My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member

This is so true!
Happiness exists at every moment, we only need to look and find them!

1. Why intrusive thoughts?
Mental trigger for mood regulation via seeking stimulation or calming due to stress or boredom or lacking motivation, brain moving too fast.

2. How to manage
Offensive (preparing) with balance across the day
A. Take breaks across the day
B. Connection with people daily
C. Do your hobbies
D. Plans to look forward to

Defensive (replacement)
A. Swap with healthy thoughts
Favorites, funny, remember happy thoughts
B. Look for these good moments

Change our environment so that we are grounded in happy reality

Create a pivot plan kit!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
In discussion with another here, I looked up the word "addict" and was surprised to discover it's definition as "dependent"

If we are a porn, m, o, sex, love, attention addicts, does that mean we are dependent on it?what for? Happiness? Stability? Survival?
That doesn't make sense.
Clearly air water food safety and shelter are necessary, but
nothing of an addiction nature is needed for survival.
Not coffee.
Not cigarettes.
Not drugs.
Not gambling.
And certainly not sex.

Short of debilitating or terminal medical illness needs, we are not addicts. We are delusional.

Throw a guy in the woods for a month or two with no internet and no access and they'll probably come out clean and unscathed.

Sure, they'll likely binge massively once freed, but its not "addiction" talking. It's lack of self discipline and inability to manage that is.

No one can be dependent on PMO for survival. This truth ought to drive home the common sense to quit.

I am however somewhat addicted to writing on this forum. I need a place to pen my thoughts and reflect on others to help me move forward.
I am dependent on this site and many other helpful site and podcasts to help me progress.

In time I will no longer be addicted or dependent here.
By then I should be sound enough to move forward on my own. I hope you will be too.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Transformation is very subtle, almost imperceptive, you sort of just ease into it.
But the changes it brings are huge.
Different ways to see things
Different direction and goals
Patience
Acceptance
Rejection

My breathing feels slower, deeper, more relaxed now.
I am turning inwards, no longer looking outwards and desiring others to conform to my needs.
They can do whatever they want.
Because all I'm focusing now is doing whatever I want to get me to where I want to be.
Peace, harmony and independency.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Reboot is like learning something new.
Really hard and confusing in the beginning.
Takes a while to slowly get into rhythm.
As we get better we start looking for more resources, try new things.

But most importantly is to be able to let go of the bad habits and early mistakes and go practicing on the newer and more advanced material.

So now I'm quite detached from p and m. Even exposure to p is giving me little stimulus because I have for some time not associate p with pleasure.

The advance material I speak of now is the replacements.
Specifically, normal daily things that would naturally make people happy and look forward to.

The first is hobbies.
I haven't had a hobby in years.
I'm having a hard time figuring what to pursue such that its learning process and progress will make me happy.

The second is purpose.
I'm still quite clueless on what I want to dedicate my life to.
This is something I have to ask myself everyday.

But I know, if my days are filled with purpose and activities i am interested in, my days will be filled with pleasure and joy that no addiction can replace.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Perhaps I can start with some simple vision

1. I want to be able to play some nice music for my family every night.
... Gotta go learn an instrument

2. I would like to help ??? group of people.
So what are their needs and what do I need to know or do to help them.
Gotta go figure

3. I want to take part in a race by mid next year.
What race and what training do I need to do?
 
Perhaps I can start with some simple vision

1. I want to be able to play some nice music for my family every night.
... Gotta go learn an instrument

2. I would like to help ??? group of people.
So what are their needs and what do I need to know or do to help them.
Gotta go figure

3. I want to take part in a race by mid next year.
What race and what training do I need to do?
I like those ideas.

I have been thinking about trying to learn to play guitar. I played a couple of instruments in school when I was young but have not tried to play anything since I was a kid.

Helping people makes sense too. I recently connected with a group that puts on a large fundraiser each year to support other groups that help victims of domestic violence. The event is a big wine dinner with an auction. My prior work life was connected to the wine industry so I will try and help with wine donations for the event. There are often opportunities to help at food banks that are not a significant time commitment but allow you to get involved. Another idea is to see if there is a website for a local community foundation in your area. That will likely have a list of local organizations that the foundation supports which are also organizations that likely need help from volunteers.

I hope you are doing well.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@BigChanges66 thank you for sharing. It's good to be able to make use of one's expert knowledge in areas beyond career. I wish I had more focus in my youth to develop more mastery.

A good friend reminded me, building social network matters more than event completion and record. So I try to form more relationship with people I meet along the way. When we die, it's the people we know, and the relationships we've built, not the work we do, that matters.

I'd try to look out and schedule more socially responsible activities for 2023. Thank you for pointing this out !
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Clarity and focus.

