Ah the first real test in some time.
The last few relapse sessions were due to
1. Stress from renovation
2. self indulgent edging
3. decompression after trip
Today I am tested
1. Wife with excessive anger directed at son who was only trying to pacify. She has gone past the edge today. I suspect it's the period. Her explosive anger and general silence is the crux of my difficulties.
2. I'm been having light fever for a few days now. COVID negative and no other symptoms.
3. Some issues at extended family that made me agitated.
4. Perhaps too much exercise during my recent 1 week fitness trial
The self observation were:
i would like to get off and just relax. Good news is I seek no specific performer to get off on. So it means I am more relax via MO attached than P attached, and P is to facilitate rather than stimulate.
I also noticed I'm not interested in my interests to redirect me. It could be the dullness of the fever motivating a quick solution.
So here is the test.
How well do I keep this "old solution" from happening.
Sleep is escape.
Food and drinks are decoys.
I can sense the emotions arising inside. I must remember:
no access = no recourse
My answer is in my words. I am seeking to relax.
So I need to find practices that calm the inside and ride out the emo wave.
Breathing with longer exhales than inhales
Non stimulating internet
Gentle gentle gentle on self
Trying out this binaural beats while I sleep
Let's see how this works out.
I don't wanna O because of the dreadful 4:
1. Neurotransmitter death
2. Emotional instability
3. Post cum craving pains
4. Loss of strength and self integrity