring his temperature down in the early am with wipes and ice packs. I wasn't rough with him but I could have been kinder and more sensitive with his discomfort.

I felt that my kindness and sensitivity towards others is something that sorely needs fixing.
Something this addiction may have robbed me through years of abuse. Cos it was always about fulfilling my wants (not even feelings!) first.

In my haste to get things done, I become careless and risk making really big mistakes.

No excuses.
I need to take better care of others.
I need to be kinder, gentler and more thoughtful.
I need to slow down.

Life is not about immediacy.
We live for decades.
Do with tomorrow in mind.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Spent more time on 80s music and with the family.

Made me want to be even more certain about
1. Where my choices are bringing me,
2. Are the destinations where I really want to be?

So even more that stopping fast-easy-many-stir sites and media, I'm now starting to reflect if any other content I spend time on are of any long term value:
Music genre
Movie types
Social engagement context

I really like electronic music. But it really makes me cold and distant. I want to be a warmer person. I'm deciding to spend more time with warmer and more loving music.

More junk sites need to go. They serve nothing more than stir up emotions. I want to spend more time on material that spread warmth and kindness.

===

For a long while today, I felt completely comfortable and accepted within the family.
I had no agenda
I had no concerns
I was fully free to be who I am.

When under porn influence, I had agenda with everyone.
I had to appear attractive
I was competitive
I only cared self interest
Meaning... It was impossible to have a casual happy time with anyone. I was uncomfortable all the time.

Suddenly I was made aware how others were able to have so many good friends. Even children story books reflect the nature:
They were happy with whatever things were when they were together.
They didn't have to fulfill the me me me agenda at all
They accepted each other.
They didn't demand from each other.

I realized Porn addiction creates very strong demands on others to bend and fulfill our desires.
Since real or virtual sex can never happen without some form of submission or endorsement by others for our consumption, regardless they intended to or not, so by virtual of our ever present lusting state, we are always scheming, plotting, consuming, and never giving.

Porn addicts take.
They never give.
Addiction is about personal fulfillment, never about helping others.
My claims of love for others are never real, if all I ever was doing was to fuck for my own pleasure. That certainly isn't making love.

Now suddenly I realize, I can actually be happy without 'receiving' anything
True happiness is seeing my loved ones happy, and that feeling is deeply comforting.
They didn't have to make me happy
They didn't have to do anything for me.

For the first time in a long time I can really experience joy of just being with people.

Like I was in my teens.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
SHIT STAINED FIVER

Porn is like finding and keeping a shit stained fiver.

I like money, but is it worth introducing a shit stained fiver into my clean expensive wallet?

My wallet is my life, my person.

If I've worked hard to improve myself, why jeopardize by soiling myself with unbeneficial shit?

There was a time when I might, when all I had were shit stained fivers. My wallet was stained because I didn't know what was good for me. My wallet was empty because I had no love for myself.

Now I am richer with new clean crisp 100 dollar bills of loving family, and loving self.

I'm no longer desperate to want to keep any shit stained fiver.

Seeing porn correctly, an infectious disease carrying, depression bringing, smelly, rotten and used shit stained fiver that I can do without, I move on with much greater ease.

===

LIKING MYSELF MORE

Every addict dislikes themselves.
I mean, who likes anyone who always does the exact opposite of what you ask of them? You'd feel distrust, anger and shame.

And so, the path to liking myself more is simply doing more of what I ask of myself, nicely and kindly, of course.

Please, stop eating at night.
Please go to bed early
Please go for the run
Please stop reading nonsense material
Please be kinder towards others
Please be more careful

There, I'm beginning to like the new me more already :)
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY NO

I used to not be able to say no to porn.
Then I realize it's not just porn I can't say no to.
It's time spent on games
It's time spent on junk sites
It's time spent doing aimless stuff
It's even not knowing how to stop talking nonsense.