I aim to read more, and better this year.
Focusing on focus helps.
I used to download a whole bunch and not read anything. (Sounds familiar?)
Now I want to be selective and successful.
I'll just grab maybe 3 and try to finish them before getting more, and making sure these are topics of interest to me.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
DEMON WORLD

We all live in our own individual form of demon world. The suffering we have to endure because of our inate beliefs and preferred behavior.

This year's reboot session of many months without much p or m or o, roughly since June, has helped me to escape my demon world, if not permanently, at least temporarily, to see and experience a world with less suffering.

My demon world was formed out of an escape identity based on PMO dependency, unrealistic fantasies and an inability to deal with regular world challenges. Other people's demon world may be formed out of a desire to have the world behave as they see fit.

For me, what once was a turbulent ocean, unconstructive, unendurable and full of noise, has now become a still lake with clear water and shallow depth to a stone pebble bottom.
Things are much simpler and clearer now.
It's easier and faster to get back to the state of calmness and serenity. Noise and disturbance that enter settle quickly to the bottom and cause no further issues.
I'm no longer rushing.
I'm patient. I'm accepting. I'm forgiving.

I own myself and my world for the moment. I will endeavor to keep at this.

My blogs here have also helped me alot. In one, to clarify my thoughts, in another, a kind of accomplishment and success of self recognition of moving forward. Helping others also feels accomplishing, and these accomplishments are very important in adding to the trickle of feel good across the day that we need so much to replace the old and unhealthy way of single source mega dose overwleming pleasure.

I have refrained from mentioning my other half in my journals, because one, it doesn't help one bit to focus on changing others, and two, i found that anything to do with sex or penial functions MUST NOT be any of the reasons for this reboot. The sole reason for reboot is the regaining of self.

My partner and I are as alike as fire and ice. I, and I believe many of us here, are hot, passionate and volatile like fire. Ice obviously is different. Things are not smooth or easy, as I have continued to rely on this terrible addiction for feel-good. Our differences in opinion, world view, actions and processes, make it easy to misunderstand, easy to anger, easy to dislike and distrust.

But I realized today, as I slowly escape my demon world, that she may very well be in her's, owing to challenges created by her firmly held beliefs and preferences of how things should be, even if circumstances point otherwise.
I'm grateful that my aging does have a mellowing effect.

And suddenly, rather than be upset and indignant, I have a sense of compassion for her.
I probably cannot help her.
I most definitely cannot change her.
Our relationship and world view is as such. It is what it is, but that doesn't mean I cannot be kind and compassionate towards her, and to me.

In the past I often felt unjustly and unkindly treated.
In truth I did not understand her, and took our differences personally.
Today it is not important anymore how I am treated.
What is important is how I treat myself. And from henceforth I will treat myself well and better. The opinions of others will matter little, unless delivered with an intent to help and improve. The lives of people we have no direct contact with will also not matter anymore.
I will recognize and be grateful for all the positivities and benefits I have received, and treat the negatives like dust on my body. Blrushed off and inconsequential

And letting go is another helpful tip, along with letting go of sex as a core life focus.

Having others treat me better is no longer important if I can treat myself and others better. And of course my life will be better when others, if they too can leave their demon world, see that I've been trying to treat them well too.

Take care my friends, I do hope and wish you well and the very best.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Anxiety. Expectations. Trust issues. Worries and fears. Negativity.

We all have them, just to different degrees and levels of tolerance.

Before blaming why have so little trust for me, consider:
1. There are always 2 sides of the coin
Tails : why treat me so poorly
Heads : thank you for extending beyond your comfortable zone for me

2. It is always better to support and encourage than correct.

We can't begin to understand what some one else is going through, nor they of us.

Don't take the shortcut and blame.

We have often extended ourselves. They have too.
It might be that in certain areas our tolerance is more. But I'm certain we all struggle in some ways or another.

Things may not have been perfect, but thank you for trying.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I repeat.
Addiction is not about sex, drugs, food, gambling etc

It is about inability to
1. properly regulate mood (not from lack of opportunity but lack of recognition)
2. Recognize and deal with real would issues (due to fantasies and delusions)

It is formed out of incorrect beliefs and overly rigid opinions. It is poor adaptation.

Too long into any addiction and one forgets how unaddicted people find joy and acceptance in daily life. This is what needs to be relearned. This is what needs to be restored.
Abstinence is only the beginning.
More important is the replacement and restoration.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Addiction is bad.
It has no beginning and no end
It follows no schedule
It teaches us to prioritize feelings over everything else

Consequently
We don't know how to manage feelings
We must gratify instantly
We know no limits
We don't prioritize things in life
We are unable to appreciate little and rare things
We don't learn about scheduling
We don't recognize start, end and breaks.

So many important skills in life are forsaken because of indulgence.

