My future is awesome!


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There are 3 perspective change techniques I am trying now.

I want to change my approach to life from
why me / why dont i have / why should i / i dont want / i'm unlucky to
i'm lucky to have / i'm lucky to be given / i'm lucky

Instead of looking at life as a non stop continuous path to demise, break life down to 3 month cycles and
A. see what I can do within each cycle
B celebrate all my achievements at the end of each cycle for better forward motivation reinforcement.
3 months period is good that it's short enough to be attractive and long enough to be practical. 90 days... So familiar

When there is an unexpected change in life, such as the mil comes to stay, when the customer complains, instead of saying
"Damn I need to change my schedule, behavior, preference etc", say
"thank you for inviting me into your life. let me find the ways to make it better."

Instead of focusing on the challenge difficulties, focus on the effort for a good outcome, and then celebrate my accomplishments, so that I reinforce the good feeling of effort and success, and negate and censor any unhelpful self centered thoughts of negativity and resistance.

Move thoughts away from inertia and self centeredness towards opportunity and effort.
When I see life as a series of endless opportunities, I will feel more blessed and grateful.
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Some interesting surprises

1. Not backwards looking. No need to get kicks from memory when current and future life is more rewarding.

2. Not as affected by people as before. Self awareness is higher. Self opinion is higher. Better emotional regulation

3. More positively opinion of daily life. No more issue magnification and goodness minimizing. General consensus is life is fair and equal in good and bad, so focus on doing more good.

4. Better acceptance of self and others. Less self deprecating lead to more self appreciation and recognition. So more self trust. And greater openness. Leading to greater acceptance of others. Less trust and intimacy issues.

Never knew I had all these within me. I'm glad I let go of addiction attachment to realize and reveal what I already had inside.

Come to think of it, addiction is a recent man made phenomenon. However human race progress a whole lot without any "help" or need of addiction. Thus we all have the capability within us to do great.
We just need to believe in ourselves more.

We all have the power within.
Let go so that we can release our potential.
I used to believe my nature was extroverted outgoing loud and boisterous. I thought I had adhd

I now know that's not true.

I am now very comfortable being quiet. Instead of trying to be the center of attention, I am now more interested in observing others and gathering information. It also gives me more time to think and reflect ideas before voicing out. And I usually end up not making any comments.

But most important is the realization that I am not attention seeking anymore. This behavior I fully attribute to the addiction.

I am more secure now doing my own thing without having to solicit agreement or approval.

Neurological and hormonal imbalance due to abuse is so damaging. I'm sure I would have accomplished more had I been a cool potato like today instead of the hot headed habanero before.
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Respected Member
New revelation.

Addiction is nothing but the seeking of happiness.

Recovery is thus nothing but the achievement of happiness through daily life.

It actually has nothing to do with sex. Sex is only in involved because it is the preferred form we relate best to for happiness.
Smokers relate happiness with cigarettes, gamblers w gambling and junkies with drugs.

Pleasure is just hightened happiness.

When addiction keeps delivering hightened happiness, nothing in daily life will feel happy anymore. Its a vicious cycle that only leads to depression (absence of happiness) because all the happiness experienced were artificial and synthetic

True love is about helping another become happy. Thus the loving parents who works to provide for their children.

Unloved children are generally unhappy.

I used to think I loved the girls I yank to. I thought orgasm to them was an expression of love. Now I know I am wrong. What I was experiencing (and seeking) was actually being loved. If to love someone is to help make them happy, and I was happy when I cum, therefore I was actually feeling being loved, instead of I loving another.

Thus all this while I was actually seeking to be loved by others.

Of course abstinence suck because I didn't cum
Which meant I wasn't happy
Which meant I didn't feel loved

But when I gradually start to gain happiness though the real world, through gratitude and appreciation, it actually meant I felt being loved

And in fact it was true.
I can now feel the love and kindness and consideration from the people around me.
Opportunities given to me I can also consider as a form of love.
Things like security and efficiency made possible by others I can also see it as a form of love.
And when I can see and experience love all around me, what do I feel ultimately? Happy

When people always talk about gratitude as a part of the healing process, what they really meant was to experience receiving gifts of love and kindness from another. That process generates happiness.

And thus my addiction is broken. Because I no longer need to seek happiness through divisive and disruptive means. I am happy by virtue of recognizing all the good things around me.
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Respected Member
Just had a difficult discussion with my wife about social issues.
Having a broad age gap, different education, cultural and economic background and gender meant a very different worldview.

But before I go into concern, I must remember
1. It is not my role to educate or change her if she is too locked into her worldview and beliefs
2. There are clear differences from how we look at things and relationships
3. Let me focus first on upping my own game.

Our child will grow up in a world vastly different from mine and hers.
My generation learn, and understand through family and peers
Today's young people group consensus with strangers via social media. It gets vile and self centered very quickly.