Was it not knowing how to say no, was I just too indulgent, or even FOMO?
Obsessive
Compulsive
Impulsive
So many possible reasons, even porn induced anxiety and now now now.

There are many things in life that we need to say no to, not because they are bad, but because they are inappropriate, unnecessary or unbeneficial.

I think I need to learn to say many no's before I can say one yes. This will ensure the thing I say yes to is really good for me.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ONE VS MANY

in addiction there can only be one way to joy. Whether it is drugs or gambling or porn, the only way an addict can experience any joy is through that abuse, and it's association.

So the porn addict even though refusing porn in an attempt to become free, remains enslaved because he is still attached to the addiction's associative parts:
Requesting for sex with partners
Seeking intimacy
Penis response
Libido levels
They don't see that the penis and libido are all extension of the sex addiction arm.
They remain at the addiction's mercy.


True freedom from addiction is to be able to move firmly away from having only one source of joy to having many sources.
Relationships
Interests
Hobbies
Job satisfaction
Etc
The grip of addiction is removed and everything is in balance and harmony. The individual is independent and free to make their own choices without overwhelming influence.

Otherwise depression will quickly return because the addict still cannot find ways to replace the pleasures that the addiction provides.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I read that as a former addict, we will never be free of the attractions of our addiction, unlike someone who has never been addicted before.

As much as I wish this not to be true, I agree and accept this fact.

It is no different than being impossible for us to completely forgive and forget all the mistakes and errors we have done in our past.

But the difference here is, while I know I can never be completely free of my addiction and guilt, I can take many measures to manage myself.

When I think of my past mistakes, I can forgive myself and move on.

When I think of my past addiction, I can forgive myself and move on.

I don't need 100% purity
I don't need to be perfect
No one is perfect.
I just need to keep moving forward.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
In porn, joy exists outside of us.
And porn presents what we crave:
Attraction and attention from others.

These give clues to what we desire and how to achieve it by ourselves:
Make effort
Self recognize
Better self care
Be satisfied
Be self sufficient
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
REBOOT DOESN'T MEAN RELAX

REBOOT MEANS REHAB

That's right.
When we sign up for reboot, it's time to put in effort.
We're have because something broke, and it's time to heal it.
If we break a leg, we need to go for rehab to get its strength and function back.
If we have a stroke and can't speak, we need to go rehab and work towards talking properly again.

It's not gonna be easy
It's actually quite tough.
But the reward of recovery is immeasurable.

So what is porn addiction rehab? What's broken?
1. Ways of finding joy
2. Ways to feel good about ourselves
3. Ways to have balance in life
4. Ways to see things clearly and realistically
5. Ways to see all the good in life

These all need practice and effort.
Lots and lots of practice and effort.
Best get started right away.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
FOCUS IS THE PATH TO JOY

notice how we'd feel good while in the flow state.

Interestingly, scanning porn, gaming, drugs and gambling are all highly focused states.

Additionally, there is little to no noise of self doubt, nor any thoughts about failure and what ifs. There is a sense of lack of consequence. Throwing caution to the wind. The user is 100% involved and committed. He is freed from himself.

This is a wonderful state if it can be carried into every aspect of daily life.

So how do we recreate highly focused states without abuse?
1. Meditation
2. Goals
3. Mindfulness and being present
4. Letting go
5. Commitment
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
THE SAD CLIMAX AND SOUL CRUSHER

You climax
The warm bonding session that should follow doesn't.
Instead,
All good feelings a moment ago immediately vanish
The screen performer continues on, oblivious about you, growing distant and irrelevant.
In the picture of the person you adore, their eyes continue to stare blankly forward, unseeing and frozen in time.
You clean yourself up, and put the screen away.
The light comes on, the room suddenly cold and empty.
The only feeling in the room is emptiness.

You either turn away from yourself to sleep, or be overwhelmed by a sudden urge to do something, an attempt to avoid that feeling of absence.