Its no wonder we can see so little success in life, simply from not creating it, to not recognizing it.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
A seed takes weeks, months, years to grow into a sprout, sapling, plant, tree.
Nature takes time to grow, change.

It takes weeks or months to get over an addiction.
The physical part is easy.
The habitual and behavioral so ingrained, it's subliminal and invisible to the mind, need more time to rein in and tame.

The sprout is a plant at it's weakest. It is the beginning. Give it some time. Let the roots take hold.
Let the trunk and branches grow firm under the watchful sun.
The more one endures, the stronger one gets.

Become the new tree you desire.
Don't give up in the sprout stage just because the winds are blowing and calling you. Let the rains of daily success pull you higher.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I want something
I don't have it
I feel upset
I detour to porn to feel good.
I feel better
I let go of what I want (if for the moment)
I forget...
Time passes
I still dont have what I want
And more and more things and wants become unattainable.

Instead, I spend more and more time at porn to feel good.
Gradually I move away from wanting anything good in my life, into wanting to spend all my time at porn.

In the end
I have gained nothing to be happy about
I developed no skills to get what I want anywhere
And worse of all, the porn is hollow and unsatisfactory.

It's a terrible and stupid detour

Had I stayed on the path, some things might have happened.
I get what I want
I improve and eventually get what I want
I adjust and change what I want
I decide it's not what I want and devote my time to something else more meaningful.

I become successful, clearer, more pragmatic.

Porn just blinds, numbs and takes away.

There is nothing good about porn.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There are down days and I'm having them now.
Could be because I'm under the weather.
Could be other things I'm not aware of.

It's not good. It took a while to recognize.
I'm not happy with a lot of things.
I'm not patient with people and loved ones.
I'm angry and tensed.
I'm unhappy.

It's like I'm in a jail, locked up and unable.
Wanting some things but not getting any
A black cloud hangs over me
I don't like who I am
Nothing attracts me

I've been here before, but I don't care to remember
I've been here before, so I know I'll get through it, if somehow
I desire someone to take care of me, but I know I have to be independent.
I desire some one to take care of me, but that's irresponsibility and blaming, so let's not go there at all.

I will take care of me
I will be my best friend
I will support myself in a healthy way.
I will.
 
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There are down days and I'm having them now.
Could be because I'm under the weather.
Could be other things I'm not aware of.

It's not good. It took a while to recognize.
I'm not happy with alit of things.
I'm not patient with people loved ones.
I'm angry and tensed.
I'm unhappy.

It's like I'm in a jail
Wanting some things but not getting any
A black cloud hangs over me
I don't like who I am
Nothing attracts me

I've been here before, but I don't care to remember
I've been here before so I know I'll get through it, if somehow
I desire someone to take care of me, but I know I have to be independent.

I will take care of me
I will be my best friend
I will support myself in a healthy way.
I will
I'm guessing a lot of us have felt that way too. Just know there are people here that want to support you too ... just like all of us look for support too. It's clear you put a lot of effort into trying to change your life. Hang in there and keep up the good work.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member

Post acute withdrawal syndrome

Psychological
1. Cravings and excessive thoughts to recreate the sensation (No, and replacement thoughts / attention )
2. Low motivation ( recognize it, be compassionate to self, lower stress, prioritize, schedule rewards , find enjoyment )
3. Anxiety (from low dop and endorphin)
4. Irritability ( fatigue, low sleep & motivation ) recognize it!
5. Depression ( low dop, norepinephrine, serotonin )
6. Concentration (low dop)

Physical
1. Insomnia from stopping orgasm as relaxant
2. Fatigue and low energy from lower dopamine
3. Aches and Pain from reduced endorphins
4. Physical urges.

Detox and heal (6 mths)
1. Understand
2. List plan and strategy
3. Log
4. Buffer
5. Avoid over stimulating or tension and release activities or material
6. Avoid nsfw forums and sites

Develop stress tolerance
1. Manage thoughts and positive words
2. Breath (relax)
3. Unhook
4. Distraction (works within 15 mins)
5. Watch the wave
6. Sensation (cold water, shower)
7. Revulsion (smell something we don't like) kill the mood
8. Support (community, images, reminders)
9. Regulate circadian cycles
10. Identify and address root causes for starting out on addiction
11 identify high risk times or situations, and plan
12. Redirect energy
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am reminded that the recovery cycle of abstinence is much like other reductive activities I have "endured" in the past, all with excellent outcome and new understanding of self:
1. Fasting
2. meditation
3. Enforced restriction of food choices (vegetarian, salt, oil, sugar)

Less is often more
Less is often better

And, abstinence is no where as difficult or challenging than
Extended fasting while hunger thought ravage
Stilling still while the mind storms

Just a comparison.
It's not difficult.
It's not impossible.
It is our mind that makes it so.
 
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