I am awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

A little more time to reflect:
1. In the long run we're all dead. So no need to be perfect.

2. Be present. I'm in my head too much of the time

3. Be kind to myself. I have limited energy too

4. Never do anything for the purpose of impressing others. A. It'll never work. B. I'll be doubly pissed when it doesn't. Do everything for my own reasons.

Take care of myself.
Don't hurt myself over someone else's opinion
Also don't waste too much time brooding over it.
It only harms me.

Take care of myself everytime.

 

[TakeActionNow]

All external modes of soothing are poor.
All bad things eventually pass.
Don't imagine and expand issues
Don't magnify things

Analogy
You ate some hot chili
You drink water. It sooths a little but the burn still persist.
You don't do anything. The burn passes a little while later.

don't bother with external soothing.
remember:
just endure the moment
all things pass eventually
Things will return to normal if you let it.
don't indulge in the discomfort.

 

[TakeActionNow]

In my reality
They don't exist
Their opinions don't matter
Their attitude don't matter
I will not judge what or how they are thinking, or what they think of me.
They don't matter to me.

 

[TakeActionNow]

My anger and resentment turn around time is now 1 hour.
All from not wanking for a few months.
Amazing.

 

[TakeActionNow]

 

[TakeActionNow]

I realized I'm a very angry person.
I am also sometimes very hard on myself, needing to prove or show success.
Easily angered people have issues. In a healthy world, there should be little reason to be easily angered all the time. So why do I have poor emotional development and management?

Years of bad American tv with bullying "heros" taught me wrong values. But mostly I believed is the absence of an ever present father for 2 reasons:
1. Inculcating values in a gentle and healthy manner
2. Feeling safe and supported through the process of growing up.

Yes. I was insecure growing up. I didn't feel safe or trusted around people. Addiction and avoidance kept the problem alive but undercover. So I still have these issues decades later. And it's hurting me in ways beyond an absent father can imagine.

For the sake of my child, I need to learn or know how to make him feel safe, secure and supported. It's unfortunate that my wife also has an absent father, so its a double whammy when she gets angry at me when my child goes over board and agitated me beyond my limits.

I learnt one way is to catch myself early and pass the baton to her before I implode.
The other was to think extensively how to be a better father I hoped to have.

My father was not a bad man. Unfortunately his work took him away from us for too long. It's like long term army deployment: Honorable, but often destructive for the family.

There are many psychological factors I cannot pinpoint to that influence my behavior and thinking. I do not know when tolerance can last until a decision is made to stop something. It is frustrating I cannot even discuss this with my wife.

Poor emotional management is a reflection of poor intelligence. I need to improve my intelligence to help me better solve my problems.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I guess it worked both ways. I have "rescued" my child from my wife when she imploded before. I was also agitated by her behavior, and likely after that, she by me. We probably also tried to advise each other in a serious tone, but likely the tone rather than the message carried across more, and resentment towards each other grew.

An agitated parent is hurt.
More harsh words only hurt more.
No good parent deliberately wants to harm their child.
It may appear so by another, but very often the parent is already at their wits end.

Knowing this, care, concern and consideration should be the first reaction instead of admonition.
But any parent will know it's easier said then done.
That's why intelligence and EQ is so important.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Parenting really puts people to their limits and true colors come out quickly.
in the absence of an ideal partner, I have to hold the burden of supporting and taking care of myself in all ways.
Knowing this puts me in a better and more independent place.
keep pursuing my goal as a good father. I know I need to change and improve. Having the right questions will sooner direct me to the right answers.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Tomorrow is a new day.
We live to make a difference once more.
Need to set a little time aside and set my agenda.
I do not want to live another person's dreams. I need to live my own.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I'm sorry for the guys still caught in the early loop of relapses, unable to get onto the next stage of self rediscovery. I can only say that the road ahead is still very long and paved with many obstacles.
But this road is awesome because only challenges maketh a man.
No, not the challenges of keeping from wanking.
But the real world challenges of dealing with others, and trying to get on the direction of our life we hope to live, without any wanks.
The more I hurt and endure and overcome, the more confident and self assured I become.
Preventing ourselves from getting hurt is the worst injury we can inflict upon ourselves.
Recovery is what makes us stronger. This price is worth every ounce of pain I have to endure, and many times more.
This is true liberation.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Strength is a slowly accumulating commodity.
It is only available as a byproduct of enduring difficulty.

