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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Here’s how I handle it: I make a promise that I will not seek out porn for that day. I keep my word. I am in control of my actions.

That said, there is no magic bullet. Whatever path you choose has to start with you. Putting your plan in another’s hands seems like a recipe for blaming others before you fail.

You know what you need to do. So do it.


@Zeile
This is one of the best short and sweet advice. Thanks for the reminder.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
PUBLIC VS PRIVATE CITIZENS

porn addicts are very attached people.
We're attached to our
Devices
Collections
Fantasies
Favorite performers
Private and alone time
These attachments help perpetuate our addiction.

As a new father going through recovery, I'm very grateful that family life has given me many advantages:
New responsibilities
Love and attention
Less/no private time
No lonely time

I went from being a private citizen to a public one.

But the real key to success is about letting go of all my old attachments when I was a private citizen and become firmly attached to my family as a public unit.

The loss of privacy and the abandonment of old attachments are the roots of addiction liberation.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member

This is one of the best explanation about how porn masterbation messes us up totally.

1. It's not about sex. It's about self soothing. However it habituates the wrong way to deal with life's challenges

2. Changes the brain to see no joy in the world other than through masterbation.

3. It Neurologically links the brain sexually to ourself for love, happiness, connection and pleasure. It's a self defeating loop.

4. Dopamine deluge floods the frontal lobe that handles working memory, concentration, focus, socialization, judgement, impulse control and reward center.
Consequently, frequent masterbation weakens and slows the frontal lobe, impairing thinking and memory.

5. Frontal lobe reward center desensitized by supernormal visual, mental and physical stimulus, leads to decreased arousal by normal intimacy.

6. Porn is a performance, unlike partner sex which is an experience. We end up associating partner sex as performance, resulting in performance anxiety, leading to ED and stress, making sex unenjoyable.

7. Partner sex has comparably lower mental and physical stimulation. Arousal and ejaculation becomes more difficult. So mental fantasy is needed. We're thus not really having sex with our partner.

8. The partner knows something is wrong, even if they don't know what is wrong. (We're not present)

9. Testosterone spikes up on day 7 after abstinence.

How to stop?
1. Stop watching
2. Pivot plan to decrease stress levels and not to be bored.
3. More mood regulation activities across the day.
 
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