My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

Getting back in shape.

So for a long time I've been getting my interest fix through porn.
Coming out I am kinda lost how I should go about finding other interests

So I'm kinda glad that I found a few non psychology related YouTube's that ignited my interests enough to have me considering a longer term plan to find out more.

I guess that's the forgotten techniques of hobbies:
Find something interesting
Focus on studying it more
Dig out more resources relating to it
Perhaps find a community to join and discuss
Become experienced in it
Give back, Do more...

I won't have time or interest to porn search if I'm too busy and happy deep diving into my other interests, ya !

 

[TakeActionNow]

Long term goal

I have a long term goal of living well now.
My body aches and my focus sucks.
So I need to work on these more if I am to be mobile and alert in my 70s or 80s.

Physical.
These COVID years and vaccinations suck. I've not only put on weight, lack of exercise also meant diminished abilities. Suddenly i have so many problem joints! Adhesive capsulitis , Iliotibial band syndrome, hip pain, toe pain, finger pain, weak muscles. How on earth can I be mobile still at 70?
So i have new personal reason to get back in shape. If I continue like this I'll be fucked before I hit 60.

Mental
Greater focus results in happiness.
Meditation helps focus
Focus releases dopamine
Focus improves memory
Focus cuts out the bullshit.

Read more
Write more
Think more
Explore more
Discuss more

I have no time to dwell on trivial issues. I gotta save future me! Gotta improve the body and mind. Must start yesterday! Go go go!

 

[TakeActionNow]

3. Porn is a performance. Watching too much porn turns our experience of beautiful connection into performance anxiety.
Wanting to impress? Performance
Visualizing a scene doing sex? Performance
Having a goal during sex? Performance
But sex is not a performance. It is an interaction. It is a connection.
Making sex a performance takes all the love and joy out of it, making it a soulless job.

Porn performance analogy.

Porn is alike going from just meeting to fully naked and yanking within 1 min.
This is like just starting out learning chess and then beating (bad pun) a grand master within 1 min.
How is that even possible???

No wonder we screw up in our real relationships.
No wonder we turned sex into performance
No wonder we objectify others

We simply don't have the experience of deep relationships formed through time, nor the skill and ability to appreciate or empathize others deeply.

Porn addicts are shallow and ignorant in real life experience with lovers.

Computer games also screw us up too. How can an unskilled guy be able to kill an ultra enhanced boss with 100x more life by simply running circles around him and escape unscathed?
This is impossible in real life!
Play enough games and it'll fuck up the worldview, thinking we're special and gifted when we've never encountered anyone more terrible than a rude bus driver.

No wonder generations of gamers prefer to stay at home and not go out.
Their reality has already been fucked and they can't relate with the real world where they are mediocre and without special powers

They can't have good relationships outside of their gaming community because they only know competition and real world people are scary and untrustable.

Ok I'm generalizing but you got the picture.

Stop activities that warp our minds, make us think we're superheros and totally fuck us up when we go back to the real world.

 

[TakeActionNow]

-activity trigger warning-

I havent been with so few masturbation sessions or sex in the last 6 months than I've ever been since puberty.

Only a few years ago I can binge on porn for 6 hours almost everyday.
Collection was a pastime
Research and cataloging was a pastime
Finding missing pieces and trawling strange and obscure forums was a pastime.
I get happy finding or completing sets.
I honestly enjoyed it.
It was more than a hobby. It was practically a living.
We're talking years like this. Decades!
Holy fucking shit.

PMO was so inate that I don't even register the hours or times spent on it in my memory. It's almost like breathing. You don't think about it. You aren't "aware" of it. You're just doing it.

So it's really interesting that this addiction matters so little to my life today other than me spending time studying and reflecting information on its effects and blogging about what I've learnt.

True testiment that we can break the habit.
All we need is time away.
The more and further away, the better.

I can think of 3 similar life changing activities:
A. 10 day meditation retreat
B. 10 day vegetarian diet
C. Multi-day water fasting
These are all major belief and opinion altering events.
Day 1 to 3 you'll usually resist
Day 4 is roughly when enlightenment occurs
By day 7 you'll be flying the new colors.

Breaking PMO addiction is the same, except its 90 days not 10.
But the outcome is assured.
You'll be less attached to old ways.
Old ways won't give you as much pleasure as before
You're self encouraged to live the new way.
You love the fact that you can really choose how to live your life now.

If you're having a difficult time getting over PMO, try those 3 multi day activities. Going vegan is probably the easiest.
Try it and learn and reapply.
Liberation is truly at your doorstep.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Why porn performers don't attract me much these days?

No connection!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Less prejudice

When I was dependent on people and porn to feel good, you'd think I'll be a nice and passive person since I needed others.
But instead i was very objectional and prejudiced. People had to meet "standards" and those that don't usually get less attention. I was critical. I was self centered. I'm not nice.

Without porn or people addiction now, I find many good things :
I find myself letting go of measuring or judging people.
I find I am less sensitive about other's behavior towards me.
I find my mood is more stable and calm.

I think the reason is because when we depend less on others, we focus less about them, worry less how they respond towards us, stop attention seeking behaviors and instead spend more time working towards meeting our needs by ourselves.

I find now I'm more forgiving, more attentive, more accepting, more tolerant.
I feel I apply this approach on myself too.

I also find myself more aware of my needs and address them quicker. Maybe that's why things don't go out of hand as often as before.

I find life today more bearable. I find myself easier to feel happy or calm. This is very nice.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The less we view nudity, the less we objectify people, and the more humane we become.
Over time, the focus on nudity diminish.

