I am awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

Don't waste time trying to change or impress another.
It will never happen and is a deadly waste of my precious energy, motivation and optimism.

Focus on improving and developing myself for myself.
I will always be much happier this way than hoping for another to take notice, and change.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I am more easily angered recently.
The desire to O stems from a desire to remove the anger
But doing so would negate any lessons or improvement through enduring and resolving the anger.

I need to take the proper steps instead of the quick, easy and unbeneficial.

How to manage anger....

 

[TakeActionNow]

Why we are more prone to anger and irritation.

Addiction causes neurochemical instability, leading to mood instability. So we become more prone to feeling agitated and easily irritability.

Our unstable cravings and ease of porn access means we want and can get our fix fast and easily. But the real world operates neither fast nor easily, our easily agitated states means we can anger faster and more frequently.

This is not good for our mental health and relationship with others.

To ease agitation and anger, we need to practice more calming and life strategizing techniques.

Meditation
Simple breathing exercises
tolerance management
Sleep
diet
Stress management

I will try to sleep earlier and more today.

But perhaps anger is viewed as experienced hatred, whereas PMO is viewed as experienced love acceptance and care.

So if love, acceptance and care is what I seek, then seeking it outside of me would be counterproductive.

How do I seek love, care and acceptance from within me?
More self recognition first.
That means reflecting and journalling all the good I have done recently, something I readily admit I've not been doing. I've been moving too fast and forward lately.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Received happiness are less effective than earned happiness.

Freebies are great, but not sustainable
Sustainable happiness only comes from awareness that it can be self generated, through self actions.

That's why it is so important to practice:
Hard working,
Love working,
Honesty &
Respecting people
Attitudes.

This creates a non freebie approach to life, and we become honest with ourselves if somethings are deserving or not.

Porn is non deserving. That's why even when it's good, in the long run its bad.

Superiority attitude is non deserving. No one wishes to be another's underdog forever.

Mind my own business
Do what I set out to do
Recognize myself by myself
Be happy with myself

 

[TakeActionNow]

My big achievements this week:
Going out for event even when under allergy influence.
Kept my composure while wife sulks and distance
Helped conduct interviews and attend meeting while running high fever.
Help make enquiries and saved $$$
Kept composure and cared for child while wife lost her head with him
Set up system and documentation for another
Conducted team meeting for 2023 clarity

I know I also did a bunch of other stuff I can't quite remember now. I can be proud of myself.
Maybe it's also projected anger I also need to release.

I have done things for people
I feel some people have not reciprocated, for a long time.
It may be my own fault for being blind.
That may be the problem within our relationships, this lack of balance.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Why are some people so petty or self centered?

Because giving for them is a really rare or hard thing to do. They don't know or bother to care of anyone other than themselves. They are not grateful because they never experienced the difficulties of giving. They would sooner hurt others not because others did them wrong, but because they could not do others right. They may have a poor grasp of their own emotions and the feelings of others.

Reminder to self:
Be more generous with praise
Be more generous with helping others for the sake of help and generosity not reciprocity
Be hard working and love work
Be honest with self (and not self delude)

Giving is good. Learn to give more.
Clarity is very important in understanding things.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I remember in the past, the girls I loved were ones happily passionate towards certain things (though I was off tangent on several due simply to their overwhelming beauty in my eyes.)

In music I liked higher pitched female singers who can raise their voices long and wide.

I find these 2 factors are energy in context, and harmonized with my inner frequencies (I am very low pitched, oh no I must be low energy too!)

Perhaps that's why in some circumstance, I can get down and dirty so fast, and eventually succumb to passionate and energetic porn.

So let me recognize my preference and love not just them but their spirit:
To become energized with passion for achievement (people)
To become elevated in spirit for life and living (song)

I know these made me happy.
I will make myself happy.

 

[TakeActionNow]

All the most important reasons!
The great Dr Trish Leigh!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Yeah
I'm not feeling angry now
I have more clarity now
I'm motivated again
Most importantly, the cravings have left me !

 

[TakeActionNow]

A man is measured not by how much he earns, but by how much he gives himself to his career.

I can lift my head anywhere as long as I believe my pay has been earned honestly and diligently.

No work is beneath me.

 

[TakeActionNow]

If I'm making every effort to be healthy with my body, why then am I not doing the same with my mind?

Porn is the high fractose corn syrup of the mind. Sweet yes, but totally unnatural and harmful.

Regain mental health.
Consume only healthy and honest logic and reason.

 

[TakeActionNow]

When we are dependent on others for whatever needs we have, we subjugate ourselves beneath them. This is weakness and debilidating.

We also cannot bend our needs over for our desires. Then our needs will never be met as desires become delusion.

Do not confuse ourselves
Our needs must prioritize over our wants.

