My future is awesome!


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It seems to me the best outcome of staying clean was the ability to face life more calmly and happily.

This comes from being:
More settled
Less sensitive
More clear of mind
Aware and having more things to be happy and grateful about
Having less things to be distracted about
Simplified living
Longer term goals and direction


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Recovery is more about relearning how to live harmoniously with life than unlearning the bad habits we have.

Only then can new habits, behavior and outlook be sustainable.


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Other then the surge in stimulation, there is nothing to gain from addiction be it alcohol, smokes, drug, porn, gambling etc.
This is false soothing.
This is escapism
This doesn't improve our situation
It only tells us to keep staying away and avoiding.

Real life really isn't so bad.
It's only when we avoid that things pile up and becomes critical
If we deal with them early, or decide if it warrants our attention or not, things actually sort out pretty quickly.

We have to be fair with ourselves
Not all things work out to our desires
But even when they don't, if we can see the silver lining, it may not be so bad. Sometimes these alternatives may actually be better.


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Behavior tools for anxiety and depression.

Listening to Andrew Huberman. Again another informative and opportunity filled episode.

So there are ways to improve anxiety and depression through behavior.
Tracking to understand
Values to focus
Activities to activate
Remind and reward

If you find yourself stuck, have a go at behavior changes

Other interesting points
1. CO2 full exhale test for stress level
0 to 20s - v stressed
20-40s moderately stressed
More than 40s - good
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Respected Member

A worthwhile view.
Excessive neurotransmitter stimulation leads to neurotransmitter cell death.

Dopamine (reward & pleasure)
Short term
Visceral (whole body)
Substances enabled
Addictive in the extreme
Excitory in nature
Down regulated by tolerance

Serotonin (contentment & happiness)
Long term
Ethereal (above neck)
Social groups
Non addictive in the extreme
Inhibitory in nature
Down regulated by dopamine

Excessive or addictive pleasure seeking and stimulation leads to tolerance and neuro cell death, making pleasure harder to achieve, and contributes to diminish happiness.

Have a think about neuro cell death before taking the next hit.
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Respected Member

Part of the withdrawal experience includes agitation, anxiety and anger.
Meditation might be an answer to alleviate these strong sensations and return the self to stillness.

Meditation also has an added benefit of strengthening focus. Focus as mentioned earlier is a key ingredient towards happiness.
Always remember that a distracted mind is an unhappy mind.

Meditation is best done at the moment just after waking, not end of day.
This is because the mind is most empty at that time, and the world is most quiet.

The process is 3 step:

1. Preparation
Like getting ready for a run, we wear appropriate clothes and stretch for flexibility and endurance. Once seated, slowly scan the body from toes to head, checking for discomfort early and release sore spots.
Sit straight and tall, face forward. Meditation is an alertness exercise, not relaxing, so slouching or head tilting will lessen its benefits.
This should take a few minutes.

2. Motivation
All activities should begin with motivation. This provides clarity of purpose and determination to complete.
Motivation can be for self or others, for goals or recovery, for strengthening or blessing.

3. Meditation
Once ready, close the eyes and focus on the breath.
Explore the breath like a river:
Is it warm or cold
Is it fast or slow
Is it deep or shallow
Is it steady or erratic
The only focus is the breath

If thoughts enter the mind, which it will, recognize it's existence by saying "thoughts thoughts thoughts" and then let it go.

If sounds enter the ear, which it will, recognize it's existence by saying "sound sound sound " and then let it go.

Sounds and thoughts are pure distraction, are consuming and expanding, so must not be attached as it will rob you of focus.

If itch or ache appears, which it will, either do the above, or explore the sensation. This will be an important lesson in experiencing and grasping the rising and passing of sensation, and is key to understanding the impermanence of everything in life. All things, whether joyous or uncomfortable, will pass.
Pain and itch are temporary, and will pass.

Breath is most important. It is the only point of focus. It is the center of being alive. It is all and it is none.

If you can sit still for 30mins a day everyday, you will become more settled.
You will become better at focusing at whatever you are doing, and be happier and enjoy it more.
You can identify distractions earlier and let go sooner.
You will also understand that all sensations, no matter how urgent, when given time, will pass.
You will know that this very moment is the best.

Take care my friends


Respected Member

Association occurs with repetition.

Over the years we have learnt to associate pleasure, happiness, focus and relief with P, M and O. Consequently we have disassociated them with regular life.

That is why life became unpleasurable, even of we have plenty in real life.