I have no idea where my child will get their ideas from in the future.

Let go, and up my own game first.


Respected Member
The most important lesson in life is:
1. Let go quickly
2. Do not be distracted
3. Focus on your goals and self improvement
4. Love myself
5. The ability to say no

#1 #2 and #5 go hand in hand.
If it's not important or necessary, just let go like shit on hands.
And remember to wash!

#3 is all that matters.
Family and friends can never help us more than we can help ourselves.

#4 is what will keep me going.
To receive love is to experience happiness. Nothing beats the happiness I get when I experience love for my self
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Respected Member
I see generational pain:

The love of a mother rejected by her child.
The pain of a child rejecting love from the mother.

Nothing given nothing recieved.
Blocked by each other.
Unable to experience any love and happiness.
The sufferings we create for ourselves unaware of the benefits or how to do it better.

I blocked my mother's love for a long time, while craving for my dad's. She was "excessive" while he was "minimal". They are good parents but you know what I mean.

I guess there were also trust issues involved in the blocking.
Anyway that's missed opportunity of recieving maximum love, and thus maximum happiness.

So with the aim for recovery via happiness from general life, I aim now not to "block" love of all forms.
As mentioned earlier, this starts with gratitude and appreciation.
I can expend love recieved more by giving love first.

When we are deep in addiction, we are also deep in entitlement. That means receiving more than giving. Always me me me.

I can boost my happiness when I can boost the happiness of others first. Give them chance and trust to excel and be successful. Their success invariably becomes mine too. And so I get more happiness.


Respected Member
For a long time all that mattered to me was a title.
It conferred me a position, but not respect. I have not earned that yet.

And I didn't for a long time. Because all I aimed for was the title, not knowledge, interest or involvement. Those I only had for my addiction.

For a long time I had an issue with this gap, but I didn't know how to reconcile it. Today I do.

When attention seeking left me, while self control entered me, what I truly enjoy, and am good at, can now be fully revealed and be pursued.

It still requires some discovery. It is not easy to differentiate the voices of the people from the whispers of your heart.

Brain fog is also clouded judgement. I hope I can find out where I am best suited.


Respected Member
The urge to feel good also meant the reluctance to feel discomfort.

But growth and change are all uncomfortable. That's the nature of things. We can't appreciate anything unless there is challenge or struggle.

That is why to enjoy life is to embrace effort, not pleasure. To embrace pleasure goes counter to life. The fattest pig is soonest slaughtered for meat.
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Respected Member
The thing that helped me the most was diverse knowledge and journaling.

Logic and intention directs the person. We don't need to be slaves to our feelings, emotions or sensations. This is the power of intellengence and being human. A commitment to our goals and plans. We have an agenda, so we keep to it and find ways to circumvent body craving signals.

What is "feeling horny" may not be sex related nor needs immediate addressing.

Consider hunger.
Say we have an intention to fast intermittently or multiday. The body signals hunger. We don't have to immediately attend to it in the direct sense.
We could drink water.
We could go for a walk.
We could find ways

Cold shower or dip to stimulate and strength the body? Wimhof method? We'd shiver and feel all needs to get out. But the mind can direct the body to stay a little longer.

Drink coffee.
Get some bright light

Agitated or anger?
Instead of fighting,
1. Slow down breathing
2. Drink cold water
3. Direct thinking to more pleasent times together to balance thoughts

The body signals, but we can direct our response. This is discipline. This is management. This is control. This is ownership. This is maturity.


Respected Member
Abstinence has open many unexpected and interesting doors for me.

I came across an interesting YouTube on food that lead me to Uzbekistan. I've seen Uzbekistan videos before but was never drawn. I've been to many countries but never central Asia. Now it draws me like a giant magnet and I'm pleasantly surprised and I feel like going there. The food, the people, culture, their amazing subway and architecture.

My mind is opening up to more things of interest and the world is becoming a more and more attractive place.
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Respected Member
Humans are the dominant species on this planet because only we have dominated our body and senses.

We craft tools to help us.
We can plan our running and outrun any animal during a hunt
Our body is built to endure long fasting. We can apply glucose and ketone energy sources
Our success and progression is due to our intelligence and will to bend our bodies to fit our needs.

However, a slave to the senses is a slave in every sense.
Let your mind and will liberate you to greater heights.


Respected Member
The more I can will myself to do the things I required, and do less I desire, the more I achieve and the happier I become. And in this process, even the things I desire slowly evolve and become achieved.


Respected Member
Life is full of ironies.
Orgasm doesn't release and liberates us. It constrains.
The only thing that liberates us is discipline.
Without discipline, nothing is achievable, and thus nothing is gained.


Respected Member
I must remember,
If I enjoy here, I cannot enjoy there.
And very soon, I cannot enjoy anywhere.

