DEMON WORLD
We all live in our own individual form of demon world. The suffering we have to endure because of our inate beliefs and preferred behavior.
This year's reboot session of many months without much p or m or o, roughly since June, has helped me to escape my demon world, if not permanently, at least temporarily, to see and experience a world with less suffering.
My demon world was formed out of an escape identity based on PMO dependency, unrealistic fantasies and an inability to deal with regular world challenges. Other people's demon world may be formed out of a desire to have the world behave as they see fit.
For me, what once was a turbulent ocean, unconstructive, unendurable and full of noise, has now become a still lake with clear water and shallow depth to a stone pebble bottom.
Things are much simpler and clearer now.
It's easier and faster to get back to the state of calmness and serenity. Noise and disturbance that enter settle quickly to the bottom and cause no further issues.
I'm no longer rushing.
I'm patient. I'm accepting. I'm forgiving.
I own myself and my world for the moment. I will endeavor to keep at this.
My blogs here have also helped me alot. In one, to clarify my thoughts, in another, a kind of accomplishment and success of self recognition of moving forward. Helping others also feels accomplishing, and these accomplishments are very important in adding to the trickle of feel good across the day that we need so much to replace the old and unhealthy way of single source mega dose overwleming pleasure.
I have refrained from mentioning my other half in my journals, because one, it doesn't help one bit to focus on changing others, and two, i found that anything to do with sex or penial functions MUST NOT be any of the reasons for this reboot. The sole reason for reboot is the regaining of self.
My partner and I are as alike as fire and ice. I, and I believe many of us here, are hot, passionate and volatile like fire. Ice obviously is different. Things are not smooth or easy, as I have continued to rely on this terrible addiction for feel-good. Our differences in opinion, world view, actions and processes, make it easy to misunderstand, easy to anger, easy to dislike and distrust.
But I realized today, as I slowly escape my demon world, that she may very well be in her's, owing to challenges created by her firmly held beliefs and preferences of how things should be, even if circumstances point otherwise.
I'm grateful that my aging does have a mellowing effect.
And suddenly, rather than be upset and indignant, I have a sense of compassion for her.
I probably cannot help her.
I most definitely cannot change her.
Our relationship and world view is as such. It is what it is, but that doesn't mean I cannot be kind and compassionate towards her, and to me.
In the past I often felt unjustly and unkindly treated.
In truth I did not understand her, and took our differences personally.
Today it is not important anymore how I am treated.
What is important is how I treat myself. And from henceforth I will treat myself well and better. The opinions of others will matter little, unless delivered with an intent to help and improve. The lives of people we have no direct contact with will also not matter anymore.
I will recognize and be grateful for all the positivities and benefits I have received, and treat the negatives like dust on my body. Blrushed off and inconsequential
And letting go is another helpful tip, along with letting go of sex as a core life focus.
Having others treat me better is no longer important if I can treat myself and others better. And of course my life will be better when others, if they too can leave their demon world, see that I've been trying to treat them well too.
Take care my friends, I do hope and wish you well and the very best.