Recovery is about disassociating P, M and O with these sensations, and reassociate them with normal life again.

Disassociation comes with abstinence and distance. With time the mind forgets. Bond, habits, behavior, expectations are weakened.

When we can look forward to normal life as a source of happiness, we can gradually associate happiness with daily life. This requires repetition, the same kind we applied for our bad associations. The brain can't differentiate, but we can. It will also require effort in the beginning. Slowing down, observing and journaling all helps.

When we teach ourselves to be happy again with what we have, what we do, who we know, who we have, every moment will become wonderful and joyful again


Respected Member
I saw an unfortunate video yesterday of a person who jumped off a high roof while his loved one watched. It was so sad. 5 years ago I was nearly like that. I'm so thankful I didn't. Looking back so many things are better today than before.

I have a child. He wouldn't be born if I was dead before I met my wife. He is the best thing in my life. He exists because I persist. He in too many ways is my gift to me. He is my mini me. Because of him I can see my past, and realize it was much better than I imagined. In giving me a chance to give back, I have gained many times over.

My life is better than before. I have a family. My personal life has expanded. My friends remain. I live in a better place.

I have time and support. Exiting addiction, I now have purpose. I have direction. I am no longer an aimless surfer or gamer, "killing time", so to speak.

I felt so sorry for the man who jumped, and his family who must carry his pain for the rest of their lives. So what if we don't have what we want. We still have whatever we possess.
Time, relationships, ourselves.

I hope everyone here who is suffering and hurting knows that it's all in the head.
Our mental happiness, sadness, joy and pain, exists all in our head in terms of how we view things.

There is no afterlife, no happily ever after, no perfection and ideals. Life is whatever we make of it. But there is only 1 life. We must treasure it.
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Respected Member
Motivate by a thought after reading a post, I was thinking, if porn is digital and like a movie, why is it addictive and not movies?
Then I made a list of differences:
Compare that to shows with some flashy moments which are short enought to titillate but not stimulate, one can tell how entrapping porn can be.

This shows that extended engagement with material builds association and attachment.

Therefore no porn is an absolute must, followed by no M and no O.
Gaining happiness on the other hand is a completely different exercise founded on accomplishments and self recognition.


Respected Member
True self love is not giving ourselves shit, hurt or pain.

It is not putting ourselves beneath others for demeaning reasons.

Self love is self respect and dignity in the face of a storm.

No one can give us this.
Only we can.
Only we can.


Respected Member
Breaking up any habit is possible and has only 1 criteria:
No more contact or exposure to it what so ever.

Beneficial also is no more contact with activities associated to the habit.

For example, to get over a breakup, do not think or talk or look at that person.
Also do not engage with their friends or places that associate with them.
Very soon you will move on.

To break the porn habit is to not view any porn.


Respected Member
Recommending ChatGPT, the AI answer bot of the moment.
Treating breakups like reboot, its suggestions are practical:
1. Process emotions. Feel but do not get stuck
2. Go social
3. Self care
4. Healthy coping strategies
5. Seek professional help if needed
6. Give it time.

Q: how to get over breakup

A: Breakups can be difficult, and it's normal to feel a range of emotions including sadness, anger, and confusion. Here are a few things that might help you get through this difficult time:

Take some time to process your feelings: It's okay to take some time to feel sad or angry about the breakup. Allow yourself to experience these emotions, but try not to get stuck in them.

Reach out to friends and family: Surround yourself with supportive people who can listen and offer comfort. It can be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

Take care of yourself: It's important to take care of your physical and emotional well-being during this time. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and finding ways to relax and de-stress.

Find healthy ways to cope: Engaging in healthy activities, such as exercise, spending time outdoors, or taking up a new hobby, can help you cope with the emotions you're feeling.

Seek professional help if needed: If you're struggling to cope with the breakup and it's affecting your daily life, it might be helpful to seek the support of a mental health professional. They can offer you tools and strategies to help you work through your emotions and move forward.

Remember, it's okay to take things one day at a time. Healing from a breakup takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel your emotions.


Respected Member
Unlike others I can't just say no. I have to make a list of reasons. So here they are:
1. I don't want any more neurotransmitter deaths
2. I know I have emotional attachments. I'll treat myself accordingly
3. I really am happier these days.
4. I'm slowly but surely not objectifying or judging people. I can appreciate every person more
5. I feel stronger, more independent and resilient
6. I am less sensitive and petty, and more calm and collected
7. I have purpose and future.