Let's be clear,
It is not either or
It is neither nor.

No one improves their lives by lying down
Get up and enjoy the effort!


Respected Member
I spent a lot of time today doing non directed stuff instead of my directed goals.

Consequently even though I achieved alot, I didnt feel satisfied because these stuff do not add to my long term wellbeing. I do not get the dopamine reward of completion and satisfaction.

To really feel happy is to complete whatever I list out to do, and not just do whatever I feel like doing.
I need to make that list and tick them off.

I need to manage this well because only when I can feel good consistently across the day am I mood stable and not drawn towards unhealthy quick easy fixes
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Respected Member
Another area that needs improvement is my ability to stay focused / undistracted.

I have for too long been a slave to my feelings/mood/emotions. If a thought enters my mind, I would easily succumb to it, even if I was in the mist of doing something.

I have been weak and undisciplined to say, "no I'm not interested.. I will stay on what I am doing now and finish it before starting something else"

This is a symptom of seeking new motivation, or unable to sustain current motivation.

It's not good because it makes it hard for me to finish. And finish is important because then I'll be rewarded for accomplishment.

I must practice ignoring these stray distracting thoughts.
I must develop a new approach towards it.
It is not telling me to go do something else.
It is telling me to take a short break, and come back stronger.


Respected Member
Questioning intent when cravings hit, and choosing best outcome.
WWW Wait Why Wife

We've been self trained for too long to attend to cravings immediately when it hits.

The first step is WAIT.
this is to reduce instant gratification and to verify if intent is impulsive or necessary. Most often impulse will pass in 15 mins. This also gives chance to implement other recourse

The second is to explore WHY.
I know if I look at the watch halfway through a movie, it means the movie is not working for me.
so if I have an impulse halfway through something, what does it mean?
1. Doesn't mean anything. It's just a stray thought
2. It means the topic is getting dull. Perhaps go for a short break and start afresh.
3. It means I need a kick. Then I must pick healthy kicks. Coffee? Sunlight? A quick snack
4. Am I avoiding? Then I have to remind myself what is the goal and price for quitting. Remind myself of the reward when completed

The last is WIFE.
I dreamt of my ex last night. I felt like wanking to her. And I realize I was abusing her thought. I was seeking love. But neither my ex nor any other stranger can give me love. Only my wife and family can.

So my new practice whenever cravings hit is I will text my wife that I love her.
1. Retrain myself to seek love and stimulation only from realistic sources
2. Strengthen ties with this source.
3. Break the dependency bonds with unrealistic sources.

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6 P Purchasing Decision
Pursuasion: the motivation
Pleasure : short term benefits
Performance : long term benefits
Price : cost to obtain, inc emotional
Pain : long term emotional stress
Penalty : long term identity impact

Whenever I make an expensive purchase i would make a thorough analysis to get best value and performance. So I don't get it why I'd yank without think through.
A yank is what is considered a terrible buy

You look at gambling sites (stimulation)
You want to buy lottery (craving)

PRICE to exchange:
You spend all of your salary on 1 ticket (ignorance)

PLEASURE immediate:
You spend that 1 hour in excitement awaiting results (masturbation)
Your excitement peaks when the lottery is announced (orgasm)

PERFORMANCE long term:
You lose all your money (refractory)

PAIN long term:
You spend the month eating stale bread and drinking water cos you're broke (withdrawal symptoms)

PENALTY long term:
The cycle repeats next month (addiction cycle)

So let's do tradeoff analysis:

A yank
Pursuasion; stray thought
Pleasure : high
Performance: low (short term)
Price : high (mid term mood stability)
Pain: high (withdrawal)
Penalty: addiction

A run
Pursuasion : unhealthy, overweight
Pleasure : mid
Performance: high (fitness, weight loss)
Price : low (run time)
Pain : low (healthier)
Penalty: low (you're labelled a runner 😅)

A bad relationship
Pursuasion : unhealthy (crave attention)
Pleasure : high (got attention)
Performance : low (she doesn't care)
Price : high (time money feelings invested)
Pain : high (unloved)
Penalty : high (vicious cycle)

A good relationship
Pursuasion : high (loneliness is bad)
Pleasure : high (happy)
Performance : high (care received)
Price : low (good returns)
Pain : low (loved)
Penalty : low (unavailable 😂)

A bad job
Persuasion : high - need money
Pleasure : low - poor motivation
Performance : low - little upward mobility
Price : high - time
Pain : high - depressive
Penalty : high - opportunity costs

A good job / investment
Persuasion : high - need money
Pleasure : high - enjoyable
Performance : high - skills gained
Price : low - good pay
Pain : low - skills gained
Penalty : low - upward mobility

Therefore the best deal has

Pleasure immediate high
Performance long-term high
Price to exchange low
Pain in long term low
Penalty to identity low
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