A person who endures no difficulty thus has no strength.

So true the adage, no pain no gain.

Be smart and prepare yourself a life of pain. Embrace hard work and effort. Learn to churn dopamine during effort. The strongest men are often the quietest, suffering & enduring, relentless.

My dad was strong man. Very strong.
Too bad I had so little time with him. He didn't knew. And neither did I.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I feel like I'm the evolutionary fish that finally grew lungs and crawled out of the pond.

But here at the RN context, the pond is the murky pool of concern over sex, penis and wet dreams.

No friends, the land outside of that pool is really large and wide.
I now finally appreciate the joys of life of people who seconded sex behind the pursuit of their art or purpose.
Sex is a byproduct, good to have but not essential.

To come out of that small porn pond is like growing lungs and legs and learning to run. Run over mountains and valleys of life and opportunity.
No more muddy negativity to hold us back. No more porny gills that prevent us from breathing loving freah air.
Liberating.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The people of porn are poison.
They are the million calorie dessert that's sweet to eat but gives us instant diabetes and obesity. Debilitating.

Mother earth however gives us raw veggies. Gotta give lots of time to clear land and plant and water and clear the weeds before back breaking harvest. Not very palatable but wholly nutritious and cleansing. Self achievement.

Don't be that self induced morbidly obese type 2 diabetic. Be the free running ultra marathoner and see the world.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I have a love hate relationship with myself, often thinking I am smart and very stupid at the same time. I need to stop deprecating myself for whatever stupid reasons.
I should think of myself as smart, and continue building myself up from there. Thinking I am stupid discounts all my suceesses and disallow me from recognizing and maximizing all the opportunities available to me.
So fucking stupid to always be looking for the easy way out.

I am smart
I am fortunate
I have advantages
I have assets
I should not have a poverty mindset. I must not.
I must not discount myself.
I must not give myself shitty or subpar solutions.
Porn is a shitty and subpar solutions filled with poison.
I should give myself sunlight, fresh air and healthy greens all the time.

 

[TakeActionNow]

If you're reading this, know that I'm motivating myself.
Motivate yourself.
You're worth it!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Never wait for people to believe in you.
I gotta believe in me!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Some interesting surprises

1. Not backwards looking. No need to get kicks from memory when current and future life is more rewarding.

2. Not as affected by people as before. Self awareness is higher. Self opinion is higher. Better emotional regulation

3. More positively opinion of daily life. No more issue magnification and goodness minimizing. General consensus is life is fair and equal in good and bad, so focus on doing more good.

4. Better acceptance of self and others. Less self deprecating lead to more self appreciation and recognition. So more self trust. And greater openness. Leading to greater acceptance of others. Less trust and intimacy issues.

Never knew I had all these within me. I'm glad I let go of addiction attachment to realize and reveal what I already had inside.

Come to think of it, addiction is a recent man made phenomenon. However human race progress a whole lot without any "help" or need of addiction. Thus we all have the capability within us to do great.
We just need to believe in ourselves more.

We all have the power within.
Let go so that we can release our potential.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Freedom is like fresh air and clean water: not abundent and free, but delicate and fragile.
It can all too easily be contaminated or polluted, leaving it cloudy or smelly.

Loss is when we take it for granted, preferring flavored water or scented air, or leaving it to the elements, open to contamination.
In additives there are many made chemical and artificial ingredients, harmful in the long run.

My freedom is like clean air and water. I need to appreciate and cherish it, and not be thinking of ways to pollute and contaminate it.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I'm probably at a point where attraction to the draw of sex related stuff is no greater than recognizing the risk and damage of porny stuff.

That's really good because in the past it's like attraction 90% vs risk & costs recognition resistance 10%

 

[TakeActionNow]

You are complicit

If you agreed to shitty pay and stayed on, don't blame others for the pay. You were complicit.

If you stayed on in an abusive relationship, you were complicit.

If you made a choice to wank, you were complicit.

Knowing we are complicit if we continue on bad agreements serve to remind our responsibility towards ourselves.

Don't be complicit to poor judgement.