Effectively started in June.
Relapsed once in Aug, Oct and Dec.
Change in perceptive. Like shifting into a different dimension.
Not bad but also not fantastic. Just adapting.
The world remains the same. But I feel like I'm an expat.
New mental language
New emotional sensations
New tastes and feelings
Some new gains, and some loss.
The world is clearer.
It's not as simple as it used to be.
There are more details, more issues, more challenges. I feel lonelier.
This is the desert.
I will need to endure.
I expect another 6mths before I think I will be stable.
I need to practice more independence in everything, and continue to concern less about what I think others expect of me.
Keep reminding myself one day I too will die. What matters to me will always be more important than what matters to others.
So my relapse window at the moment is 2 months. That's neither too long nor too short. What is definitely apparent is that
1. Attractive people doesn't quite work for me like before, which is good
2. I care less about how others might opiniate about me, which is good
3. I am more focused on getting feel good from my daily environment, which is good
4. I am habituating recognizing and gratifying local events, which is good.
5. I have more CBT methods and healthier sources to counter negativity and pessimism, which is good
6. I have longer term outlook, which is good
7. I have more meaningful and less self centered goals that will also benefit me in the long term, which is good
8. I am letting go faster, and look back less, which are good
9. I keep more regular hours, and spend time on more meanignful and educational items, which are good.
10. I have greater sense of stability and self confidence, which are good.
11. I am less concerned or distracted by emotional or trivial issues, which is good
All from
1. Not focusing on self pleasuring or seeking relief
2. Recognizing and dealing with discomfort and challenges timely and appropriately
3. Relearning how to gain happiness from my surroundings
4. Perspective, opinion and behavior changes
All good for the moment.
Let's keep on going and maintaining