You sink further into yourself
Empty
Lonely
Without hope
Nothing to look forward to
No one to love
No one who cares
Just four walls and silence.

What was supposed to be the highs of expectation turned into crushing disappointment, everytime.
Again and again
Worse and worse.

It's no wonder we have esteem issues
It's no wonder we crave for relationship, attention and affection.
It's not wonder we end up depressed and resigned.

What was love is only depletion
What was hope is only deception
We are our worst enemy.

Porn has consequences
It never has a happy ending
It is only emptiness and crushing defeat.
Recognize it for what it is.

Dont deceive ourselves anymore.
The few minutes of pleasure is not worth the hours and days of sadness and decay.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I'll be honest
I went chatroom surfing for a couple of days. I edged but didn't come.
And I experienced some interesting insights that I'd share here.

This episode reminds me of the mirror test Galadriel went through in LotR when Frodo "offered" her the ring and upon surviving temptation, she said “I pass the test, I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.”

1. Never satiate, never go to the end.
Old PMO habits dictate an aim to orgasm. This develops a behavior of always wanting and aiming for closure.
In the past I always come. This process made my general attention span in life very short. I thus have difficulty planning or enduring for the long term.
Real Life is not like this.
Life is about going on, continuing.
So by not coming, I continue.
It's an interesting revelation, to focus on the journey rather than the conclusion.
Holding out for better and more things.

This thought is not about sex.
All I'm saying is,
1. Don't orgasm (conclude)
2. Don't harbour the desire to conclude things quickly.
Orgasm is full stop.
It is restart to the beginning.
Instead, it is better to endure and continue the journey.
He who endures will be rewarded more!

2. Porn and porn people are really boring!
Checking girls out for a couple of hours, I find they do nothing but wiggle, giggle and prance around like a wounded insect.
How on earth was I so obsessed earlier when under the influence?
Today is day 3 of chatroom surfing and no one interests me. Their nakedness does not interest me. They discuss no topic that are remotely interested. They are all very boring people waiting for suckers to wire money so they can fake moan and get more.
Many also looked completely bored out of their minds. It must be so boring sitting in front of the camera all day waiting for things to happen. They do nothing but waste electricity and internet bandwidth. There is nothing impressive. It's a tiresome grind.

3. Which means my life must be more interesting!!!
And it is!
Everyday I spend time with my kid, bringing to school or planning and doing some activities.
Every weekend we have activity.
I'm actually quite busy.
And when I am busy, I am stimulated and interested, and so I don't need further stimulation.
And this makes porn even more uninteresting and unattractive.
Having an interesting life means I no longer need to self medicate.

4. Which must mean I had a damn boring life when I was addicted.
Why else would I want to spend time with boring people (camgirls) if I have something better to do or look forward to?
This is definitely my fault!
Choosing the easy way out by sitting and surfing instead of going out into the real world and exploring. I dug my own hole and buried myself in my own lazy practices and beliefs.

5. And the addiction also fucked up my opinion about relationships as all about sex and little else.
Relationship is about sharing worldly experiences without self interests.
Fatherhood definitely taught me alot about relationships. For the first time in a long time, I'm really having relationships with others without anything related to sex. I can be myself without any agenda. I am free and happy spending time with others. I don't need sex to be happy.


Summery
1. I think it's important to cultivate good relationships that have nothing to do with sex, or personal agenda.
2. I think it's important to have relationships. Being alone is quite deadly.
3. All addictions are essentially poor surrogates or substitutes to something we are lacking in daily life at the moment. There is little to no need if we have created a busy and plentiful life for ourselves.
4. We believe in addiction when we are desperate. Once our life is better, the false, fake and ugliness of the addiction material becomes immediately clear.

Moderation is key!
Good relationship is key!
Having a relationship is key!
Not focusing on sex is key!
Going out and doing things with people is key!

Fuck porn, it's boring shit
If I like it then I must be bored or boring. Then I better go do something interesting.