2 things happen:
1. We take less interest and focus on the physical of people. Perhaps minding our own and walking pass people without notice
2. We pay more attention to their thoughts and personality, instead of their physical appearance, and determine faster if they make good friends.

This is good because as we stop objectification, we waste less time on useless fantasizing, while making better and more compatible choices for ourselves.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Real happiness is about being able to decide what affects us or not. Many things were happening today, but I see family and I see happy faces.

I can decide for myself what I want.
I'm happy

 

[TakeActionNow]

So it's not just abstinence.
To truly cut habits, we must find out and understand why, and ask if this what we want.
Only when we understand why can we truly end behavior invisible to us.

===

It's a bad old habit that after a long day, even if successful, we reserve true celebration with a private wank.

This is wrong.

The wank has nothing to do with our efforts.
And the wank robs us the opportunity to recognize our efforts and associate with our success.
Contiune this pattern and soon our efforts and results become meaningless to us. They become merely excuses to wank.

To really celebrate my efforts, I should reflect on them instead.
Spend a bit of time at day's end thinking what I did well, who else contributed, and how everyone benefited and went back better than before.
My relationship with myself and others immediately becomes better.

And I go to bed knowing I'm a better man.
Not a hollow wanker.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Take a moment and congratulations to Argentina! Amazing final!

 

[TakeActionNow]

If we are always preoccupied with something else in our mind, we can never focus or pay attention to what's in front of us.

And then we suffer because we have neither what's in our mind nor what's in front of us.

We are empty and wanting.

Remember that dopamine is more about motivation than pleasure.
Thinking about other things is a form of motivation. And constantly thinking but not getting can be... Demotivating.

Don't waste motivation
Don't demotivate.

Pay attention to what's in front of us.
Let go of the grasping in our mind.
Let go
Let go

 

[TakeActionNow]

Learning from addiction

The more we think about something
The more Interested we are about it
Science says dopamine drips when the thought is initiated.
This drip is to motivate for action.
So the more thinking the more cravings.

So let's apply this technique for improvement.

I have some 2023 goals
1. Get back in shape
2. Get better focus and attention

So let me spend more time thinking about
1. What are the areas I want to improve
2. What variety of activities
3. Where to do them
4. Hat are the classes available next year.
5. Any big challenge date line to train for
Let me dopamine drip on these instead.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Porn paints ideals.

Can you imagine that that every porn performance also include:
Bitching
Ranting
Attitude
Ignoring
Scolding
Abuse / violence
Complaints
Towards us the viewer?

Haha thats real life.
Will we even want to fantasize or idolize them?
Probably not, right?

The idealization and fantasy about how wonderful interaction with these performers will be happen inside our ignorant mind.

Performers all try to make their performance as pretty and ideal as possible.

See them as average human beings will all the above qualities and reality sets in quickly.
What we don't see doesn't mean its not there. Anyone with relationship experience all knows its challenges.

 

[TakeActionNow]

We are happiest when the goals we motivate ourselves to achieve are reached.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Life is struggle!

There are no easy life in the animal kingdom. All the carnivores and herbivores must struggle to eat and survive.

How can we desire a life of pleasure seeking and non struggle? We will become fat and weak and sick and unhappy.

Life is struggle. Thats a fact.
It's better to embrace this than fight it.
Go go go.
No cheap fast food internet porn for me!
I go hunting for my happiness in the real human world!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Very fortunate and grateful to have free pass for. A week to a fitness center. That's when I knew I was in such bad shape. But also got the chance attend some yoga classes.
Aside from the spiritual mumbo-jumbo, yoga is really a great activity of connecting back to self.
I really felt a sense of self love.

More yoga.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Road rage
Roid rage
Porn rage!
All that energy and no where to vent.
Makes a person angry and uptight.
Makes him unable to appreciate the good and the gentle.
Puts him on a destructive path with no good outcome.

No road rage if one aims to drives slow and steady
No roid rage if one aims to evercise not for buff but for general wellbeing
No porn rage if one aims to live happily and harmoniously with one self.

Porn is like hateful driving and steroids.
Juice up for action
Pure emotional spike
Harms more than helps.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I need to learn to see an angry outburst as a wave or a ripple that flows towards be and then flow pass me.
I don't have to hold on to it, or assume all responsibility for it.
I can decide for myself what I believe to be right and accurate.

Let it flow through me and leave me unscathed.
I will continue my life journey with peace and tranquility

 

[TakeActionNow]

The end of year is near.
It is a good time to review the year and be reminded of what has changed and impacted me.
Many things happened to me this year.
Some very bad
Some very good
One can say it's a rather eventful year.

But the best news for me still remains the many months of clean living.
It's like a breath of fresh clean cool air.

 

[TakeActionNow]

It is true that any addiction is all consuming and distracting.
Before the hit, we are thinking about it
During the hit, we lose time in it
After the hit, we can't care about anything else.

Addiction can take up half or more of our daily life, every day, for years.
Take away
8 hours of sleep
2 hours of commute
3 hours of meals
1 hour of sanitary
That leaves 10 hours.
If 5 or more hours are spent on addictive activities every day, that leaves only 4 or less hours for productive work and study.
How can we possibly improve?

Imagine those 5 hours spent on our interests, developing them, improving ourselves, we'll be living a good life twice as long, and not be half a man compared to another.

I want to be 2x, not 1/2.

That's enough to make me want to be clean from any forms of addiction.