Take care of the self.
Strengthen the self.
Become independent and resilient
Become disciplined and goals will be reached.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Success breeds success.
We must recognize our achievements everyday for tomorrow to be stronger

 

[TakeActionNow]

Fun vs duty

Having porn as the main and only occasion where I am fully myself for several decades, I find that I have difficulty relaxing and letting go around people enough to truly "have fun".
Everything seemed to be a duty to me to the point of being stressful.

Partly it should stem from not self recognizing achievements for too long.
The other part should stem from the need to "perform" and be presentable all the time, like porn performance stress.

These are slowly weakening as I make more conscious effort to self recognize
Self relax & let go

 

[TakeActionNow]

Brain is empty nothing to share now.

Went to meditate for the first time in years.
Some ability still remains.
Very alert but can't quite sit still and cannot focus well.
not noisy, just distracted and impatient.
Couldn't get into flow state, which would have made me happy.

Will make an effort to do it more often, and strengthen this most important of muscle.

Meditation = stillness = calmness = focus = less distractions = bliss

In other news, I'm feeling quite lonely.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Paradox

1
We seek for pleasure
We waited the whole day
To be locked up
to be alone

And yet
Pleasure is available at every moment
In joy of interests
In engagement of activity
In focus
In achievement
In completion

2
What is love but connection
Yet in porn we only find isolation
The act has only performance
Zero connection.

We bring the performance to our lover, but left the connection at the door.
The coupling complete, but feelings remains empty.

What is love making but connecting
What is fucking but hurting
There is a difference.

To love is to be together
To fuck is to care only about me

Decades of porn taught me to fuck, but never once to love.
No wonder I'm so confused and lonely
I've fucked so many but hardly loved any.

Love needs to be cultivated.
Fuck and forget is the worst kind of cultivation.

 

[TakeActionNow]

There are many useful ideas here, but the one that interest me most was the discussion about the cunning guy who finds and gives the head huncho what he wants so as to climb the ladder fastest. He is fast because of strategy, not passion. He will never discover the details or experience the wonders of study.
He can reach a high level of authority, but he can never reach the highest level of recognition and contribution.


We are like this guy.
Skilled in finding sources that brings us pleasure fastest.
But we have never engaged deeply with our partner.
We never found pleasure whilst in the pursuit.
We just want to get to our goal soonest. Damn the rest.
And so we do.
But we and our partner will find the experience hollow.
We cannot find the connection like real lovers.

What are lovers but people who really love each other.

Don't be this guy.
Find love not meaningless action

 

[TakeActionNow]

Disassociation

I'm gradually but surely disassociating women and porn with pleasure.

It's actually good!

The problem with addiction is that women, nudity and porn are set so high in pleasure priority that their realities and all other realities are ignored.

Women are people.
And not all people are pleasurable to be with.
So not everyone should be automatically associated as attractive or pleasurable just because they have a pretty face or a good body. This gives them too much credit while ignoring the more important stuff of character, kindness and personality.

There are other things that can give pleasure, many time even more, that we have been actively ignoring and limiting our opportunity to experiene because we were just too focused on women and porn. That's why our interests outside of porn have been so thin.

It's not that I'm not attracted to women. It's just that I now want to be attracted to people with personality that I like. The good thing about social media is that all too often the prettiest and hottest are also the worst of the lot. it's getting to be really easy to look away from these shameless attention seekers who prey off simps and insecure women.

It's nice to be more discerning for once.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I'm happy to report that I'm not too hardup about porn and nudity anymore.

I'd admit I have 1 or 2 lingering performers whom I liked, but I've actively not seeked them out for some time, and I would like to end their attachment once and for all.

It's very enlightening for me to experience this change. I never believed I could ever not be enticed by porn.

But with diminished exposure and attention, the brain weans itself in this area and redirects towards others.

And because my standards have become so damn high, it's near impossible for me to find regular passerbys as attractive as these performers.

So I'm very safe to say the least. Haha!

I don't know if this is the same for other kinds of addicts.

Abstinence is just the key to get started. The real recovery is through interest and disinterest.

New interests discovered and enjoyed and replacing old interests, disinterested though abstinence and disassociation.

 

[TakeActionNow]

NEW INTERESTS ARE EASIER TO PICK UP AFTER RECOVERY

Dopamine is mainly for motivation.
The pleasure we experienced is actually just part of the dopaminergic process to stay motivated and be rewarded.

Now porn abuse leads to
1. Lowered dopamine baseline for homeostasis and
2. neurotransmitter death from overdose.

Low dopamine states are linked to irritability and difficulty to focus. Extended low dopamine states lead to overall demotivation and depression.

That means alternative interests are harder to pick up, develop and enjoy because we're constantly uncomfortable, unstable and unhappy. I.e. sick

When the dopamine system has been given enough time to recover and normalize, alternative interests are actually easier to pick up because
1. we have surplus dopamine now to motivate action, focus and enjoyment.
2. we naturally want to fill up the void created after we quit porn.
3. Learning is enjoyable when we're happy, which we are now.