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I am reminded of a term
"anyone looking for offence shall find it"

If we're looking for porn, we will find it.
If we're looking for unkind acts towards us, we will find it.

But, if we look for acts of kindness and generosity instead, we will find it.
If we look for reasons to be happy for each day, we will also find it.

Spend my time looking for the right things in my life.
I'll be better for it.

Additionally, the more we gift to others, we more we redeem ourselves.
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Respected Member
Motivate by a thought after reading a post, I was thinking, if porn is digital and like a movie, why is it addictive and not movies?
Then I made a list of differences:
Compare that to shows with some flashy moments which are short enought to titillate but not stimulate, one can tell how entrapping porn can be.

This shows that extended engagement with material builds association and attachment.

Therefore no porn is an absolute must, followed by no M and no O.
Gaining happiness on the other hand is a completely different exercise founded on accomplishments and self recognition.
Following this, I was thinking why others are not addicts
1. Not enough self induced exposure to material
2. Not complusive or dependent in nature
3. Not lonely or socially isolated
4. Having many personal interests to pursue
5. Having purpose and goal to attain
6. Journal alot
7. Proactive towards beneficial activities

So while porn and sex is pleasurable, it is not their main focus in life. Other things and activities are more pleasurable. That is all.


Respected Member
Ah the first real test in some time.

The last few relapse sessions were due to
1. Stress from renovation
2. self indulgent edging
3. decompression after trip

Today I am tested
1. Wife with excessive anger directed at son who was only trying to pacify. She has gone past the edge today. I suspect it's the period. Her explosive anger and general silence is the crux of my difficulties.
2. I'm been having light fever for a few days now. COVID negative and no other symptoms.
3. Some issues at extended family that made me agitated.
4. Perhaps too much exercise during my recent 1 week fitness trial

The self observation were:
i would like to get off and just relax. Good news is I seek no specific performer to get off on. So it means I am more relax via MO attached than P attached, and P is to facilitate rather than stimulate.

I also noticed I'm not interested in my interests to redirect me. It could be the dullness of the fever motivating a quick solution.

So here is the test.
How well do I keep this "old solution" from happening.

Sleep is escape.
Food and drinks are decoys.
I can sense the emotions arising inside. I must remember:
no access = no recourse

My answer is in my words. I am seeking to relax.
So I need to find practices that calm the inside and ride out the emo wave.

Calm music
Breathing with longer exhales than inhales
Non stimulating internet
Gentle gentle gentle on self

Trying out this binaural beats while I sleep
Let's see how this works out.

I don't wanna O because of the dreadful 4:
1. Neurotransmitter death
2. Emotional instability
3. Post cum craving pains
4. Loss of strength and self integrity
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Respected Member
Result: passed.

Binaural works for me.
The goal during urgent times is to find quickest way to calmness.

Music, environment, temperature, internal feelings, soft visual lighting, surroundings.

Move away from noise, stimulation, bright lights, heat, discomfort.


Respected Member
What is love?

What does love mean?
Verbalizing I love you means nothing if we still behave harshly, insensitively or inconsiderately to them.

It is the actions than matter.
1. Being considerate and talk nicely to them
2. Do acts of kindness or service for them
3. Spend time with them
4. Acceptance of their person
5. Thinking how to help them grow and become better

Love is not filled with anger or resentment
Love is not demanding or forcing change for selfish reasons
Love is not for personal gain.

So now, apply the 5 love actions that matter to ourselves.
That is the meaning of self love.


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Highest fever temperature today. So brain's not working well.

Caught this today and it's so true. The practice of saying no is the practice of making better decision for the self.
When we are addicts, we are craving, dependent, compulsive and impulsive. It's hard to refuse stray thoughts in the mind that urges poor action.
The act of saying no breaks this cycle and strengthens the ability to reject impulsive actions over time.
But most importantly, it gives pause to decide what is best for me.
And I see it being reapplied more and more in every aspect of my life.

I'm not rushing to get a word in.
I'm less attention seeking
I weigh choices more
I'm making better decisions
I'm more calm and less desperate.

This is a "muscle" that needs practice. The more I say no to impulsivity, the more I can say no.



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Walking with my family today, I felt calm and collected. I wondered if I had felt the same at 40, 30, 20, 15, what more I could have achieved with my life.

I can't turn back time, but I can do something for tomorrow.

I feel stronger than ever before, calm and stable. This is better than any stimulant will ever give me.
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