Be well everyone and have a busy weekend!
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There are a few reasons that make me believe I'm in a better place already.

1. Not interested in sex
2. Not interested in visual stimulation
3. Not interested in masterbation

1. Not interested in anything sexual or sex related.
This is the most powerful.
It doesn't mean I'm asexual.
It means I'm more interested in other things than sex.
It means activities with a sexual nature is no longer a priority or necessity.
With this comes liberation.
It means women, nudity or visuals dont have power over me.
It means people, status or desperation don't have power over me.
It means I'm finally in full control of myself to do as I see fit.
I'm finally self aware.

2. Not interested in visual stimulation.
It means I'm only interested on the quality of the relationship.
So basically pretty people and nudity on the internet have zero meaning to me because there is zero real relationship with them.
The book is more important than the cover.
I used to be clueless with the partner after the sex is over. Now I rather be clueless about sex and be filled with other things to do.

3. Masterbation have no meaning to me.
I've decided not to orgasm anymore for 2 reasons:
A. It's not about sex.
It's not even about feel good.
It's about developing a behavior of continuation instead of completion. (Per my last post)
B. Because I have no emotional connection with internet people anymore, I can no longer derive any interest or pleasure with or through them. Thus masterbation also becomes meaningless and unpleasurable.

I will find greater joy and pleasure through real world activities such as
Achievements
Accomplishments
Self recognition
Good times with loved ones


This is somewhat of a surprise to me.
I knew for a while now that porn addiction is not really about sex.
It's about poorly addressed personal issues.

So the more I recover my true issues, the more I realize the attention to sex was just an subset of the addiction process rather than real needs.

Will I become another statistic of sexless marriage?
I don't care.
I don't even care if I'd ever fuck again.
I'm good where I am now.
I'm whole.

(I must be having a very unstressed life now haha)
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Accidentally deleted my last post. 🤦

Anyway, today I came across an interesting forum. People discussed in depth the chatroom and performer subscription industry including
1. Ratio of earnings
2. "Professional" management of performers by companies (scum)
3. Career grind of performers (not unlike Uber drivers)
4. Unreasonable pricing and behavior (ripoff)
5. Deceiving subs with lies, ppv, shit quality, low quantity, unprofessionalism.
6. Commercializing on a grand scale

There is nothing innocent here.
It operates like the casino industry. Every performer and user is abused to the max. Every industry collaborator is a leech.

Most importantly, they aim to find and milk the simp:
The sucker who is dependent
The sucker who pays
The sucker who is fooled into paying more for shitty "private/exclusive" content.
The sucker who is seeking relationships.
The sucker who doesn't know their limits
The sucker who dreams
The sucker who indulges
The sucker who is addicted.

Most performers don't know what to do, or are just plain lazy and greedy. They won't ever get money worth their time.
Some are "professionally" managed by people experienced at tricking and milking simps, but at a big cost of their profit.
Only a very few are proper professional with business quality and sustainability.
Many are suckered into the industry with promises of fame and fortune. Think touts on the street luring girls to sign and pay for modeling careers of past.

And there are hundreds of thousands of these performers
It's a red sea and most are just a waste of everyone's time. Most end up ruined.

But because they have also ruined my life, I will have no sympathy nor empathy for them. To each their own. I have to save myself in the meanwhile.


Anyway, I found out I am a simp.
I don't pay, but I am weak.
I indulge myself
I bow to fulfil my desires
I give in to temptation
I am a simpleton.

It a painful realization but the truth.
At least I know now I'm a sucker.
I have weak morales.
I have low standards.
I am a simp.

Ok enough self bashing.
That's one less item in the "don't know what I don't know" category
Now that I know, I can start dealing or correcting it.

I don't want to be a simp.
Especially not a simp for this crooked industry.

I need to be an anti-simp.
I need to be a batter man.

Knowledge is power
Power means less deception.
Knowing what a shitty industry porn is helps me to climb higher.

Continue on being a better man.
 
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